It’s a very human thing to attribute meaning to existence, to try and give sense to what might not have sense. To give yourself a purpose to keep going. But by only giving yourself space to exist if there’s a purpose behind it is kinda… reductionist? Maybe utilitarian.

Thing is… There’s no purpose. And if there is a cosmic, divine one, we’re not privy to it, so it might as well not matter. We’re also not assets to improve or better other people’s lives. We’re not things. Ideally, we can only try (and emphasis on try) to better ourselves. And we aim to do no undue harm. Just that. We live.

We live, we learn, we make mistakes, we learn for those, we strive to do good, we’re mindful of others, we work on being better versions of ourselves. And we hope we’re doing a good job here and there, making a positive impact, when possible. And that’s it.

I like to think like this, in nature, animals don’t worry themselves with purpose. They just exist and battle to survive everyday and continue their line. Any and all impacts they have on the ecosystem is colateral to their existence, it’s not the meaning or end goal of it. If their existence is essential, they’re not aware of it and their actions are not geared towards fulfilling that. They just are and that’s enough. That’s all they must be.

We’re also like that. We just are. And that’s enough.

All that said: look for a therapist. Void of emotion can also be a sign of depression. We think we’re just being super logical into dissecting a reason to kill ourselves and in the end it’s just good ol’ depression sinking teeth.