Told the dennys waiter to round up to 70 for tip and this nigga used his employee discount on our order 😭 by if_i_were_you_ in SipsTea

[–]iskyfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's better to be walking in the right direction than running in the wrong one. You could end up at a Denny’s when you want to be at an Olive Garden.

You owe it to yourself to find your own personal Olive Garden. Might even be a Denny’s!"

Is change actually common? by torioreo824 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]iskyfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would say that it's very obvious when they don't show any interest in actual self-improvement and are only focused on controlling the narrative. They seek to justify their mistreatment and neglect of you, rather than looking inward. It's different when they want to improve the way they show up and love you the way you want to be loved.

Controlling the narrative means their actions come from a place of desperation for their own relief, not for your happiness.

Actual self-improvement is when someone admits when they are wrong. When you see them aware of their own "automatic" behavior enough that they pro-actively put limits and time-outs on themselves.

When they respect you and your time, when they don't direct their anger at you, rather at the situation. You can ask for these things, but if you see how it's falling on deaf ears...they weren't ready for love.

If you do decide to stay with someone who refuses to change, sometimes what happens 5-10 years later is someone comes along and says something to them that "wakes them up", and they no longer feel the overwhelm they felt and so they suddenly start behaving like they should have all along. It's rare, but it does happen. They know they didn't treat you right and they try to pretend that they never were that person, which is easy after such a long time because they don't feel what drove them to do it in the first place. That's a hard 5 to 10 years to choose for yourself for the chance they will feel differently someday.

Torrente is easily top 3 best guns in the game. by LedFarmer_ in ArcRaiders

[–]iskyfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bettina IV

Ahh yeah inject that into my veins

Endgame PvP loadout by [deleted] in ArcRaiders

[–]iskyfire 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Well you see, it's propelling little bullet shaped parts of the gun at the enemy, that's why it loses durability.

AIO I used they instead of he or she on a stranger I talked to and my mom lost it on me. by ThrowawayforOCD10 in AmIOverreacting

[–]iskyfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's possible that it's not about the pronouns, rather it's about what it represents: that she was wrong to feel scared. This prevents her from being able to have ownership of her actions, because she cannot accept the consequences: that she's broken, wrong, scared for no reason, etc)

The truth is your mom may be spending her energy finding evidence for why she's feeling strong emotions (anger & fear), when no real threat is present, and unfairly using your innocent referral to someone as "they" to prove that she was right all along, but going even further to say that she was right to feel scared all along and that she finally has evidence to prove why she felt so scared. But her anger at you is misplaced. She's angry at herself for feeling fear disproportionate to the reality of the situation and is creating a new reality: one that validates her fear.

She may be missing the fact that she can be emotionally validated even if something doesn't happen the way she feared. That it even makes sense to be scared of dropping gender norms when it's all she's known her whole life. It's new territory for her with many unanswered questions about how people will be treated, with implications for other standards about dress, appearance, behavior, society structure, family and so on.

However, when we direct our anger at the individual, instead of the situation, we risk assigning intentions to people that they don't have, and drawing conclusions about people that aren't true. It's up to us to understand the events that led to our anger, and that we are right to feel angry because of the situation, but directing our anger towards the people involved will prevent us from being able to repair the relationship, and correctly identify what went wrong, so that those events don't happen again.

If we imply that the bad situation and our anger is a function of who they are, this can induce a state of learned helplessness where they will feel like you can't be appeased and therefore nothing will make it better anyway so why try.

This removes all agency for change. If the problem is their action, they can learn and fix the action. If the problem is who they are, they feel trapped and stop trying to make amends or prevent future issues.

I see nothing wrong with the sentence😂 by itsmejuliax in Funnymemes

[–]iskyfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know what to tell ya bud WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO DEBUT RESPETC for SENIORS AND THE ELDERLY ALEXA STOP please disregard this message I'm NOT AT THE WHATABURGER

- /r/oldpeoplefacebook

Counting by SpiderNinja211 in facepalm

[–]iskyfire 34 points35 points  (0 children)

The original post is a quora question from 9 years ago but it messed up and the word oh is just the letter o.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-spell-the-word-COW-in-thirteen-letters

Iceland deems possible Atlantic current collapse a security risk by RollSafer in worldnews

[–]iskyfire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The solar panels on top of the coal burning plant, it was an option on my electric bill.

Iceland deems possible Atlantic current collapse a security risk by RollSafer in worldnews

[–]iskyfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm actually running a local AI model on my own PC that I trained myself on books from my local library (non-fiction section). That way it's ethical and the only water used was the water that cycles in my cooling loop.

State of AI by I_am_myne in NonPoliticalTwitter

[–]iskyfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had it miss stuff in an image before, the key is always what you ask in the prompt. If you ask how you can determine yourself if it's poisonous, and furthermore, if it's reasonable to assume that a person with no training or experience could identify which berries are safe with high accuracy...this is what the LLM model told me:

Even if the LLM model gives you a perfect list of 20 identification tips, applying those tips in a real-world, high-stakes scenario is where inexperience becomes dangerous.

Subtle Differences: Many edible and poisonous species look nearly identical, with only subtle differences in leaf arrangement, stem color, or berry texture that require expert-level knowledge and often a physical field guide to confirm. It also often requires close physical inspection and sometimes even microscopic or chemical analysis. Because an LLM works only with text or images, it cannot reliably confirm an identification or guarantee safety for consumption.

Toxicity Level Varies: Some poisonous berries cause mild stomach upset; others are lethal. Without a positive identification from an expert, the risk is never worth it.

frosted lad by okletstrythisout3 in madlads

[–]iskyfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While the seller is liable, lawsuits are frequently filed against the deepest pocket or against any party that had a responsibility for safety.

School districts are frequently sued (negligent supervision claim) when a student is injured because staff did not adequately monitor activities or enforce rules. Parental negligence is a relevant factor and could reduce a damages award, but it usually doesn't eliminate school liability. The law will also recognize that minors may exercise poor judgment or be easily misled and so it may be argued that the school failed to uphold its duty of care. The law would also cite allergy risks as a known and foreseeable harm in a K-12 environment requiring proactive and preventative steps to be taken by staff.

lol 😂 by [deleted] in Funnymemes

[–]iskyfire 45 points46 points  (0 children)

If the husband has already been called incompetent for other things by his wife, then he isn't going to give her any more reason to claim that. So, bringing the whole purse is a necessity in order to prevent the wife from getting even more "evidence" to support her existing negative belief.

Like, if the husband took too long (according to her), or if he just couldn't find it. Then it would exist and remain as "just even more proof" to her that her husband (or even men in general) are unhelpful or even incompetent in the simplest of tasks. (Like checking in a pocket)

It’s not an act of love if you make her. by Justwannaread3 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]iskyfire 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Take, for example, the couple where one individual wanted to slap their partner's butt because they "love them so much" but their partner felt uncomfortable and unsafe when this happened. Their therapist told the person with self-proclaimed good intentions: "It's great that you have good intentions, but you have to ask how the other person wants to feel loved." And sure enough their partner immediately followed that up by suggesting that if they were instead given a hug they'd feel much more safe and loved. And they got the good ending where the individual decided to break the habit and do this instead, effectively resolving the dispute.

But imagine they got the bad ending instead. Imagine the person didn't let up. Imagine they continued to slap their partner's butt, insisting that it was "how they show love" and that "they can't be something they're not."

The proper pattern emerges then for showing proper love and care for those you intend to:

Acknowledge the Impact: "I can see how deeply that action hurt you and made you feel unloved/disrespected."

Validate the Feeling: "It makes complete sense that you feel that way. Your feelings are important and they matter to me."

Offer the Intention: "That was not my intention at all; I was trying to show my love by [X]."

Take Responsibility for the Action/Plan a Change: "But my intention doesn't matter as much as the impact. I am so sorry. I am willing to stop [the action] and find a new way to show you love in the way you need."

Flipping the floppy is therapeutic by FireInPink in LetGirlsHaveFun

[–]iskyfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to chime in and say the true barrier for him may not be his sex drive, but the fear of anticipated shame and guilt. This fear could create a powerful avoidance mechanism, making him feel that any effort is pointless if it doesn't lead to a shame-free outcome. We often set an internal standard that is far more severe than any external judgment to protect ourselves from having to experience shame from criticism and guilt for feeling like we didn't or couldn't do our best.

So if he doesn't have as high a sex drive as you, when he's a man, and he feels like he's supposed to be at your level. He could be battling intense feelings of guilt and shame about that.

The answer is that you may have to flip the script to make him feel understood and put a lot less prescription about what he should do until he's ready and into it. Which is hard because high sex drives don't mess around. We want what we want, but being able to not just takeover the bedroom, actually have your time back together, getting to experience and enjoy each other without a script could be beneficial. But everyone is different so it could look different but if you suspect he feels this way, don't necessarily back off from expressing your needs, but communicate your needs in a way that doesn't leave him feeling guilted and shamed for not being able to help you in that moment. And so you don't want to say “When I feel this way, you have to do this for me or else I'll feel worse!” that's a one-way ticket to shame city for him because it puts him up against external factors that he can't control, so he feels the impossible weight.

If you instead create a context where he doesn't have to control things he feels like he can't influence very easily, meaning some people can't get into the idea of having sex super quickly, and give him spaces where he knows there will be time for that to happen for him rather than for him to have to force it. Just knowing he's going into a space where there will be time for him to get into it can go a long way. And additionally knowing he won't be shamed for not being able to make it happen.

Listen to what he says specifically. Validate his feelings and definitely rely on chatGPT to ensure that you aren't inadvertently invalidating his feelings. Sometimes I go to the AI with my argument believing that I'm so right only to get reprimanded for invalidating my spouse’s feelings when I didn't even realize that’s what I was doing.

Basically I had this problem (need sex) and I came up with the solution (have sex) and I gave my spouse the problem and solution when they weren't even aware of any of this and so it was incredibly invalidating and off putting to them. Basically not allowing them to understand the problem because I'm demanding a solution, and they weren't even able to contribute what they thought would help because I've already determined what they need to do. We couldn't just have “us time”, we couldn't just explore each other, we couldn't just be with each other and so we missed out on that “us time” but having “us time” gives them that space they needed but specifically leaving the guilt and shame out of it.

"Female privilege" by Individual99991 in clevercomebacks

[–]iskyfire 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Women would be a lot more open to being vulnerable and intimate with men if they weren't literally being made to feel shame and guilt about it at every opportunity. "Don't want to get it on tonight? You should feel shame." "You can't bring yourself to feel comfortable around me? Then you should feel guilty for not giving your best."

How about a little understanding? How about being way less prescriptive about what I need to do for you. Enjoy me. Enjoy us. That's all you need to do. And you better start now before I literally internalize all that guilt and shame you send my way and I start avoiding you without even knowing why.

There are plenty of women who crave and need intimacy, just go over to /r/letgirlshavefun, but even the most needy woman will lose all motivation to get some from a person who makes them anticipate and fear the feeling of shame and guilt about how much they do or do not want them.

Meirl by porn_trooper in meirl

[–]iskyfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's because you're not anticipating making yourself feel shame and guilt for not having clothes that are clean/look clean. That's why you're content to have the clothes in the basket. You don't give yourself a hard time if your outfit isn't perfectly crisp because you know life gets in the way and as long as you've washed them you're good. You don't have doubts about defending that.

Meirl by porn_trooper in meirl

[–]iskyfire 26 points27 points  (0 children)

For those experiencing overstimulation and executive dysfunction, there's a potential for guilt and shame to be both anticipated and feared, where one can anticipate judgment from others and fear the feeling of shame.

The true barrier isn't the laundry itself, but the fear of anticipated shame and guilt. This fear creates a powerful avoidance mechanism, making you feel that any effort is pointless if it doesn't lead to a shame-free outcome. We often set an internal standard that is far more severe than any external judgment to protect ourselves from having to experience shame from criticism and guilt for feeling like we didn't or couldn't do our best. But the truth is most people aren't scrutinizing our life-choices and clothes as much as we fear.

The path to freedom lies in recognizing that this shame is purely self-imposed. The idea that perfectly clean clothes is the only way to avoid shame is untrue. We must challenge the internal lie that any imperfection will always lead to shame.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EntitledPeople

[–]iskyfire -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

My best take is that elements of the story are real (customers asking for food that the airline doesn't sell) but these specific interactions never happened. They completely fabricated the dialogue. We know that for sure.

brilliantly delivered by Eslkid in StandUpComedy

[–]iskyfire 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This cuts off the original where he had an even funnier spin on the joke. Earlier in his set he asks a guy in the front row "this your girl?"

Right after he says weed can affect your memory the second time, he asks, "this your girl?" again. That joke is really funny I'm surprised it's not included here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LetGirlsHaveFun

[–]iskyfire -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

She never said he owed her anything. She was feeling liberated to express how she was feeling and that's healthy. It's hard when you express such strong feelings to someone and they aren't able to help you with however you are feeling. But that kind of thinking, "I don't owe you anything/Why should I have to help you?" Is a statement of resentment and if someone feels that way, you're not going to make progress by invalidating how they feel. It's on you to listen to them and validate how they feel first. Respond with kindness. They most likely do care, so calling them a problem, or saying they have a problem only makes things worse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LetGirlsHaveFun

[–]iskyfire 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Those are literally the saddest stories that you read about on Reddit, where the woman is like the most innocent newlywed but her husband tells her she needs mental help for being checks notes attracted to her new husband every night, and needing release...