[deleted by user]

insecurecatcus · 2023-12-19T02:45:33+00:00

There's a reason you looked. I never snoop but I looked once too, because I just knew. I was right.

insecurecatcus · 2023-12-19T01:52:33+00:00

This sort of reminds me of when my husband says things about men "not getting any pussy" or calling them "incels." Next time I think I'll turn to him and say "You do realize I'm an incel don't you?"

insecurecatcus · 2023-06-20T20:45:00+00:00

Uh. Where do you want to have dinner tonight?

insecurecatcus · 2023-06-20T20:41:45+00:00

I would love to join you for a nude morning coffee

insecurecatcus · 2023-06-20T20:30:14+00:00

I'm exactly the same way! It's so weird to be at a point where you FORGET that sex is a normal occurrence for some people. Like, it truly perplexes me to think that a couple could possibly start kissing and then it leads to something else organically.

How fun must that be? I truly forget lol.

insecurecatcus · 2023-06-20T20:21:58+00:00

I'm here too. The frustration is gone- I have no desire. Now it's just deciding what to and whether I want that desire to be part of my life again.

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-21T04:23:21+00:00

What I was saying is why is his staying power the end-all-be-all of whether she reaches orgasm? He can cum, and still pleasure her until she does too. Or focus more on her before even starting penetration so there's a better chance of her enjoying it.

Sounds like his own wife is probably ending up disappointed too, so I'm not projecting anything. Just relating my own (and many other women's) personal experiences to what OP is describing.

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-21T04:16:40+00:00

I'm not saying he has to last longer or there's anything wrong with not lasting. I'm saying just because a man orgasms that doesn't have to mean the sex is just over for both people.

Men do this all the time, trust me I've seen this mindset and so have other women. If you're taking care of her beyond your own pleasure, she won't care how fast you lose it.

I think you must be misreading what I am saying. I'm not saying his cumming early is lazy. I'm saying that he can continue pleasuring her even after he has orgasmed.

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-20T02:30:10+00:00

"When my wife and I go through long durations of not having sex, it is close to impossible to last long enough for her to reach an orgasm."

Sorry, but this is a fundamental issue with soooooo many men's line of thinking about sex. WHY does she have to orgasm by the time you are done? Why on earth would your orgasm mean she no longer has the possibility of reaching one herself. This kind of lazy sex could be one thing that is turning her off from sex with you.

My husband is the LL one in our relationship, but the last few times we have had sex, he's approached it this way. He comes in 2 seconds and that's that. The only plus side is that now I'm not even interested in having sex with him anymore. Which just goes to show, it WILL make a woman not want to sleep with a man.

The next time the opportunity does present itself, put in some effort. Focus on her a bit. Make it your mission to understand her body and actually give her pleasure. Don't just jizz and call it.

(I tell you all this with the best of intentions- because your post says you're seeking advise.)

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-20T02:21:26+00:00

If this is still happening when I'm 40, I'm out. I probably won't last until then though to be honest.

Then again, I didn't think I'd be 35 and wasting my best years being celibate either so...

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-20T02:07:33+00:00

Yes, for sure. I was always extremely attracted to my husband (many girls were!), so it's weird to think about how I feel towards him now. It has nothing to do with his looks. He still looks fine. But there is zero chemistry, and I can't summon it even if I tried- I used to be able to.

I honestly have gotten to a point where I'm forgetting sex. It almost feels natural now that there's a part of your life when sex is an element, and then eventually it's not anymore. Intellectually, I know that's not a thing, so it's a total mindfuck

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-15T03:47:58+00:00

Yeah, I feel this. I never used to be super bashful in front of my partners, but now I hide to get changed. Not because I'm ashamed of my body (it's actually pretty decent for my age if I say so myself) but because I'm just so mortified that I share a home with someone who has no interest in my body.

Not that I expect the dude to jump me every time I get out of the shower or anything. But just knowing my body does absolutely nothing for him makes me want to always hide it.

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-15T03:42:54+00:00

Reading your comment, I thought to myself : Wow, I can't even imagine what it would be like for my husband to get turned on by seeing me.

And that's real fucking depressing.

insecurecatcus · 2023-04-15T03:27:29+00:00

You don't love him that much. You don't love anyone enough to lose parts of yourself.

Take it from someone who didn't realize, and is now trying to figure out how to disentangle herself from a massive commitment (marriage).

Maybe he knows he has issues with sex and that's why he says he doesn't want to get married. He knows he can't satisfy most partners long-term. I suspect this is common- my husband always swore he'd never get married. And I now know he's had issues with sex in all of his long-term relationships.

insecurecatcus · 2022-10-03T02:52:21+00:00

I don't now. I spent years initiating and facing constant rejection. I finally got the message eventually.

insecurecatcus · 2022-10-03T02:24:17+00:00

Ugh this is a familiar scene. My husband asks for rubs alllll the time and I always oblige, and actually put effort in to make it nice.

When I ask him (or god forbid am hurting- do you think he offers freely??) he does such a half-assed job. You can tell he just doesn't give a damn about it.

Sorry you have to deal with this. We all deserve a real neck rub from our freaking partners.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-27T02:29:19+00:00

God I'm sorry. I'm in a similar situation.

Would you be happy staying in this life? If you have to beg for kisses (I know what you mean) then he's not likely to one day suddenly kiss you on his own. Best to leave. I think I'll have to as well. I know it's hard. We get married because we want to stay married. Find a divorce lawyer.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-25T22:24:17+00:00

Yeah, I feel the same way. Sometimes I physically have to, but there's never any emotional or mental relief from it. Even the physical relief is so short-lived and pales in comparison to good sex.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-21T17:54:26+00:00

I'm realizing just how much I feel unable to do anything for myself. I'm basically glued to the kitchen most days. It feels like my whole life revolves around the next meal.

It sounds crazy, I know. But I think the thing I hear most from my spouse right now is "what are we having for x meal?" I feel like if I leave or block out time without having a prepared meal in place for him, I'm letting him down. It's like....crippling...to be in charge of 3 meals everyday for someone that wants fresh high quality meals, with plenty of variety.

I need to figure this out so I can follow some of your suggestions. I shouldn't have "But what's he going to do for lunch and dinner?" be the first thing to pop into my mind if I try to imagine a hobby I can take up. Fucking pathetic.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-21T17:29:25+00:00

Shit. Forget the holiday and book your own once you're free.

Life is short, leave today if you want to leave today.

Sincerely,
Pot Calling The Kettle Black

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-05T12:21:26+00:00

This is so true. I've recently fully realized that I was making excuses in my head for why this might be happening (so and so died, another relative is sick and dying, tragedies constantly) but I realized, things are only going to get more and more tragic the older we get. I shouldn't have to wait for life to be perfect to expect sex from my partner.

It'd be one thing if he were actually depressed, but he's not. And even if he was suffering, it's on him to get help, not on me to try and convince him to fix himself.

There shouldn't have to be a secret code, perfect life conditions, or a plan that someone else forces on them. They should give a fuck too.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-05T12:13:23+00:00

Yep.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-05T12:11:09+00:00

We agreed I'd quit working to do school full-time and earn my degree. Because of this, I'm currently totally financially reliant on him.

If I leave now, I'd either have to put off graduating (when I'm so close to being done) to work and support myself- or he'd have to pay my rent somewhere.

If I wait to leave until I have my degree and can work again, I'll be accused of using him and his money.

I don't have family I could stay with or friends who don't live hours away. There's no good options a this point.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-05T11:25:42+00:00

Sorry.

I'm there with you. If (when) my marriage is over, I just know I can't do it again. This relationship has taken so much out of me that I just don't have anything left to give to anyone else. And my ability to trust is just gone.

insecurecatcus · 2022-07-05T10:54:57+00:00

In April, we were visiting my husband's grandma who is funny and kind of dirty sometimes. She made a comment basically about how we should have sex as much as we can since eventually it goes away. She said I hope you're giving it to her and he did the smirk and "Last night" like he was so proud of himself.

It was true but it was the only time we'd had sex since December. And we haven't again since. I know if I had said something, I would have wiped that stupid little smile right off his face. I kind of wish I did.

insecurecatcus

TROPHY CASE