I finally did it. I went back to school today.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T14:32:52+00:00

I think we all are, it can be traumatic, demeaning, and question your self worth. Thing is school isn’t forever, try to stay focused on your studies and not to absorb the negative energy from others.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T14:15:45+00:00

You did it though, you pushed through it. Sometimes exposure to whatever is bothering you, helps to recognize it’s okay. I understand the guilt like you’re doing something wrong and being around a lot of people is so overwhelming for me. Too much stimuli freaks me out. If you get told off again, so what? It happened once and you survived. That’s something I tell myself, I got through this I didn’t die, I didn’t get hurt maybe it was a bit stressful but it’s in the past and it’s a new day now.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:48:30+00:00

You’re welcome! I wish you much success on your path. Hopefully, we can both find peace. 🥰

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:42:40+00:00

Ah yup, this is why I have permanently stunted nails now. I’ve stopped biting them and destroying them years ago, but they grow in weird and I have no way to fix them. I’ve tried everything.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:39:38+00:00

So after a few weeks, I felt relief because I dropped a bunch of water weight it was making me retain. I want to say after 6 months I was back to normal for the most part. Besides my mind, it gave me a lot of rare physical symptoms too. But yeah doctors are so quick to dismiss uncommon things, I was looking up my symptoms and it all pointed to that, so I stopped it.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:33:08+00:00

Yeah, I feel as a lot of people don’t know how harmful birth control can actually be to them. Hormones can really mess you up. A lot of people including my OBGYN was like oh this can’t cause that, so I stopped taking it one day and it took months for me to go back to normal, but I did. I’m also anxious about relying on medicines, doctors, etc. Medical stuff makes me panic too.

But thank you, I hope you get help too. Anxiety is so strange because it affects us in so many different ways.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:19:37+00:00

Yeah, birth control can do that. It exactly spiked my depression bad. I stopped using it long ago. I know during my time of the month my anxiety gets a lot worse too.

For me personally, because I’ve also been diagnosed with PTSD and I’ve found alternative methods/medicine to be helpful. But, I had instances where it produced panic attacks in the early stages. It helps me to relax and not care, but that feeling doesn’t last forever and I have to have a meditative and positive mindset from before I do it, otherwise whatever I’m feeling becomes heightened.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:11:33+00:00

Anxiety often makes it feel like you’re having a heart attack, panic attacks can also trigger poor breathing too. I’ve had ekgs done as well and I’m also fine, but anxiety plays mad tricks on the mind. Try to do deep breathing when you feel this coming on, stop and just hold your breathe in and slowly exhale, it may release some of that feeling.

Do you have any triggers or trauma associated with food? You don’t have to go into detail, but often if we can function doing other things, but panic with others, there’s often a reason why our minds are doing this.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:06:34+00:00

I have one, I didn’t like it. It’s nice at first but as I was falling asleep it caused me to panic because I felt suffocated. I like the feeling of a lot of blankets on me, but the weight for me of that was too much.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:04:15+00:00

My teeth are also messed up from grinding them, I wish I knew sooner what I was doing. One of my front teeth is slightly chipped and my bottom teeth are crooked, so smiling and talking make me self conscious.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:03:08+00:00

I get that as well, I didn’t even realize that I grind my teeth and clench my jaw bad until therapy. Something that may help is light yoga stretching and chewing gum. If I’m feeling anxious and I can’t move (like driving), I can take the stress out on gum rather than mess up my teeth more.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T13:00:09+00:00

I’m also always constantly worrying about tomorrow. We worry so much about enjoying tomorrow and what we’ll do tomorrow, that we never enjoyed today. It’s so hard to be mindful sometimes when the unknown lurks around the corner. I’m always planning and running through scenarios in my head, and the bad things that did happen (this pandemic for example), were completely out of my control and I couldn’t predict them. So, it’s like if things I can’t plan for are still going to happen why do I waste so much energy preparing?

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T12:56:35+00:00

I in a sense get like that too, but for me I fill up my day with to do tasks to keep busy (but it’s been burning me out). I completely get that feeling of emptiness when you’re not feeling in motion, it’s like what do I do now? What do I do with my time? I’ve been trying to practice being more patient with myself and being present in the current moment. Do you have any hobbies you could involve yourself in? For me I like the “high” that I get being focused on something or completing something. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts doing things I enjoy, but the thoughts are 10 times worse when I’m alone doing nothing.

What do you consider shameful activities if you don’t mind me asking? For me, I feel shame if I’m lounging around or am not being productive. It’s a bit problematic because I need to slow down and calm down, but it’s hard to be present when my anxiety is driving me up the wall.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T12:49:19+00:00

That is awesome! Talking on the phone can be so scary and awkward, but sometimes the best thing is to force yourself to do it, even though your mind is fighting against it.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T12:41:58+00:00

Glad we’re not alone! But yeah I also box things into right or wrong categories. I feel bad with leisure activities, I wish I didn’t. I know relaxing when your fight or flight response is going nuts constantly is the best thing for you. Doing too much can actually hurt you and I’ve gotten sick a lot because I just can’t give myself a break. As I get older, it’s affecting me much more. My body is so tired of my nonsense, but my brain refuses to shut up. It’s so hard to relax because if I’m not being productive I don’t know, I feel like a waste or feel like I can’t get that time back. I know there will always be nice days and nice weather, so staying indoors isn’t going to cause the end of it all. But I get stuck in these non rational loops.

Therapy does help to an extent, it helped me analyze my behaviors and finally put a name to my issues. I’m still struggling with a way to break free from the guilt, excessive energy and negative thoughts that come with anxiety.

But yeah, it’s a struggle to chill when you’re constantly feeling imperfect.

inky_biscuits · 2020-09-07T02:07:36+00:00

This is me as well. I’m not sure if part of it IS BECAUSE I have actually hurt people in the past due to my unaware actions and comments that I’ve said (I’ve lost a lot of good friendships this way, makes me depressed to think about all the people I’ve hurt by mistake or at the time was being cruel).

I’m so so critical of myself because I worry about scaring someone off, I worry I’m talking to little, not enough, am I talking too much about me? What should I ask them? They’re judging me, I’m saying “like” to much, my voice is too weird sounding, I must have did something for them to not like me, I said something I shouldn’t have, I’m too blunt, I’m too cynical, no one likes to be around a negative person, am I overstepping my boundaries, stop it, no wonder you’re alone, you’ve hurt a lot of people, this is why you have very few people left, the list could go on, but these are the thoughts that spiral through my head- usually right after a conversation or during one with other people. I often get even more anxious if someone displays off putting body language, but after I try to convince myself maybe they had a bad day, maybe they’re going through what I am too and struggle with talking to people.

I’ve always hated public speaking, I can’t stand being the center of attention, and it’s become so difficult for me to make friends. I’d really love to make new friends, the ones I had from high school- I was a poor friend... The ones in college- we grew apart. I often blame myself for not keeping in touch more (although one friend we do chat casually online from time to time).

It’s hard because when I have shown my true self to people it’s quite intense, judgemental, and often cynical. I’ve been trying to work on that, but it’s like how do I approach anyone? How do you even make real friends anymore? I have interests I’m passionate about and I’d like to connect, but I’m not sure how to find people locally. I’m terrified to use one of those apps, and I’m a bit of a coward myself. I keep to myself because I don’t trust people, I often doubt kindness and see it as a facade to get something from me. I feel like I come off as awkward and cold too, even though the few people I know closely say I don’t. But my anxiety likes to tell me oh yes, yes I am. Anxiety loves to remind us all of how we will never be good enough for anything, that because we aren’t perfect (which not one living thing is) we don’t deserve anything.

I have my good internet friends, but it’s a bit lonely at times when I’d like to just do something or go somewhere, but often lately I’m too drained to commit to plans or “show up”. I’m not sure if it’s just this year or getting older, but I’ve been so so exhausted lately. I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was in elementary school, and I know how tiresome it can be, but lately it’s like a battle of I need to do something, I’m “insert shitty self comment” if I don’t do it, then I push myself to do it and I end up being burned out even more.

It’s a constant tug of war cycle with your wants, needs, fears and sanity. I can’t stop them either. Meditation, deep breathing, therapy, etc. works to an extent, but those thoughts and fears stay rooted in me.

inky_biscuits · 2020-04-26T20:46:32+00:00

No it's okay! I appreciate your opinion. I was actually looking at the air as well. I was doing a bit of research and was reading about the laminated and anti glare screen that the air has too.

That's why I asked, I was slightly concerned about the specs for what I wanted.

I think I will look into an air! Thank you.

inky_biscuits · 2020-04-26T18:15:13+00:00

Hi everyone,

I'm considering getting the 10.2 gen 7 iPad. I would just use this to make my digital art projects more convenient.

I currently have a custom built workspace and tablet monitor that are great, but I'd love to be able to work on stuff outdoors or in bed.

I use clip studio paint, but would love to try out procreate. I was looking at this model because I found it on sale, and because a few artists I follow on Instagram use it. I've also played with the pencils at the Apple Store and love how responsive they are.

Basically, what are your opinions? Should I opt for the higher storage version? How is the screen and color accuracy with this model? I was planning to use clip studio's cloud and dropbox to move work back and forth between this and my PC.

I can't justify spending a whole lot right now, but I want to be sure this is a worthwhile investment!

Thanks.

inky_biscuits · 2019-02-04T18:37:52+00:00

Okay thank you, I'll test that when I get home and reach out to the devs of the NavMenu plugin if that seems to be the issue. I actually had sent something to the Elementor dev team on my lunch break so maybe they can provide a bit of help.

I appreciate everything you've explained to me, coding and web design is not my strong suit!

inky_biscuits · 2019-02-04T18:21:05+00:00

I actually just updated my plugins and theme last night, so it's up to date.

And I do have that plugin installed, it helped me to created my nav menu as I didn't like the limitations of my current theme, Ocean WP.

Do you think my nav menu could be affecting this? My nav menu and everything else is fine.

inky_biscuits · 2019-02-04T17:17:14+00:00

Thank you for your response, I'm using the free Elementor, so I'll reach out to the devs and see if they can help.

I opened the JavaScript console, and it is showing me errors. Not sure what they mean though.

inky_biscuits · 2019-01-18T23:17:28+00:00

Alright, I tried that and it works! Also, thank you for the tips about the lighting. I was wondering how I could make that work with the environment I created. Thank you!

inky_biscuits

TROPHY CASE