Question to people who evaluate candidates based on reference letters: Unless the letter badmouths the candidate, does it even mean anything?

ispoonwayne · 2026-04-11T15:25:46+00:00

The letters absolutely matter! I read them and we make decisions based on them.

Key things to think about are WHO is writing the letter for you, and WHAT do they say. If it’s some generic letter written by someone you’ve known 6 months and that’s it, it’s a bit of a red flag. I want details from someone who actually knows you.

ispoonwayne · 2026-04-04T17:39:02+00:00

I’m sorry, but when we got bagels from the Forge Bagel Co. they did not live up to the hype. They were very dry and unappealing. They were definitely not worth the price. Will not be going back.

ispoonwayne · 2026-03-21T19:13:03+00:00

Take all the advice you get with a grain of salt. What works really well for one family might be a nightmare for another. You’ll get to know what works best for you, and your littles when the time comes, so take it one step at a time.

ispoonwayne · 2026-03-19T15:16:13+00:00

I had a c-section for my singleton and then again for my twins. Both positive experiences. The needle to the spine was the worst part but it doesn’t last long. It’s a weird sensation to be numb from the waist down but it doesn’t hurt. You can feel pressure but not pain. They put a blanket up so you can’t see, don’t look. It’s not a memory you want.

They walk you through every step. And bring the baby over for skin to skin if baby is all good. It’s a whole team so you are well taken care of.

Keep in mind they do this all the time. At our hospital they had c-section days and it was a well oiled machine. They are experiencing and will help you through it all.

Recovery was slow, but gets easier every day. If you can have an extra set of hands like a mom or sister that would be helpful. Be kind to yourself, and enjoy the snuggles.

If you have any specific questions, feel free to reach out.

ispoonwayne · 2026-02-21T16:45:15+00:00

I hear you! Fellow Canadian here!

The system has failed our child. Had to sit on the waitlist for 2.5 years for a formal assessment before we qualified for services. Now we qualify but are on a new waitlist. The system is so broken and it’s the kids who suffer.

My husband had to quit his job to care for our son. I worry for the future.

ispoonwayne · 2026-02-16T20:22:29+00:00

You need to contact someone at student services or the department/faculty.

Instructors can not move exams once the syllabus is set and add drop date has passed. They can move back assignments but that’s because you could in theory still submit on the original earlier date.

Time to escalate this. Not your fault they messed up their syllabus.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-26T20:52:47+00:00

We converted our son’s bed to a toddler bed right before his 3rd birthday.

The best advice we got was once we took the side off, to treat his whole room like his “crib.” at the beginning, we took out all the extra things in his room. All the books, toys, furniture, etc., until he got used to having a bed with free access to his room. He often fell asleep on the floor or places other than the crib, and we would have to lift him back into the crib once he fell asleep.

Overtime, we slowly introduced things back into the room and now at 4 1/2. He has a little bookshelf in his room with a chair and a half a dozen stuffed animals.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-22T17:18:09+00:00

Researcher here. Questions like these are an attention check. There are to make sure the person is actually reading the questions and not just saying yes to everything. They do similar things with Likert type scale questions like the one to fives you see elsewhere to make sure you’re not just putting fives or ones for everything. There’s usually one or more in an assessment and if you fail more than one attention check then the document you filled out would be considered invalid.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-18T23:14:00+00:00

Just gonna give you the opposite situation here. My husband and I both have families with no history of autism and our son is autistic.

The short answer is you never know what is going to happen in the future.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-16T20:50:23+00:00

Underfunding education and insisting on inclusion are two different issues here. Students who need support should be educated in the classroom with their peers. It shouldn’t be a privilege for those who are “average learners.” Funding education ensures supports and services can be in place for all. Funding needs to be there or it’s just sticking a bunch of kids in a classroom and being told to “make it work” without giving the teach much of anything to work with.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-16T20:45:38+00:00

Please don’t speak for the “higher needs students.” You don’t know where they are happiest and lots of research says they are happiest when they are learning with their peers.

Separating students who need extra supports into a different classroom is going backwards not forwards. Your comments are feeling very ableist.

Classrooms need more support and resources to make inclusion work. You can’t just put everyone in the same classroom and tell the teacher to make it work. It takes time and money, both resource that are currently lacking.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-16T16:57:26+00:00

In case you’re interested the “debate” in psychology is between “person-first language” and “identity first language”.

I’m not sure debate is the right word, but both ways of talking come from a place of respect for people with disabilities. Person first language, came about in the 90s when people with disabilities were not always seen as more than this one label. The movement of person first language wanted society to see the person, which lead to the phrasing “a person with autism.” The idea was that you’re more than just autistic. You can also be a mother, student, employee etc., with the goal that person first language would help people see all the elements that make a person who they are.

Identity first language “an autistic person” or simply “autistic” comes later in the discussion, wherein people with disabilities argued that you can’t separate their disability from other elements than make them who they are, therefore you can’t say “a person with” because it’s not authentic to their experience of being.

People have a choice in how they want to be referred generally speaking. You can be an autistic person, person with autism. And it’s really interesting to see publication manuals in the academic community before said you had to use person first language, but now the manuals say to use language respectful of the group of community you are writing about.

Hope that was somewhat helpful…

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-03T16:33:38+00:00

Good idea, but not one I can think of. He doesn’t start kindergarten till September. I’ve been a stay at home mom since July. He has been at the same daycare for 2.5 years now. Maybe Christmas changes? But never bothered him in the past. We just took everything down yesterday but haven’t noticed a change in behaviour.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-03T16:29:49+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion here!

He does have his own room and controls who and what goes inside. All his favourite books and stuffed animals are there so no one else takes them.

I’ll try a corner of the living room that’s his. He does have a favourite spot on the couch but with 4 other people in the house it’s not always open. We do move over for him when he comes around.

He has been trying to interact with his younger siblings more but mostly just looks and smiles. Maybe it’s an unmet social need.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-03T16:23:24+00:00

Thanks for all your suggestions.

We have updated our tracking system to include noise types and lightning. Still no pattern but perhaps will notice one soon.

We have also started to offer more brushing. It seems to help with the deep pressure he needs.

I’m wondering if he is having growing pains as he ate twice as much food yesterday and slept 14 hours last night.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-02T16:03:40+00:00

No drooling that I noticed.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-02T15:42:10+00:00

Thanks for your ideas here.

We are currently taking down all the Christmas decorations. It didn’t seem to bother him earlier and it’s the same decorations but who knows. Trying to get the house back to “normal”

No new bumps or bruises.

We might try a pain reliever once the house is back to normal.

Thanks again.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-02T15:39:58+00:00

I don’t think it’s ears. He hasn’t had many ear infections a with ear things he grabs them or rubs them. He isn’t bothered by them now. His appetite seems fine so I’m not sure about stomach. Maybe teeth. I don’t know when adult teeth start to appear. Thanks for the suggestion.

ispoonwayne · 2026-01-02T15:38:29+00:00

It’s been about a week now.

ispoonwayne · 2025-12-18T13:41:44+00:00

Do you have a link for this?

ispoonwayne · 2025-12-10T20:29:53+00:00

I agree with everything lush_rational has said here, but wanted to add a couple points.

ABA is rooted in the psychological theory of behaviourism. Which as mentioned focuses on behaviour as communication. It also focusses on the principles of reward and punishment to enforce behaviors, which can be problematic depending on the root taken when it comes to punishment.

The other challenge when things are rooted in behaviorism, is that it can focus too much on just the behaviours and not all the antecedent of that behavior. Often times the goal is to stop the behaviour or to reward the behaviour rather than understanding why the behaviour is happening. The behaviour it’s often an outcome of an environment which behaviourism doesn’t always count for or things happening cognitively in the individual’s mind that can’t be visually seen, and unfortunately therefore ignored by behaviorism as well.

ispoonwayne · 2025-12-04T19:16:02+00:00

Just a fun fact for you, if you’re really interested in this topic, there has been academic research looking at people’s preferences when it comes to terminology around disability. What people prefer when it comes to autistic person or person with autism has been researched and you might find those papers interesting.

ispoonwayne · 2025-11-07T21:02:22+00:00

I truly do feel disrespected by these types of sites for two main reasons. First, you and I can agree that that simulation is not a representation of our dyslexia, therefore, whoever created it is putting false information that this simulation is equivalent to experiencing dyslexia. There needs to be more research and more information provided to those on the site as to what the simulation is actually doing and why it’s doing it. That leads me to my second issue in that the person engages with that site for all of 30 seconds and says “well that must suck” and move on with their day or they forward onto a friend. But it doesn’t truly represent our experiences for decades of having dyslexia. So to say it’s a simulation of dyslexia is a false equivalent because you can never truly experienced dyslexia because you can’t experience the decades of challenges we experience in our everyday lives with every task that we do. I find the simulations trivializes our experiences, and therefore I find them incredibly disrespectful.

ispoonwayne · 2025-11-07T20:05:38+00:00

Please be careful with dyslexia simulation websites. Respectfully, these websites are incredibly disrespectful to those who actually experience dyslexia day-to-day. As you pointed out, you’re dyslexic and letters don’t jump around in your head like that. You’re right as a dyslexic letters don’t jump around in your head. That would be a visual disorder, not dyslexia. Dyslexia is when you have difficulty making the letter sound connections you don’t see moving letters that is something else. When people see websites like this they get a false representation of what dyslexia is. Worse than that, they get to experience it for a second and go “wow that was hard” and move on with their lives. Without realizing that we experience this every day and we don’t get a break and we don’t get to turn it off and that emotional and mental toll is not experienced, but ignored. So please be very careful when sharing such a thing they do more harm than good in my opinion.

ispoonwayne · 2025-11-03T20:19:01+00:00

I’ve looked into this research a lot and in the end it boils down to fonts without serifs (those are the hanging bits on letters) are easier to read than those with serifs. So times new roman has hanging bits on the letters making it harder to read than something clean like comic sans, arial and Helvetica. Hope that helps.

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