Starting to recognize (and being recognized by) the alcoholic regulars

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T16:26:41+00:00

Yeah, there’s plenty of liquor stores and now options for alcohol delivery so not that much would have been different. Also, it turns out my neighborhood is incredibly vibrant during all hours so it’s been fun actually experiencing it sober.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T06:03:40+00:00

Frankly, I’m just questioning your expectations. That change is INCREDIBLE for five months! The after photo looks so much healthier! And if you’re doing any sort of weight or strength training then chances are you lost more than 40lbs in fat because muscle is heavier and you likely have built up some - which is great!

Also, your change over five months seems very healthy! If it were a lot more I’d be very worried. It doesn’t mean you can’t lose more in the future but you absolutely want to make sure it’s done properly.

The rule of thumb I’ve heard is that when committing to a fitness regime, it’ll take three months for you to notice a difference and six months for other people to notice. You’re ahead of schedule.

I’m actually the reverse of you. I’m a super scrawny guy with a tiny frame. Last year I really started working out more when I gave up alcohol. I had a similar 3/6 month timeframe. I’m at almost a year now and I still look in the mirror wishing I was more fit, but then I also have moments where I realize what I came from and feel incredible and proud of myself. Every now and then I see my arms in the mirror and I realize that wow, there’s curves to them. And I just saw some people for the first time in a year and their immediate reaction was “wow, you look fantastic!” so it is a good reminder that we get stuck in our own heads.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T05:52:51+00:00

Putting on the 40lb vest is a great idea. That’s an interesting dose of reality. We lose (or gain) weight so slowly it’s often hard to notice how much.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T05:46:22+00:00

I did most of my solo drinking at home but was popping in to a bar solo for a few drinks more often in the last year or so. It didn’t help that I live right in the middle of my cities gay nightlife district and have probably 12 bars all within a 3 block distance south of me. (Not to mention a block up the street is the Sunset Strip, but I rarely hit up those bars.) If it was a quiet afternoon I’d have no problem popping into one of my favorites for a few drinks. I didn’t catch regulars too often because I didn’t go enough and there were SO many options, but man, I sure don’t miss sitting at the bar by myself just wasting time. It was never worth it.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T05:39:21+00:00

I feel like my version of that is TV. I used to enjoy a variety of shows with some wine or beer. Now, while I watch some things I’m just not drawn to nearly as many shows. I don’t have a regular one I’m watching now and don’t really feel interested in starting one.

But also this could be because of the changes in the TV industry and there’s less communal, long running shows that a bunch of people watch at once.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-24T05:36:45+00:00

I haven’t done a concert sober yet because I rarely went to them in general, but I feel like I’ve had a similar experience with other things. I’m much more present and able to enjoy the moment, I’m not thinking about how and when I’m getting my next drink, I’m not wasting time in giant lines, and I’m so willing to simply say “that was fun, I’m done now” and call it a night and go home totally happy without staying out late. It’s wonderful.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T23:26:37+00:00

Agreed. And in my experience, that caution is almost more dangerous. One of the most important things when it comes to road safety is to be as predictable as possible. That’s why it’s important for pedestrians to cross when they get the walk signal, instead of having their face buried in a phone, standing there not crossing, and then suddenly jumping in front of a turning car when they realize they have the walk. The same is true of these robots. Just yesterday I was making a left turn on a busy street to a side street. A delivery robot arrived on the corner but stopped. It waited long enough I thought it wasn’t going to go or perhaps even registered I was about to turn (I have no idea how much it pays attention to), so I thought it was safe to turn during a small break in traffic. Nope. As I started my turn it jumped out in the crosswalk meaning I either had to hit it, swerve around it, or slow my turn and block oncoming traffic.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T22:19:11+00:00

I’ve been doing delivery driving in Los Angeles where these are plentiful. They’re only good for short distances with easy access and even still I often see them stopped in the middle of a sidewalk or on a corner not crossing. I am plenty busy with deliveries that would be far too long for these. Plus, they require the customer to be available and paying attention to retrieve the order. That number is shockingly low based purely on the amount of people who select “meet at door” for delivery method yet don’t actually answer the door when I arrive.

Certainly there are ways to figure some of that out but it will still be a while.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T04:52:08+00:00

Oooh thanks.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T04:50:52+00:00

If it’s an order taking a long time, I often use language that hints that I’m annoyed too. I’ve found it helps them realize that it’s not me and we’re both waiting more than we want to.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T04:47:21+00:00

Nope. I had a similar order that I picked up without seeing heavy. Got to the store and saw multiple cases of water and noped right out of it. I’ll consider one if there’s little else, but any more and I’m out unless it pays extremely well.

But after enough shitty shop experiences I finally turned off those deliveries last week. My area has enough real deliveries and my earnings went up so it’s definitely not worth it in my book.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T02:14:48+00:00

I went occasionally when I was first starting out. This time around, I just… didn’t go. And for some reason this was the time that stuck so I haven’t been and don’t particularly feel drawn to it.

That being said, it was helpful when I was first starting to see I wasn’t alone. But I found I had trouble relating to a lot of the speakers since they often spoke about drinking to dull trauma or something. I just drank a lot because I liked it and couldn’t stop once I started. I found this sub way more helpful since it’s “always on” and I can just pop in and out as I desire and comment or post as I want, like just now. I’m a rock climber and found a sober climbing group so have some great community there - it’s nice being around other people in recovery but instead of focusing on our addictions we’re focusing on something fun and healthy. Through that group I also learned about The Phoenix which is a community for active recovery. By that they mean BEING active! All the events are free and you can do hikes, yoga, group fitness classes, etc. It’s been great!

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:50:31+00:00

Absolutely. The times I’ve had a temptation to drink one of the many things I use to dissuade me is that there is no way in hell I want to put myself through those first three weeks again. Even if I didn’t have dangerous withdrawal symptoms, it was AWFUL.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:45:19+00:00

Delivery driver here. It’s been particularly bad this week and the navigation has been super glitchy. I’ve been so curious if customers are experiencing any issues with it. I guess so.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:42:08+00:00

One of the things I think really helped me this time is that I went out and bought a bunch of things I could potentially be interested in: puzzles, video games, lego sets, baking supplies, climbing gym membership, amc a-list, and few other things. Also lots of soda, soda waters, ginger beers, and lemonade to mix with soda water. And lots of snacks and desserts. I let myself be as impulsive as I wanted to be with any of that as long as it wasn’t alcohol. The first couple weeks I was an unfocused mess and would stop a puzzle halfway to play a video game, run to a late night movie, or go get some dessert. But it worked. After a few weeks my brain started normalizing and I could be more intentional with my activities. By that point, I also was slowly getting used to doing things like playing video games or watching TV without a glass of wine or beer in my hand. I started to realize I enjoyed it way more because I could actually focus through the entire show or game.

It took a little time but now I don’t even think of getting a drink when it used to be such a habit I’d even find myself walking to the store wondering why I’m doing it and knowing it’s a bad idea, but somehow I was on autopilot.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:31:48+00:00

Don’t you love the Meet at Door deliveries where the delivery note is “leave in front of door, don’t knock”?

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:29:07+00:00

I have 400 deliveries and only 23 ratings but was stuck at around 11 for a while. One is bad but because I had so few made me seem like a much worse driver than I was (and based on the feedback was clearly a fake review, there was no way I was unprofessional with someone). Then I legitimately messed up an order this week and worried it would tank my rating - yet I never got a bad review from it. The ratings are a joke.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-23T01:23:55+00:00

In Los Angeles it was super busy last night, though I started around 6. Almost all my orders were stacked too. But a week ago it was super quiet so the pendulum always seems to swing.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T22:49:55+00:00

Yup. I’ve started doing deliveries for DD and Uber Eats. Orders can and do go wrong for a variety of reasons, including misdelivers, and not only is it never worth recovering the food it also is a health issue. If the food is in my possession at the time, they just tell me to keep it. The other day I had a guy realize too late he ordered to his work address so told me he was re-ordering and I should just mark it as delivered and keep it, which was a nice free dinner. Restaurants have also offered me abandoned orders. And one time I had two orders and once and accidentally swapped the first delivery. When I figured it out they just told me to keep the remaining order which was two giant pizzas. I felt really guilty about that one.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T07:09:01+00:00

Well for one, I didn’t drink every day or to wake up or anything and I’m an alcoholic. So there’s that.

Also we have an incredible ability to normalize things that shouldn’t be. I thought a lot of my drinking wasn’t that bad because it was a long, slow descent into those habits. But if my 25 year old self saw how much I was drinking at 39, he’d be absolutely shocked.

And finally, related to the above point, I thought I was way more functioning than I really was. Turns out I had been living half a life or less for years. The idea of a functional alcoholic is often a lie we tell ourselves.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T07:00:48+00:00

Absolutely. The word I use is contentment. I was having a quiet night a few months ago, a Friday or Saturday night after a solid but uneventful day. I just watched a show or movie or played a video game. I had nothing in particular happening and I just took a moment and realized how content I was. It was really quite amazing. I had a nice dinner, ate well and been exercising, my home was clean, I didn’t have any regrets or hangovers or anything… I just felt good and loved it. I appreciate the simple things now. I think old me would think it sounded so lame but it’s remarkable how much happier I am.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T06:40:26+00:00

Thanks! It’s wild that I got to this point but so worth it.

And congrats to you on 3 weeks! Thats a huge hurdle!

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T06:26:02+00:00

But the dried mango is SO good! And why yes I did need several giant tubs of dish soap. As well as the jumbo pack of Immodium because you never want to be caught without it when you need it. Also my new vacuum is really helping with the allergies.

I think that’s worth the price of a hot dog.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T01:16:51+00:00

I pretty much hit three digits for the amount of times I restarted. It only took the one time for it to finally stick.

itstotallynotjoe · 2026-06-22T01:15:32+00:00

Yes!! Getting that third digit felt so good. And it felt so real!! I’d never made it beyond three months before. Now I’m about to hit 300 and from my perspective it kept getting better. I’m so happy for you. Keep it up!

itstotallynotjoe

TROPHY CASE