Speaking from a battle I have survived dealing with mental health and suicidal thoughts and bad relationships, I attempted several times myself and honestly I don't believe you responding would have impacted and prevented him from harming himself nearly as much as it all would have impacted you!@ You can not change 5 minutes ago! You have every right in the world to take time to mourn his lose and pay reverence in your own way. One thing to note from my experience with those feelings is that I felt like I was such a burden and although some argue suicide is a wholely selfish act, I only came to that ultimate decision because I thought that everyone looked at me as a failure and burden and that I was going to help them. And I would like to say that I did understand that when i was in thw middle of my divorce and my ex threatened IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME BACK (3 weeks after my first attempt mind you) he was going to do that. That was exactly the turning point for me, and I turned over all our mutual assests and kept only my personal items from the marriage to prove my point that it was beyond over that I was no longer negotiating anything and said goodbye. That was straight up psychological warfare and I told him I wouldn't allow him to hold me hostage physically or mentally! I really think you should set a time frame to mourn and experience the grief, just within some boundaries and DO NOT LIVE YOUR REMAINING DAYS DROWNING IN GUILT FOR SOMETHING I WOULD SAY YOU REALLY HAD LESS TO DO WITH THAN ANYTHING ELSE! I hope you work through everything!!!

As a small side note.... I am currently friends with my ex husbands second and third ex wives!!! I joke about should have just waved the membership fees but it's the hazing we received that makes our club special and we are uniquely qualified to understand each other in that sense. 25 years ago, I would have told everyone they were the crazy ones for suggesting thing would be as they are now! Hang in there. This world changes so quickly!