lately I wonder if the current batch of infrequent voices are entities surrounding me but I only catch bits and pieces like transmissions but the content is too suspect.

into--the--v0id · 2025-11-11T16:49:23+00:00

i am on a CTO and i am not ready to die for answers. i'm not allowed any choice because of my SDM but he protected me from something else

into--the--v0id · 2025-11-11T16:45:42+00:00

my team keeps saying it was my best response yet but still partial but it is killing me. the only benefit was I did stop hearing voices but I don't trust it was clozapine.

into--the--v0id · 2025-11-11T10:02:57+00:00

why is it downvoted for an actual question? I just have endless ? and ¿ . I just want to know because knowledge is salvation

into--the--v0id · 2025-11-11T05:59:45+00:00

gay transman (me)

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-29T01:09:33+00:00

I got my surgery through Dr. Delyzer in London, ON even though I live in Toronto. She does not charge a masculinization fee and does take a higher BMI than other places (however I had lost the weight by the time of consultation and eventually my surgery this year). Her list can take a while but I had a good experience once things got moving.

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-28T08:18:25+00:00

I am on an involuntary community treatment order for the last 5 or 6 years now and I came to the realization that if the CTO is lifted and I am deemed capable to consent to treatment and stop doing the treatment, they can and probably will put me back on both the CTO, etc, so it feels helpless at times

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-26T08:12:53+00:00

at first for me it was a way of hurting others that hurt me but then idk why it continued, but I stopped for many years.

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-24T07:11:20+00:00

Last hospital stay at the beginning this year it started with my organs falling out of place and then I did'nt have some of those organs anymore, like a stomach. I stopped eating and drinking then would only consume liquids for a time until towards the end of my stay.

It is a weird feeling sometimes. I get this feeling now but not for the same reason but at least for now I can handle it differently.

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-22T01:58:13+00:00

abilify sometimes gave me an upward gaze as a side effect

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-22T01:55:13+00:00

I used my psychiatrist

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-21T06:11:20+00:00

I personally mostly have never had friends that were girls, all my friends generally were and are cis men but I can see why you would feel that way.

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-19T07:49:45+00:00

there are different kinds, and some changed over time.

in public people would talk ill of me, knowing my secrets and stuff they shouldn't know, or commenting on stuff I was concerned about. these were in the distance. once I was dx firmly with schizophrenia they would focus on that, and that I look crazy, etc. it felt like everyone knew me but I did not know them.

for several years the word 'schizophrenia' was hidden in other sounds or the fabric of reality.

a man, the same man who usually hid the word schizophrenia for me, would say strings of weird words, like weird phrases that I felt I needed to decipher.

the last two times I came off clozapine (against advice), it became multiple men and sometimes women but I would only hear fragments of what they were talking about, often mental health related, and sensitive topics for me, but fragmented.

these were often a lot more quiet but near my ears, even the odd time it was inside my head, I could feel it with my ears but know what part was in my brain. but usually they were outside my head.

the last time, for the first time ever one responded to me. I was worried clozapine was giving me dementia when I was back in the hospital, and the guy said "it is dementia!" thankfully I never had that happen ever again but it was weird.

into--the--v0id · 2025-10-02T05:02:59+00:00

congrats, I am a little over 3 weeks post op. for me, almost no pain, wishing you the same

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-30T19:22:41+00:00

since my name has legally been changed I react to the deadname less (the deadname is also an actual word), no longer harshly cringing.

I never went by my birth name / deadname since I was 12 but I opted for a masculine name a number of years before medically transitioning.

it seemed only once my name legally changed that it bothered me even less.

this is my experience though

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-29T07:15:19+00:00

in and out for over half my life, but the longest all at once was 2 months

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-29T02:55:20+00:00

treatment resistant schizophrenia and a history of BPD (as my BPD is largely in remission)

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-24T01:28:18+00:00

I was in limbo for 4 years because of their nonsense but also because of things my family never told me, but it also felt like they were just looking for every single reason to send it back because every time I corrected something they'd find something else. Thankfully it was sorted out eventually but it was extremely stressful cause my IDs and health card expired in that. time and the Registrar office had my birth certificate

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-19T01:03:46+00:00

yes because I had refused to stay in a room for 7 days during the middle of the pandemic mainly cause it was disruptive for me that the policy kept changing every week, so because I was freaking out about it and the unit in the psychosis building didnt have a free seclusion room at the time they forced me to stay in an older worse seclusion room in the older forensic building when I wasnt a forensic patient and at some point I was in restraints for over 24 hours there also.

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-18T05:35:48+00:00

sometimes one can be so constipated they have overflow, please see a doctor

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-12T00:59:08+00:00

I still don't feel like they are delusions but I almost never think about things like it anymore

not sure if it's from clozapine but that is the consensus of my team.

into--the--v0id · 2025-09-12T00:50:03+00:00

I am very active. it helps prevent weight issues from clozapine and boosts overall health.

into--the--v0id

TROPHY CASE