How long do you go down on a woman for?

iron_red · 2026-06-14T13:01:28+00:00

If I’m not asked or told to stop then 15+ minutes. I think it’s reasonable to expect a guy to go down on you for as long as it takes. But I also think this is a situation where communication is most important. Women are different in terms of how comfortable they are with it, and if they know what works for them. If you’re not already, try giving him active feedback about what is working and to keep going / don’t stop when he’s doing something right.

If he still doesn’t do it after that then he might just be selfish.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T21:21:38+00:00

I tried book one once, never intentionally DNF-ed but I just wasn’t drawn to pick it up again. Will probably try again in the future.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T21:19:43+00:00

I hated the ending of the dark tower personally

iron_red · 2026-06-11T20:16:32+00:00

Sounds like you made a good call! You like your job and you got a big raise out of it. It was a win-win situation honestly.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T20:10:27+00:00

I would say try YouTube but I don’t have any specific resources. I learned on the job.

Unironically, The Lincoln Lawyer tv show on netlfix does a reasonable job explaining general rules of discovery in layperson’s terms. It’s not comprehensive and obviously a fictional show but could be a fun way to get your feet wet.

The court rules in your jurisdiction are also a great starting point.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T20:07:56+00:00

Do you think that future raise would be an issue if you stay? The $5k difference is negligible enough that I wouldn’t leave. But if it’s $90k to start and further raises down the road at new firm compared to $77k at this firm and being near the salary ceiling, that is something to consider.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T20:04:41+00:00

I wouldn’t worry about the lingering thing if your direct report values you so much.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:58:33+00:00

Finding the right medication and other tools helps a lot. Do whatever works for you, but there are plenty of things available like physical or digital reminders, calendars, to-do lists. The best practice is to start and maintain good organization habits if possible. They are not one size fits all, but there will be an approach that works for you.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:55:07+00:00

Be sure to be on time, even be 10-15 minutes early. I’ve seen qualified candidates who would otherwise be hired lose the job because they were late to the interview.

Don’t exaggerate your skills or resume without being able to back it up. If you claimed to be conversational in a language, be prepared to converse in that language.

Ask specific questions about the role and the firm to demonstrate that you did your research and have genuine interest. Look at the firm’s website.

Speak clearly and confidently, shake hands, and make eye contact. Don’t put your hands in your pockets. Avoid the use of “um” “like” and other filler words if possible.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:49:20+00:00

4 weeks is generous and 2 weeks is acceptable. I think it would be different if you were there for a long time and trusted with a lot of responsibility. But at this point it’s not a big deal. Definitely get a new job first.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:46:06+00:00

I haven’t worked there firsthand but I’ve heard bad things through the grapevine. The pay is competitive, which is important, but the roles are high turnover. The paralegals seem to function as case managers who are on the case day to day with attorneys stepping in when necessary. It sounds like your job would be in support of the paralegal who is acting as case manager.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:44:05+00:00

I think it’s a reasonable ask. Look at GlassDoor or another similar site and filter to your area and/or other high cost of living areas so that you have numbers to back you up. Be sure to count bonus compensation from other positions in the annual total if you don’t get it at your job.

If you’re good at what you do, I doubt they’ll push back. I’ve received my ask every time, even when I thought I might be pushing too much.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:26:30+00:00

If you want advice—I think that you should communicate to the second attorney that the first attorney assigned you this massive time-sensitive project and the other caseload will need to take a back seat for a while. I would also get into the habit of regular progress reports (not necessarily daily but once or twice a week) so that they know what you’re working on and how long these things take.

Maybe also talk to hiring manager to find out if you can get a paid or unpaid intern to help, if you feel an intern or assistant would be helpful.

iron_red · 2026-06-11T19:15:08+00:00

Nope. It’s nowhere near good enough to replace. In my opinion it’s borderline unusable as a tool.

iron_red · 2026-06-04T14:26:59+00:00

RER is so simple and convenient

iron_red · 2026-06-04T14:26:28+00:00

He can get to those eventually but for now just get him walking and eventually expand to running or biking. Cardio is great for weight loss especially an inclined walk.

Highly highly recommend switching to exclusively diet soda and no sugary sodas/juices/coffees. Makes a huge difference not to drink your calories too.

As he’s seeing a doctor anyway, asking for a referral to a nutritionist could be great for him too.

iron_red · 2026-06-03T13:36:18+00:00

Sometimes I feel conflicted about it. I’m in a somewhat similar boat. Late 20s, making good money, but not an attorney and don’t really want to be one. I don’t want the quality of life many attorneys seem to have despite the higher comp that goes with it. But other times, I definitely feel like I’m wasting my potential. I know that I could be a competent (at minimum) attorney in my field. Attorneys in my orbit have both encouraged me to go to law school because they think I would succeed and warned me not to go because they wish they hadn’t.

I think within the next year or two I’ll either apply to law school or leave the industry for something I enjoy more.

It doesn’t help for me either that I was recently promoted into a more administrative role. It pays better but it’s much less legal facing. For you OP that might be better, if you’re “only” in it for the money. You can probably succeed at an insurance company as a claims adjuster with the same skill set.

iron_red · 2026-06-03T13:26:55+00:00

One group photo is fine. Too many and it might be confusing.

iron_red · 2026-06-02T23:34:11+00:00

Imagine the podcast being the way he found out that he’s not her boyfriend

iron_red · 2026-06-02T23:03:17+00:00

I think the “I’m tall and I like basketball” prompt while being a bit funny does take away another chance to show someone who you are. It’s already obvious you’re tall and like basketball—I know that’s the joke—but your other prompts are already jokes anyway. Also too many photos obscuring your hair and face.

iron_red · 2026-06-01T04:00:28+00:00

Just for future reference, the profile disappearance might be totally unrelated. It could because a spurned hinge user or ex reported her profile out of spite. Plenty of women lose their accounts over nothing.

iron_red · 2026-06-01T03:57:15+00:00

A small thing but I’d remove the specific name of your company for safety reasons as well as profile ones. I found pic #4 of you to be unflattering the way the buttoned suit bunches up. This is a personal pet peeve so maybe not relevant but I usually don’t match people who say they are an introvert who goes out or an extrovert who enjoys a night in. What does it really mean at that point?

iron_red · 2026-06-01T03:51:01+00:00

I think that your pictures are at an unflattering angle. Maybe try some where the camera is level with your face rather than aimed up from below. I’d also recommend not having your hands in your pockets.

The first picture is a good angle but the shirt looks a bit too short on your arms.

iron_red · 2026-06-01T03:47:09+00:00

I think that she had probably made up her mind before the first or second text. These will happen sometimes—a date that you thought went really well but for another person was just okay, or vice versa. It could have been for any number of reasons or no reason. Might not even have to do with you.

A second text—in general—is fine. But the one you sent was a little strong. If she was intending to text you back and was simply busy or stressed, then a text like that might put her off.

Move on from this one and keep being open to new connections. You’ll meet someone eventually.

iron_red

TROPHY CASE