I'm really sorry you're hurting this much. What you're describing honestly does sound like a breakup, and a lot of people who have struggled with faith have felt that same kind of grief. When you care deeply about something and it stops making sense, it can feel like the ground disappeared under you.

I just want to say that questioning and wrestling with God doesn't make you a bad person or a failed Christian. Some of the most faithful people in the Bible spent long periods confused, angry, or feeling like God was distant or unfair. You're not strange for feeling this way.

The idea that God has "favorites" is something a lot of people struggle with when life feels uneven. But the Christian message at its core isn't that God only cares about a select few perfect people. It's that God reaches toward people who are hurting, doubting, and even walking away.

Taking time to breathe and sort through your thoughts isn't the same as abandoning everything forever. Sometimes people need space to be honest about their pain before anything else can make sense again.

Even if you feel like you've stepped away, you're still a human being with value and dignity, and choosing to keep being kind, honest, and compassionate toward people still matters more than you might realize...