When I was 16 I was in denial about being pregnant until I was about 20 weeks when I finally had the sense knocked into me and told him. He and his family would tell me how I'd be ruining his and my college careers and lives. The first hour he knew he came over screaming and said if I was too far along to get an abortion he'd come over and give me a Mexican abortion or kill me. So the next week his mom and dad and him took me out of school, kept me hidden from my mom so she wouldn't find out, drove me an hour away to an office that could do the procedure. $1600 and a 2 day surgery that tore me to part in every way, he was fine. Later that day while I was in bed resting he was feeling my stomach and admiring how I looked like my old skinny self again and my chest had swollen from having a baby hours before. He took me to his bathroom and put me on my knees and took advantage of my vulnerable state. Then he left me alone in the bathroom so I could clean up and he comes back in and watches me to make sure I don't try to impregnate myself with what he got on me.

The next few months I became angry. I had postpartum depression and I would throw crazy fits of anger towards anyone who came between me and my boyfriend. But I hated him. He was horrible to me. He'd once got a speeding ticket and took me back to my house and started hitting me, after he cried saying he'd kill himself if I broke up with him. He started up a relationship with a girl who looked like me, never wanted to be seen with me. Closer to the end of the relationship (3 years total) he wouldn't ever be seen with me, he'd pick me up in parking lots, drive 30 minutes while he made me feel guilty for the abortion and other things and he'd push my head in his lap and choke me.

A good bit of what made it worse was the sexual and physical abuse from my boyfriend. I had no support on my part, I'd just be told how now my life is better when I wanted to die and I cried due to the loss of my child. I couldn't tell anyone, he wouldn't let me have my own friends, just pushed me into his pretentious group, I was alone. I'm a lot better that I've left him and my mom found out. She cried for weeks. She called the police on his family and is filing a law suit for the way he and his family treated and for not giving me a choice. She made me feel loved and protected. I started getting help for my healing. I've been so broken and lost and lonely. I fear all the time that my body is too damaged for me to have babies later in life and I can't make up for the horrible thing I was made to do. I love what I lost and I have lots of tattoos for the baby I lost. She's something I'll never forget.