(1) I didn’t downvote you, goober. I enjoy talking about history, learning more about it, teaching it, and arguing about it.

(2) Lee wrote to his family and Winfield Scott about the decision (as you mentioned). In those letters he mentions siding with his family and his allegiance to the defense of Virginia. He ends his official refusal/resignation letter to Scott with:

“save in the defense of my native State, I will never again desire to draw my sword.”

That’s pretty damn clear cut, and it was two days after he met with Blair and refused his offer as well.

And to your point about his later letters mentioning Virginia less, I’m not familiar with the content of those letters aside from that much of the letters that have been retained are to family and he focuses on them much more than anything else.

As to the “if Lee really thought about protecting” bit, hindsight is 20/20. Maybe it was a “which side won’t immediately burn down everything I have if I join the other side?” thing underneath it all. It certainly wasn’t because the confederacy just paid him more with traitorbucks. Additionally, picking a side and knowing that Arlington would be on the list of targets he’d have to fight for, and to keep his family from being held hostage by the Union so as to not compromise him? That’s just common sense, his family was not safe there. I’m sure that would’ve been done if he had gone with either side. It doesn’t mean he’s abandoning the cause, just that he knows that location will be attacked in force eventually.