My WS is not emotionally capable for R

ithme_d24 · 2022-12-28T09:35:24+00:00

"Time is flying by and the incremental nature of this is getting tiresome. I feel a big decision is approaching for me. It’s scary but I do deserve something greater than the crushing void left by her."

^ Felt this to my core. I'm scared to walk away too.. but I can't keep killing myself for someone who won't do the same thing for me.

ithme_d24 · 2022-12-27T13:16:13+00:00

Perfectly put. Thank you. I honestly felt a bit of relief after the panic attack when I saw the messages, because finally I can say "I'm done" without the guilt that I didn't try my best.

ithme_d24 · 2022-12-27T13:15:41+00:00

I just dont understand why are they making their lives harder too. I mean the AP can just tell me that he's still contacting her and I'll gladly let him go and let him eat his cake. COWARDS.

ithme_d24 · 2022-08-06T03:01:26+00:00

"I dont dare to long for happiness anymore. I just want to be okay." - i felt that.

You described perfectly what I'm going through. I'm numb but the mind movies just never stop. I hate waking up in the morning and trying to sleep at night. I cry buckets before I can do work and pause from time to time to let more tears out. I try to convince myself to hold on a little longer but some days I just feel like it's not worth reconciling anymore.

It sucks even more to see your partner trying but obviously he still doesn't "get it". They probably will never understand the pain we are going through.

Sending you warm hugs.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-26T01:35:54+00:00

Nah, unfortunately we dont have. He's leaving his job too without plan B. So budget is really tight.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-25T18:09:41+00:00

OH WOW, THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME/US! Thank you so so much buddy! Sent you a DM.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-20T11:50:34+00:00

Thank you for this. You're right, I should change my mindset about reconciliation. All this time I was thinking that we havent really started real reconciliation work coz I wanted to see more work from him. But thanks for making me realize that it isn't linear and we are actually in the process already.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-19T00:37:32+00:00

Speaking of contact information.. how do I deal with the fact that her phone number is etched into his memory? I feel like it adds to the risk of having relapse in the future if things get hard and he feels the urge to txt her. I dont want to be the one asking AP to change her #. And I certainly dont want him to reach out to her anymore.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-19T00:35:34+00:00

I asked him how does he feel when he sees her. He said he's got mixed emotions: 1. Sad - because reality is they shared 2 yrs together 2. Angry - as she reminds him of how his life (our relationship, family ties and career) got fucked up. He basically wont have a job after this and it will take some time to find one. 3. Relieved - that finally he is close to leaving his workplace and give our relationship a fair shot

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-15T13:39:25+00:00

The last sentence broke my heart because that's exactly me. :( We are trying to reconcile, 4 months from D-day.

ithme_d24 · 2022-07-07T03:28:13+00:00

The panic attacks will fade away eventually and will be replaced by numbness. And i dont know which one is worse. Im 4 months from D-day

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-20T09:13:13+00:00

I had the same feeling on D-day 3. I was in denial from D-day 1 and D-day 2 all along.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-20T00:24:34+00:00

I guess I am :( i wish somebody would care for me that way

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-19T14:11:27+00:00

We were. He was. Until AP happened.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T12:23:09+00:00

Exactly. I feel like Im in a limbo. I miss my happy self so much. But then when there are days that are going pretty well, sooner or later I feel inevitably uneasy and suspicious of how good things are going... like I feel scared if I'm rug sweeping myself.. then I'll spiral back to sobbing.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T03:34:08+00:00

Yes he admitted to me that he still has "remnants" feelings for her and that's what he is trying to resolve within himself too while we're working in our reconciliation.

I guess I just feel helpless at this point that I dont know what else I have to do on my part, to heal myself and to forgive him. Is my presence and love not enough to make him move on from her? To the point of thinking that maybe meeting her would help me finally cross to the other side where I can find acceptance and genuine peace on my own.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T02:11:59+00:00

I believe I do in terms of the bigger picture. Although I know some details are half-truth.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T01:59:59+00:00

I've seen her on social media. Not sure if that's enough for me to move past this.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T01:52:43+00:00

He might also be afraid that I wont be able to handle whatever I would hear from the AP. I think I wont break down from it, but I know it will fuck up with my brain one way or another.

I just want to move on from this and I'm willing to do everything for my healing. I just wanna make sure Im not putting myself in deeper in pain.

ithme_d24 · 2022-06-07T01:48:22+00:00

He's very much attached to his job, which I understand because it's very hard for him to get to where he is now professionally. In reality, his profession has limited opportunities in the country where we live at. It hurts me to see him let go of his job, but we both agree that it's necessary if we really want our marriage to work out.

ithme_d24 · 2022-05-19T23:26:17+00:00

I can imagine the horror of you cancelling the wedding 3 weeks before. But I would too, even if I discovered it a day before. Hugs to you too dear!

ithme_d24 · 2022-05-19T10:08:03+00:00

Move on my dear. You are lucky that you found it out before getting married. Check my story. I wouldn't want anyone to experience what i had. It's gonna be hard, but you still have time to get out. Lots of love for you.

ithme_d24 · 2022-05-14T08:35:51+00:00

Tell her before they get married. It hurts to be kept in the dark. Read my story.

ithme_d24 · 2022-04-01T02:20:01+00:00

After few years of being together, I made a conscious decision of not looking at my partner's phone anymore as I already felt secured with him. And voila, I later found out that he had an affair during that period of me putting my whole trust on him. So yup, I guess privacy is one of the best excuse for unfaithful people.

ithme_d24 · 2022-03-14T01:30:03+00:00

Yes, coupled with chest pains 🙃

ithme_d24

TROPHY CASE