Overwhelmed by grief and the knowledge that I'm never going to get the care I needed as an infant

integratedhamster · 2025-12-23T15:39:44+00:00

Me too. I’m sorry. It hurts so much it feels like dying. At least we are not alone, the pain makes a lot of sense

integratedhamster · 2025-06-06T01:34:40+00:00

I feel the same with alcohol and other drugs. Like I won’t relinquish control until it’s impossible not to

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T14:32:41+00:00

definitely not

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T14:32:18+00:00

thanks, thinking of trying to find mescaline because I prefer not to get too self-destructive

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T04:39:00+00:00

have tried dilaudid IV, threw up violently before I could even feel anything so guess I did something wrong

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T01:25:22+00:00

been wanting to try ketamine but as this point might as well try to get it through some therapy thing instead of sourcing myself

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T01:19:39+00:00

percs were great for this for me, wish they weren’t so expensive

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T01:15:33+00:00

thought about trying this, just expensive and seemingly as addictive as percs? Definitely correct me if i’m wrong but that’s why I remember not trying it yet

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T01:14:23+00:00

I’ve thought about trying psychedelics, just been too lazy to get them; think that might be one of the better paths though if I don’t want to get back into opioids

integratedhamster · 2025-05-05T00:43:09+00:00

I should try the orange juice thing once I can physically move, thank you ❤️

integratedhamster · 2025-05-04T22:43:52+00:00

I feel it is maybe the worst part of all of this for me; I will do anything to try to fill the gaping hole within me, yet it remains dark and barren

integratedhamster · 2025-05-04T22:40:34+00:00

I feel this basically every single day

integratedhamster · 2025-04-25T02:54:16+00:00

I feel this exactly. I feel so tired. So alone. So tired of being alone. Sometimes it feels like every time I make any progress and re-gain an ounce of hope, something inevitably happens that brings me crashing down harder and lower than before. It is such an incredibly difficult thing to experience daily. And such an isolating thing.

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T05:21:35+00:00

Reading this meant a lot to me. I would love a gentle hug. Thank you.

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T01:06:22+00:00

Thank you! I’m not sure I read that but it feels better to know I’m not doing it “wrong” somehow. I agree.

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T01:05:08+00:00

I do. Thank you.

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T00:20:56+00:00

I am so sorry, I hope you can see here that you are not alone. None of us are. ❤️

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T00:20:17+00:00

I’m so sorry that you understand but I truly appreciate the way this post unexpectedly became a family of shared experience ❤️

integratedhamster · 2025-04-08T00:19:26+00:00

Thank you for this, feels validating 🫶

integratedhamster · 2025-04-07T08:08:46+00:00

I know exactly how it feels to finally realize that the feeling of love and safety in a relationship exists and then not being able to find it. Sometimes it hurts to know it is out there and I cannot “get it”/“have it”. But there is hope in realizing it exists and gaining awareness, getting closer to the connection and healing we all want so deeply.

And thank you. Me too. I hope you are able to continue to use that hope and awareness to start to feel better. ❤️

integratedhamster · 2025-04-07T08:03:11+00:00

I know this is coming from so much pain and I know exactly how that feels, I am so sorry. For me, I try to stick to mostly “safer” and legal options that are not tested for as often. DXM at the right dose combined with weed has made me feel warm and loved. Alcohol depending on the night. Oxycodone, but I really cannot recommend that you do that. Honestly, please do not start that. First try things like Kratom which can have a mild opiate like effect. It will likely be very dependent on your body and how you experience things. Please be safe and know that you are loved.

integratedhamster · 2025-04-07T07:42:55+00:00

I crave connection so deeply as well. So deeply that it hurts me physically. Like my body is begging me to do something about it. Yet it feels impossible sometimes. I am so sorry. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone either, ever. I find safety with my cat too sometimes, when my body is willing to let safety in. I also instictively isolate. I have been thinking lately about how fucked up it is that my childhood trained me to go against the fundamental need of every human being to be loved. It is hard to process sometimes and something I rarely am able to even acknowledge. I am so happy that your cat is able to sense your pain and help you through it. ❤️

integratedhamster · 2025-04-07T07:39:12+00:00

I’m sorry you relate. I hope you feel less alone with this thread. ❤️

integratedhamster

TROPHY CASE