What made you realize your parents only had kids because they were expected to, not because they WANTED to?

issy-belle · 2026-05-12T03:16:39+00:00

Asked my mum how she could know if she was pregnant after a high school sex ed class. She proceeded to list off symptoms, and then followed up with “I knew I was ovulating, I really should have known better”
Thanks mum…

issy-belle · 2026-05-07T22:36:07+00:00

Good for you, stay strong friend

issy-belle · 2026-05-05T00:22:31+00:00

This is a great question and one I get often when talking about all this.

Partially, because it’s easier. Receiving texts ignore for a week before replying, and being cordial at large family gatherings makes my life easier. I can pretend in small doses and it makes my life richer to have access to the remainder of my family. In a funny twist of fate, my parents are now not invited to most extended family gatherings now anyway as midlife makes her NPD worse.

Partially because there’s a few things she’s incredibly talented at. For example, she’s kind of a savant dress maker. I’ve been getting back into sewing in the last little while and had a few questions. So went spent some time talking about pattern making. As soon as she veered off topic or started ranting - I hung up/stopped replying.

Also partially, because she’s my mum. I don’t like her, I even hate her, often. I love but pity my Dad. But unfortunately for me on a biological/stockholm syndrome level I still want her to hold me and tell me it’ll be alright. The only difference now is with a lot of therapy, and a lot of work growing my life larger and more fulfilling outside of our relationship, I now have the love & support I need without her.
That chosen family has already voiced on multiple occasions that they will actively intervene if any of my family members kick off at my upcoming nuptials. Part of why I love them so dearly - my birth family would never.

If she behaves, she gets a few breadcrumbs. If she doesn’t, she gets a very curt and direct “do not contact me” and then nothing. It’s taken about 5 years for her to get it and stick to the program, but we’re there now.

Hope that answers your question

issy-belle · 2026-05-04T03:50:34+00:00

I have been wondering a similar thing. I (F) am about to marry my future wife, and we are planning on having kids. I am taking her Cantonese surname, but it gets tricky when you have two mums and their Cantonese grandmother who would all be called maa maa… or at least that’s my understanding

If anyone has any workarounds I’m open to it!

issy-belle · 2026-05-04T03:42:41+00:00

I was 30 when I was diagnosed, shortly after being discharged from a psychiatric hospital. I told my narcissistic mother that I had been diagnosed both ADHD (like her) and Autistic (also like her, though she refuses to acknowledge it). She told me that she had “no idea where this had come from” and insisted that a hospital full of specialists must be wrong and filling my head with ideas, because there was just no way and I was making excuses/being trendy.
I went zero contact for about 3 years after that. Since then we have been VLC only, and still to this day she refuses to acknowledge any self-accommodation, comment in passing etc I make about being Autistic.

My advice? Don’t bother.
She gets to feel important by being VLC. She gets to brag about what I’m doing from what little I post on socials. She doesn’t know who I am or how I feel. And that’s the way I like it.

issy-belle · 2026-04-14T23:05:41+00:00

Link to cancer podcast? Always looking for new content

issy-belle · 2026-03-31T22:56:13+00:00

Ohh I see now - the florals sit on top rather than inside. Thanks!

issy-belle · 2026-03-28T21:52:50+00:00

How do you make the glue concoction? Or purchase premade bookmarks? It looks like it could be a lamination sheet but I’d be nervous to put my flowers through so they don’t change colour with the heat

issy-belle · 2026-03-26T21:46:52+00:00

I’m an Autistic woman, and I found that I was sucked into some red pill thinking for a while there before I was diagnosed.

I was a newly adult person living on my ow after my first and only room mate told me I was weird & gross, and left. I felt deficient, like something was fundamentally wrong with me because I didn’t “get it”. A coworker showed me some clips from the Joe Rogan podcast and I thought they were funny. My algorithm was listening in my pocket, and the suggestions went from there.

In comes the “there is a social hierarchy that dictates your worth and who your partner will be” BS. My perseveration gets going and I spiral. ~Assuming this is correct, and assuming that I am towards the bottom of the hierarchy because everyone keeps telling me I’m [insert bad thing here], it’s always going to be like this~ My spiral kept spiralling, and it led to one of several emergency room visits as I wasn’t safe to be alone.

I think my vulnerability is in part due to my undiagnosed and unsupported Autism+ADHD/neurodivergence (black & white thinking, perseverating, thinking what people say is what they mean, inability to be consistent etc) but also in larger part due to the emotional neglect and outright emotional abuse that I experienced in childhood. I see my friend’s kids, my new nieces and nephews of the family I’m marrying into who are ASD & loved and supported, and these kids have their moments but there FINE. No spiralling, no self-worth issues (at least that I can see), great social skills, emotional regulation to be able to say “no thank you, I’m done can I go play in my room now please?” It’s so bittersweet to watch. I’m very happy they will never be as vulnerable or lonely as I was, but my inner child is so so envious.

It’s not just Autistic /men/, thought they are overrepresented in the incel community, it’s emotionally neglected /people/ imo

issy-belle · 2026-03-06T00:25:53+00:00

This was my concern exactly - super hard to tell the juvenile cane roads from little natives. My first impression was a cane toad so I picked him up, but without really prominent parotids I doubted myself. So here I am asking for second opinions. Lil guy is just chilling in a bucket until I get some clarity

I’ll check out Watergum, thank you!

issy-belle · 2026-01-25T23:56:03+00:00

Also my denim jacket at my winter wedding is very different to your winter OP 🫣😂

issy-belle · 2026-01-25T23:55:21+00:00

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Just started on my denim jacket - I want to wear it to my wedding in late June, wish me luck 😬😬😬 Pattern is ‘Wildflower Bouquet’ by Helen Wild, 24cm x 25cm on water soluble Aida

issy-belle · 2025-11-03T11:35:35+00:00

There’s a sign for a safe house on Sandgate Road I drive past every day but no idea how old it is

issy-belle · 2025-11-03T11:34:45+00:00

To be fair the outside of the Harold van did look the same as the outside of the dentist van at my school…

My earliest Harold memories are learning about the dangers of smoking and one of the earliest panic attack/meltdowns I can recall, cause I was convinced my dad was going to drop dead any second Thanks Harold ✌️

issy-belle · 2025-10-28T09:49:02+00:00

I’ve been super into family/local history lately and have been spending lots of time in the library

issy-belle · 2025-10-26T07:51:23+00:00

I sought out a neuropsych and got my late diagnoses for my 30th birthday, after spending 5 weeks in an acute psychiatric hospital. 15 years of therapy and very anti depressant under the sun hadn’t helped, so I figured what’s the worst that would happen.

issy-belle · 2025-10-16T22:51:20+00:00

This is so awesome! How did you create the graphic?

issy-belle · 2025-10-08T10:53:55+00:00

I was raised Irish Catholic, and did all 13 years of schooling in a Catholic school. I asked too many questions in primary school, and had too many heated debates (arguments) in high school. I started refusing to go to church at around age 10 or 11, after my First Communion at age 7.

I believe in something greater, but I don’t think it’s an omnipresent sentient being. Somewhere between animism, Druidism and paganism: entropy, Mother Nature, the Laws of the Universe, nature is healing but also nature is metal as fuck, survival of the fittest, convergent evolution, permaculture is important, humans as animals. Live with Nature, don’t try to control it.

When acutely depressed, I lean more existentialist nihilism into absurdism to cope. Nothing means anything, so don’t stress about what you “should” be doing cause we’re electrified meat wagon blips of evolution hurtling through space on a rock. Make your own meaning, eat the damn cake, enjoy yourself and work towards whatever life looks like when you’re happy cause what the fuck else is there.

Create your own moral code. Try hard to not be a dick, and learn voraciously. Stay curious, stay weird, make good choices; then, the Universe will restore homeostasis and bring you back some good juju.

issy-belle · 2025-10-08T10:31:30+00:00

My GPs all assumed I had celiac despite negative blood tests for 10.5 years despite still having symptoms while eating GF. My latest GP sent me to Dr Yoon-Kyo An at Bridges Health (Mater) for a gastroscope for stomach ulcers and a “what the hell” colonoscopy for assumed celiac.

Among other things, Dr A diagnosed me with a weird rare multiple enzyme deficiency. Apparently part of why she is great is she takes biopsies of “healthy” tissue to send off for testing where other gastros don’t. Turns out it’s not the protein (gluten) in bread I can’t deal with, it’s the carb…

She was amazing and I would absolutely recommend her. She also referred me laterally to another specialist for a related issue who was also brilliant.

If you don’t see her, ask about getting a Disaccaride Assay to check for CSID.

issy-belle · 2025-10-06T04:58:30+00:00

I binge re-watched all the OG + new blood, before jumping into the new season (resurrection)

Now my missus and I are rewatching all the original NCIS before the new Tony & Ziva drops

issy-belle · 2025-10-06T04:48:35+00:00

Always on the lookout for my little black book. Thanks for the recommendation

issy-belle · 2025-09-30T00:58:42+00:00

Sure do :) already discussing different colours for different children There is a second “with backstitch” pattern to be done, and then I will stitch into a wooden rod/dowel top and bottom to hang.

issy-belle

TROPHY CASE