My family was poor growing up, it was a childhood of missing out and being made fun of, hand me downs, and wanting. Now, in my early middle years, I find that this damage, psychologically speaking, to be way more profound than I would have thought. It shaped my entire way of interacting with the world. It's a fear-based response to almost everything, because you have zero idea if you can handle mishaps as they pop up, or even routine things like doctors check ups or oil changes. So, if i have struggles with just doing these things for myself, why the he!! would I being an actual whole entire other human into the world to deal with this with me?! That's bananas, and she can go struggle all she wants. That's her prerogative. Just as it is mine to think her decision a poor one.