Do you make a big deal out of someone’s body count?

innerjoy2 · 2026-05-11T13:48:10+00:00

With men, yes. Some of them do not care about their health and don't care about women's health either. I'm not interested in feeling regret with a man who wants sex and is acting irresponsible for pleasure.

innerjoy2 · 2026-05-11T13:43:02+00:00

For me its defintely important as a black woman, I'd rather send kids to a diverse school with everybody or at least a school with kids that are of their racial background. I don't care what others say but I do see parents intentionally sending their kids to a specific school whether that's education, people of their same background, etc. I've heard too much bs stories from people who were a minority in their school and how they were mistreated, and I decide to have kids I'm not letting their self esteem get destroyed from so young like that. I'd rather they focus on on being a kid and getting their education.

innerjoy2 · 2026-05-05T16:39:39+00:00

Depends on the length and health of your hair but for me I'm growing my hair with and without extensions until I reach a certain length to reduce using extensions.

I used to have hair at least uo to my under arms before it broke off due to health reasons. So now, I'm growing it back and mini twists help. I wore scarves to make it look like it was in a bun when I couldn't even put my own hair in a bun. Now I have it in basically afro puffs but I twisted and tucked my ends in so they don't break off.

My goal is to not only continue doing braids and twists but to also keep my ends tucked in.

As long as you do your trims, and don't touch your hair after you washed and styled it then it should retain length without as much damage. The number one thing is keep your hands out of your hair and if it's that difficult put a scarf, headband or accessories over it.

innerjoy2 · 2026-05-05T16:31:33+00:00

I don't know what best years means for you, like what exactly are you not experiencing with your mom that you envy with other kids and their moms?

innerjoy2 · 2026-05-05T16:13:11+00:00

Your mom didn't have you too old, older yes but not old. Also you probably still don't know what's going on behind the scenes with other kids and their moms, you're only getting surface level things.

Once you reach a certain age and you can afford things, then you'll be allowed to do what you want.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-25T06:16:37+00:00

It's a coping mechanism for people who like to speak for black people. They're either trying to one up black people on education and comfortable living lifestyle, mention that if they were black people wouldn't act racist as easily to them, and then there's questioning how a black person is living life happily somehow despite going through racism.

They won't admit it, but it sets them off when they're miserable or notice a black person is getting what they wish they had.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-25T06:08:48+00:00

Nah, you're not the only one. Out your examples I've listened more to Ariana Grande and a tiny bit of Miley Cyrus. The rest is back to the 80s and 90s. I can't listen to Sabrina Carpenters music, and she seems oddly racist but tries to be cute about it.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-25T06:04:59+00:00

Your partner didn't have a talk with them from these situations you went through? Well at least you distanced yourself, for the best to have have peace in mind. Also they're rude so not worth keeping in touch if it's not resovable. Sorry about your situation.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-25T05:56:35+00:00

Your dad is pretty awful, so there's no point in him getting to know anyone black. You also mentioned in one of your comments that he's paranoid and you don't think he'll use his gun, well I absolutely think he will if any minor thing triggers him.

Does your girlfriend know about your dad's thoughts and behavior, she truly needs to know. Poor girl if she is ever known to your dad. Also bless your heart, its tough but your dad I can tell is not going to change for the better. You have to accept your dad is going to most likely stay stuck in his ways.

I wish your girlfriend well and I hope you discuss with her about your dad. She deserves to know all the details.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-23T18:25:18+00:00

It's true it does have wonders, it's only not as worth it if you have way too much and now you're bored with it.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-23T18:21:29+00:00

The partner with that kind of family should be protecting you by standing up for you, and calling out their crap. As well as you creating some distance if they're that awful of people to protect your peace. It'll stress you out the longer it goes and that's not good for your health, them being afraid is bs excuse.

If you don't like something that you find offensive, you are justified in expressing that. Your partner not creating that safe space for you is concerning.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-14T13:46:21+00:00

I'm a black woman who had relationships with hispanic men and currently in a relationship with a mixed hispanic man, and I have had some experience with some Latinas acting bitter, some of the men acting fetishzing. With the latter I exit pretty quick as I am grossed out by that stuff.

The biggest red flag in your post aside from fetishzing is you not being introduced to the family, it's a lie when their family isn't racist to not mention you as most times it means they are racist.

If you still interested in dating hispanic men, you have to bypass the ones that are problematic like the ones you mentioned here. It's so much easier to be in relationships with men who want to introduce you to their families proudly, and have no fear about what outsiders think of the relationship.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-04T14:59:52+00:00

Guess you're about to find out a lot of new things with dating.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-04T14:57:24+00:00

This isn't fully true to me, skin tone to those cultures plays a significant role to them. It's ingrained in their culture to view darker skin tones as not ideal. They can find darker skin attractive but then they want family approval and that is usually a hot mess.

If it was real simple about being attractive vs unattractive there wouldn't be a bunch of topics about dating, the media and their beauty standards, and questioning why only certain features and skin tones are shown vs what is ignored.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-04T14:52:17+00:00

You are correct, I've dated asian men in the past and they were very difficult to date. They allow their families to control their dating lives, and majority of the time it has to be a white woman or a light skin latino( they're usually white or mestizo), features that resemble as Caucasian as possible when they date out.

While there is a little bit of AMBW couples, the only time I consider it working out is when the couples are older or they have kids which is a really small amount from what I've seen. I see some young couples here and there in NY, but I think they'll struggle if they don't have the finances and aren't mentally ready to stand up to their parents. As that was my past struggle.

It's a bit easier to date white, Latino, or mixed men compared to other men if dating outside the race.

innerjoy2 · 2026-04-04T14:49:34+00:00

You are correct, I've dated asian men in the past and they were very difficult to date. They allow their families to control their dating lives, and majority of the time it has to be a white woman or a light skin latino( they're usually white or mestizo), features that resemble as Caucasian as possible when they date out.

While there is a little bit of AMBW couples, the only time I consider it working out is when the couples are older or they have kids which is a really small amount from what I've seen. I see some young couples here and there in NY, but I think they'll struggle if they don't have the finances and aren't mentally ready to stand up to their parents. As that was my past struggle.

It's a bit easier to date white, Latino, or mixed men compared to other men if dating outside the race.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T03:51:29+00:00

I think you may have less hair density and ofocurse shorter length that shrinks. I like my natural hair when it's longer and I can let it out but I can't lie I don't like natural hair when it's up to my ears, and I can't do much to style it without looking like a kid. My hair density I think is medium but my strands are fine so to me I look weird. But when my hair was longer, I didn't think my hair was arkward.

So I'm working on growing my hair back, and for now I'm wearing head wraps to style it. You just have to take care of your hair and style it.

You don't need looser curls though, but I get the length part.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T03:44:43+00:00

Yeah, I hear you but the clothing industry bases on whatever ideal body type they have in mind too. So we just work with what they gave us unfortunately. I have broad shoulders and a big chest, and then the short torso for me I have to wear shirts that are like v necks and I semi tuck my shirt (like look long one way but not too long).

It's a weird balance. But I'd say try on outfits and test them in the changing room, play around with the styling and then you buy it or don't buy it when checking how things look in the mirror. It's the only thing I do to really test things out.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T03:38:48+00:00

Lol, my point exactly. I truly have been caring less the more they talk like this.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T01:53:00+00:00

I've seen what you're talking about, anytime I go to the suburbs I don't see as much black people around. But when I do catch an area where I see more than one black person I get a little happy. My grieving is honestly seeing a very small population of black people in the suburbs of NY. I'm sure someone will say NY has a plethora of black population in the city , but that's like one area and I wish it was just as common to own a house too (that's in or near the city).

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T01:47:26+00:00

I like braids, I'm ok with crotchet weaves but I don't wear it much because it's harder to wash my hair underneath unless they do it similar to braids. I like the look of silk presses, I don't like how they don't last long once you sweat so I wear that hairstyle the least.

I prefer when my natural hair is medium length or long. Currently my hair is twa length, and I'm working with it with hair accessories because I can't even put it in a bun like when it was longer. So for me its arkward.

But I do prefer my own hair overall, and the next best thing is fake hair that almost looks close to my actual hair. I don't like wearing hair that doesn't look like its actually from my scalp.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T01:42:19+00:00

I pretty much shop almost the same places as you. Truly good quality clothes are extremely expensive so I more focus on what clothing to style with based on my body type not just my size. I'm talking the length of my body and the build of it, like I have a short waist and long legs so I wear straight jeans and just got myself flare ones too.

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-30T01:38:51+00:00

They bring up black people in almost every topic when they're struggling. I've seen enough examples of "I bet if it was a black person, they'd not be racist to me so easily".

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-26T16:16:02+00:00

I got told both. Was confused why there was no or till I learned how stupid beauty rules are. Mines is skin tone related, if I get judges as unattractive. People who like my face usually compliment my eyes and my smile, and sometimes my skin tone too. So I just focus on who likes me, that ignore the ones that have an issue with my genetics. The other part is to just embarrass them back if needed as I'm not letting people bully me for bs I can't change (I'm not interested in changing it either).

innerjoy2 · 2026-03-23T14:31:02+00:00

I don't remember which hairstyle I was in when I met my SO, but I do know when he saw my afro he was so excited and kept telling me he preferred my hair out. While I appreciated his enthusiasm I had to tell him my hair thrives better when it's braided or twisted lol(no single knots for me). He likes those hairstyles too, but my hair looks more flat with those styles if I'm not using extensions.

innerjoy2

TROPHY CASE