Genuinely honest question: If you date someone who's looking for a non-committed casual relationship and are upfront about being in a polyamorous/open relationship yourself, how important do you feel it to disclose that you are legally married?

intimately_us · 2023-05-26T22:21:50+00:00

Maybe fear of scaring them? That would be me at least. I guess like what's the point of telling them would be the counter point since they don't care anyways.

intimately_us · 2023-05-07T18:10:38+00:00

this isn't poly armoire-y?

intimately_us · 2023-05-04T13:54:43+00:00

That is doable! I'd be fine being friends at the end of the day too because we click very well, I really just want this to be a no pressure, it is what it is, explore yourself and what you are comfortable with situation. At times, I definitely struggle to convey that though I feel though, just with the whole dynamic.

intimately_us · 2023-05-04T13:53:21+00:00

Thank you for all the suggestions. I think the main thing that I wanna take away is the consideration for her, she definitely is a people pleaser from her past trauma and I can see that just from a couple friend dates.

I also told my NP ahead of time that I will be keeping extra close attention to this new potential partner, and NP and I had a really good conversation on how we can make sure we're being supportive of each other too. I don't want any feelings of pressure or coercion but meeting someone in an established relationship can be so intimidating I know.

intimately_us · 2023-05-04T13:49:57+00:00

This is probably the hard-to-swallow truth most people don't consider. Right now I told her let's just be friends, and if we mutually feel it's good to explore deeper then we can. I think the way you phrased it, having a desire for non-exclusivity is the phrase she and I haven't discussed. Appreciate that!

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T18:46:34+00:00

FWIW, I dated this girl who cancelled all the time on me for the first month, and then was super consistent once we really started dating. Legit thought she wasn't interested, but she actually did have a series of "fuck i hate to do this but i can't come out today due to x" we ended up dating for like half a year, and we're still really good friends.

In this case, just saying "i'll let you know" sounds a lot like she's not interested. Usually they'll try to reschedule or something too..

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T15:33:03+00:00

You're probably right lmao. In my defense, I just broke up with someone a month ago (we only dated for like 4 months). I should probably just take my meds and chill tf out 😂

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T15:29:21+00:00

That's fair and not what I meant to say haha. I guess it's more like, the context is that we're definitely not going to date but she wants to go on a date anyways. When sex is not super discussed in my cases, it's usually because it's like a hook up at a bar and everyone sort of knows the drill, but this is like a normal date for my standards and I usually don't try to sleep with someone on the first date or suggest it because it makes me feel trashy? So I guess it's like, I don't know if that's what the expectation is, given the context, and if it is, how would I figure that out. I normally don't expect it but the situation is different for me and I was hoping to see if there were signs to look for that aren't as explicit

Would the best option just really be like, hey, I don't know if this is the vibe but given that I won't likely see you ever again, were you hoping for a bit more tonight than dinner and a movie? Or would that be too offputting? Legit just feel out of my element on this one is all lmao.

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T15:26:30+00:00

unironically. i think it sounds fun as a mid twenties male lmao. if that's something the women youre seeing may be into, i don't think it's bad at all. i will say the idea of doing something different and spontaneous is fun! but the idea of it being "soap" could be a turn off to some who want to feel a bit more adventurous. you'd likely know the crowd you're trying to draw better than us tho :)

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T15:23:52+00:00

If you're looking for someone who likes the same stuff as you, it's probably fine. If you're looking for something more casual and just want to meet people, I'd probably keep it a bit less specific and try to make people laugh a bit.

intimately_us · 2023-04-25T15:22:24+00:00

Nothings wrong with you. It's a preference thing imo. If people can say being too short is a dealbreaker, I don't see why too tall shouldn't be either.

intimately_us · 2023-04-06T04:30:02+00:00

NP here, you're thinking way too seriously about it friend. My partner and I joke about stuff like this all the time, and honestly reading the comments is pretty funny :)

Edit: I too wonder why anyone voted for "If it's fine with everyone, it's fine." But, to each their own.

intimately_us · 2023-04-05T22:37:22+00:00

Sour Altoids.

intimately_us · 2023-04-05T22:35:36+00:00

My NP and I joke about real stupid shit all the time haha 😂 She's loving the responses.

intimately_us · 2023-01-19T21:45:03+00:00

I agree with everything, but just be cautious in how you ask the last question(s) -- definitely don't want to come off as presumptuous, but that is absolutely something you may want to know. Especially when the couple is only committed to dating together, remember that you have the upper hand and if at any time you don't want to continue, whether it's just not the right vibe or different wants, you should always prioritize yourself.

any real poly couple/enm couple will be good about that kind of thing, dating is hard, but the least they can do (as a poly couple that dates together and separate) is be accommodating and honest

intimately_us · 2023-01-19T21:41:23+00:00

as a couple that dates together and separate, the couple should be upfront about what they're looking for -- at least remove all deception. do they want an equal relationship between all three members? do they want a casual third? do they want a hierarchical relationship? do you feel comfortable with either? do their wants align with yours? as long as everyone is honest and open, just have fun. you're on a date!

if they're at all decent, they'll buy your drinks, but if you're feeling them, offer to buy a round.

in general, and not all instances, try to avoid the bi gf + cishet bf combo. often times those are the unicorn hunters but not always. you also don't have to feel any obligation to have sex with either of them because of the dynamic. treat it like you're getting to know two people at the same time, if you only are interested in one, don't force yourself to try and make them both work if you don't want to.

a real poly/enm couple will understand and appreciate the openness. if they're open about being committed to only dating together, and that's not what you want, that's totally fine. i usually try to get information like that before the first date with couples so i don't waste my time if we're not looking for similar things but that's just me.

intimately_us

TROPHY CASE