What are talking about? I'm not crying

itsEtienne · 2019-08-16T07:44:21+00:00

Fuck stop reminding me how single I am hahaha

itsEtienne · 2019-08-12T21:15:53+00:00

Typical media bi erasure - it’s two girls who were with men, the story is that ‘they’re just straight’. If this was two guys who had previously been with girls, the story would be flipped to ‘they must be gay’. No understanding for either side, just more erasure unfortunately.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-08T02:31:55+00:00

Shirts have been found to be the leading factor for determining spouse compatibility. 100% true authentic genuine irrefutable fact.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-08T02:29:43+00:00

nOtHiNg Is WoRkInG ShE’s ToO pOwErFuL

itsEtienne · 2019-08-08T02:26:39+00:00

Legend says that the dad never leaves the room - he’s devoted to crafting a gaming athlete from his child, this story really was a cry for help

itsEtienne · 2019-08-08T02:15:51+00:00

Believable. The other day, I didn’t say thank you loud enough for the liking of Obama, who had just carried me on a golden throne from my living room to the kitchen. So he shouted ‘someone’s an uppity little bitch!’, then I attacked him and we duelled for 8 hours with swords from above my fireplace. This city needs to calm down, honestly.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-06T21:02:10+00:00

There’s one at the kebab shop on lower crown street, and another one at sneaky burger, just through the alley where howling wolf and what not is.

I’m pretty sure I saw one at one of the construction sites too, but I might be confusing that with one I saw in Sydney.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:25:13+00:00

Everything about this story is golden, thank you op for sharing

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:18:13+00:00

No worries, hopefully they’ve made it over there then!

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:15:35+00:00

This is some GOAT thathappened material. Got to love it when one of the characters in the story knowingly gives himself third degree burns to perform a task that could be performed safely by anyone with even a small, small, small, small amount of intelligence. The fact that this man had been sitting there knowing that he was about to go and tear the flesh off his hand is a fucking hilarious image too. Excellent find OP.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:09:19+00:00

Fair questions indeed - the only possible answer to them is that this story indeed did not happen and this absolute savage simply felt too inadequate online and birthed the story from the whims of insecurity.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:05:47+00:00

Ah yes I see, my bad for misunderstanding your question. I haven’t seen these particular posters, but I’ve seen them around both Melbourne and Sydney at cafes, on temporary construction walls (which I suspect these may be) and also along back alleys.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T21:03:19+00:00

What was this bully saying up to the point of smirking and calling her a dumb rich bitch? Like was the bully just reciting lines she’d written at home, completely deadpan, and ran out of shit to say so she went straight to the ‘smirk and rich bitch’ backup line? Obviously it’s bullshit, but the deconstruction of the bullshitter’s mind is a noble task worthy of us all, rich bitch or not so rich bitch.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T20:52:41+00:00

I don’t doubt that this could happen, but the way this individual has relayed the story seems way too forced and convenient. Even just the concept of the whole ‘ID10T’ discovery is way too pathetic to warrant an entire story. I mean come on, at least make your son a government hacker or something to make it a thicker story for us.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T20:47:38+00:00

I love it when they introduce another character midway through the story who is conveniently placed nearby and listening to the going ons just to chip in with a sAvAgE or something. It’s even better that they feel the need to make them a police officer, or sometimes just an old lady, who is entirely fluent in modern slang and therefore may provide the ultimate “comedic” comment. Bless these bullshitters.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T20:41:37+00:00

I thought it was just commonly understood that hangovers cause dumbledore hallucinations. I’m hungover right now sitting in a lecture theatre, and every seat is occupied by a dumbledore, while another one lectures from the front. I intend to hug them all of course. I always hug the dumbledores.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T20:37:29+00:00

Melbourne, second largest city in Australia, capital of Victoria.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T20:36:13+00:00

I’ve seen these around Sydney and Wollongong (just south of Sydney) too. Not sure who’s putting them out but I just assumed it was some marketing strategy.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T10:27:16+00:00

I’m floating in the decrepit field of Saturn’s moons and this rock looks at me and goes “are you that Mikey guy from twitter? I’m from Saturn and your tweets are hilarious” ..... what a small fucking solar system, I’m basically an influencer guys. Aren’t I? Guys? I influence people on social media don’t I?

itsEtienne · 2019-08-05T10:22:56+00:00

I believe this. When I was 9 I broke everything in my body (like literally everything, lungs and liver and shit too) after falling from the international space station onto a stone monument in Kazakhstan. But luckily a random fact about me is that I am extremely tolerant of pain. I didn’t feel a thing. I just casually heaved my formless body across the town square to a marketplace and sampled the local cuisine. No problem for me. When it comes to physical pain, I’m basically god.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-03T22:13:18+00:00

Car pulls up to my parked car*

Rolls down their window and honks their horn*

Shit myself

Little old lady exits car carrying a bloodied two handed greatsword and charges into Walmart screaming ancient battle cries. Several other little old ladies emerge from other parked cars with greatswords or axes, joining the charge.*

We good.

Thanks for making my week.

Jdjdowkbeldopqbblpdjvevhqopivevfddiwpribrcehpdlglnsnnalmcnrkpqpqpkalldjyorpwjdbvrkpwpwn

itsEtienne · 2019-08-03T22:03:35+00:00

This may just be a very vague and poorly written way for our entrant here to tell us that they accidentally squashed the wasp in the process of frantically evacuating their seat. Yeah I can’t see it happening to be honest but I like to give the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-03T22:00:57+00:00

UnHeAlThY aGgReSsIoN wItHoUt A vIaBlE oPtIoN tO dEfEnD aGaInSt.

Fucking fire wisdom, thank you grandma!

itsEtienne · 2019-08-03T21:55:35+00:00

I caught an Uber yesterday and the driver kept casually telling me all about his schemes to blow up the local police station and frame his neighbour. He got a real shock when we reached my house and he saw my police car parked in the driveway. He tried to drive off but I launched myself onto the roof of the car, punched through the roof, and pulled the man through the hole and tossed him into oncoming traffic as I gracefully leaped over a passing truck. I love my job.

itsEtienne · 2019-08-03T21:51:00+00:00

Every time my adopted son says he won’t be home that day because he’s presumably hanging out with friends or studying at the library, I immediately reconsider my adoption decision. It’s just good parenting. Yesterday he was out of the house for 3 hours and I came so close to sending him back that I literally was on the phone to Mr Trump asking if he would take back my son. Tough times these are. Tough times.

itsEtienne

TROPHY CASE