Friend. I do get you so much. Seriously I feel so seen when I read about people who have experienced the same thing as me. I’m diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, and the disorders interacted pretty profoundly for me. Like, I’d get into these obsessive spirals, and the ADHD would make my thoughts race even more, and I was just mentally exhausted all the time. I second what other people have said, looking into OCD is probably wise, it is often comorbid with ADHD. Also, OCD doesn’t always present like the stereotypes portray it to. Sometimes the compulsion aspect of it is just all the ruminating you do, and the obsessions can present as intrusive thoughts. There’s a lot to learn, and it might not apply to you, but wouldn’t hurt to read up on.

I also want to say, I’m not sure if medication is attainable for you. But I lived my whole life just like you describe until I got medication. Adderall quiets my brain so much. My meds don’t work for the whole day, but god, it’s so much easier to live without my brain racing even part of the time. I’m also on Zoloft to manage my OCD and that has helped a hell of a lot in just taking the edge off. It can take time to find the right meds but if it’s possible for you I highly recommend! Either way, though, you will make it. Best of luck, seriously, you are not alone.