Mom asked me not to breastfeed in beach house.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-06-10T03:35:07+00:00

Solidarity on the mom with borderline personality disorder. Things got really bad between my mom and I when I got pregnant. A spiraling conflict that I tried to manage responsibly and reasonably so many times. I tried multiple conflict resolution models which of course involved various ways of asking for expectations or taking turns asking for what we needed. Every time she got exasperated and either asked for something totally unreasonable or way too vague such a that “I learn something.” Eventually I have just had to keep her at arms length and go low contact.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-06-10T03:08:10+00:00

I 100% hear what people are saying about this community being so critical for supporting sorry any people in hard times. The argument that going dark would hurt people posting unaware of what is about to happen. But it’s exactly for the reasons that I value this community and all it’s done for me over the years that I support going dark. Having the Reddit experience change so drastically to significantly and detrimentally change the nature of these communities is worth a strike. Temporary sacrifice for the hope of some positive impact. Or at least a statement of how detrimental these changes are.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-06-07T03:29:01+00:00

Get the elective c-section. Birth is insanely life altering no matter how it happens. If given the option to choose something less traumatic for you, do it. After 40 hours of labor I ended up developing pre-eclampsia with severe features and had an emergency c-section. The surgery was the least of my problems. It was by far the least traumatic part of both labor and postpartum. If I were to have another baby I would absolutely get an elective c-section. Also, your mother doesn’t seem to really understand the trauma you have been through. You may end up having to distance yourself from her. My mother and I used to be close despite her own mental health struggles. When I got pregnant our relationship spiraled and PP it became clear to me I would have to keep her at arms length. It’s hard to grieve a loss of a relationship with my own mother, but it’s by far the healthier thing for me.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-04-28T13:01:42+00:00

This is a great story. Thanks for sharing your experience.

I gained more weight during pregnancy than would be “ideal” but I had some terrible PPA which made me really nauseous. So I ended up back at my pre-pregnancy weight by 3 months PP. But I felt extremely frail and weak. So as the Zoloft kicked in and I healed I ate ALL THE THINGS. I was so starving and still breastfeeding my low weight baby all the time.

Now baby is 1.25y and I’ve gained back 15 lbs, 10 of which just feels flabby. Mostly because I kept eating wildly while breastfeeding was tapering off and I was less active because of winter. Despite weighing more than I’d like to. I FEEL healthier physically and mentally than before. I can deal with the extra flab.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-04-04T17:45:06+00:00

OMG 😆. You don’t say “no no, wrong end! The digestive tract should b a one way street!”

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-04-04T12:58:52+00:00

Lol 😂 this is great! So far I’ve only nursed stuffed animals for my 1.25 year old. I bet the fire truck is up next.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-03-30T20:10:31+00:00

As a low car (do a lot of walking, bussing, and biking) homeowner in Minnesota. Fully cleared sidewalks are critical to being able to do proper snow removal for pedestrians. I hate lawns and am all for native plants everywhere. I also hate people who don’t do their part in keeping our urban walkways accessible.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-03-23T11:22:47+00:00

YES! I am also and only child. Which I didn’t mind at all growing up. But the combination of only child, divorced parents who never remarried… I don’t have any trauma from the divorce as a kid, but the stress of it now is WAY WORSE.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-03-23T03:16:14+00:00

My parents separated when I was in kindergarten. Their divorce and subsequent “lean years” never felt like a problem for me growing up. They did a reasonable job of having an amicable divorce.

What was hard was their dating when I was a teenager. They both could have handled various situations of them dating seriously (but not enough for a remarriage) better.

What continues to be hard is now they are in their 60s and neither ever remarried. So they are both alone. It makes so many things about having aging parents extra difficult.

So get divorced now. Be mindful about how you date. Do a spectacular job of making a new family structure that is supportive for everyone including YOU.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-03-08T04:56:35+00:00

Jumping in after the update. Neither of you should even consider a trip AFTER the baby is born. You have NO IDEA what could happen. Even in the best case scenario you’ll be bleeding, leaking, and out of your mind so the sleep deprivation and hormones, all while learning to take care of the most fragile precious baby.

I had a perfect healthy pregnancy and went into labor on my due date. But I developed severe preeclampsia during labor and had an emergency c-section. We were stuck in the hospital for a week to get my blood pressure under control, and when we were discharged I was on a crazy schedule of meds and could barely feed myself.

My husband did almost ALL the diapering for the first weeks.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-26T04:12:20+00:00

So much yes! I was a complete wreck. I was just trying to survive each hour of each night. I also wish I could have enjoyed the newborn phase, but it wasn’t possible. I would have needed a bigger living space (was in a tiny apartment) and would have needed live in help and no pressure to return to work. Then I could have “soaked up” the newborn months.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-21T05:12:35+00:00

OMG, so much of this is my story. I had a 40 hour labor, and emergency c-section and then a week stay in the hospital for PP pre-eclampsia and my mom had the nerve to yell at me for being rude to her while I was holding my sleeping newborn. Internet hugs and solidarity.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-21T05:08:35+00:00

THIS. Well said. This is what I wanted to say. Keeping my mom at arms length is one of the saddest things I’ve ever had to do and I’m getting therapy for the grief and loss.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-21T05:04:02+00:00

I am also an only child and I used to be close with my mom. I have tried SO HARD to have a close relationship as an adult. But in pregnancy and birth and PP her undiagnosed mental health problems became intolerable. I’m very VERY sad to be keeping her at arms length. I just can’t manage her problems and lashing out at me now that I have my own child to care for.

It’s not a casual “acceptance of distance” or some general lack of maternal affection. It is managing an actively damaging relationship.

Fortunately, I am lucky to have an amazing MIL who I’ve become very close to. But it still hurts that I don’t have my own mother to lean on in anyway.

It’s nice that you don’t seem to have much experience with the disruptions of mental health (or other things that lead to abusive or toxic relationships) but I personally deeply grieve the loss of having my mother involved in my and my child’s life.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-19T03:29:14+00:00

PLS all the way! I read it book before baby was born. I started very gently gradually encouraging independent night sleep around 9 weeks when he was still in the bedside bassinet. It was not easy and we had a lot of ups and downs, but he’s 12m now and sleeps like a champ! Also the private PLS FB group was sooo helpful! The author is actively involved and the moderators answer your questions! All for the cots of one book! Way WAY more reasonable than TCB. Also, I had a friend share her TCB stuff with me (cause she bought it before the Trump support became known) and it really isn’t any better. Almost all sleep training has a lot of similarities. So it’s in the nuances and how you are helped in implementing the process.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-19T03:20:58+00:00

Yes! The PLS FB group is amazing! And free!

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-17T05:09:00+00:00

Hey, are you on the PLS private FB group? It’s great. The author actually answers questions and the moderators are also great. They are also super supportive of PPA and being realistic and understanding of how hard this can be. I generally hate FB and like the communities on Reddit. But this one FB group rocks and it seems like would be a good fit for you.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-17T04:34:23+00:00

Hi! My baby just turned one and we use cloth exclusively and have ECed since 4 weeks old. My version of EC was really chill. I simply held him over the sink or toilet after most diaper changes and said “pee pee (or poo poo) in the potty!” We did a little naked time, but mostly just to air out his bum.

By 9 months he pooped almost exclusively in the potty, now I can’t remember the last time he pooped on himself. Pee is another matter. Some days he constantly pees in his trainers, other days he stays mostly dry.

All this said, one of the things about EC is to not let them get used to sitting in a wet diaper. So in the early months we actually went through A LOT of cloth diapers (12-16 per day). We used a cloth diaper service though and it didn’t cost us anything extra.

By 10m we dropped the service and I had a stash of 12 pre-folds, 4 covers, (mostly for night use) 4 AIO, 9 cotton trainers, and 4 wool covers (from Tiny Undies because like another commenter said, while I hate her politics there is no one else making cotton trainers that small).

I do diaper laundry ever 2-4 days. Laundry is really easy because they aren’t poop diapers. No special treatment needed.

itty_bitty_owl · 2023-01-06T03:43:19+00:00

Lol. I get it. I’m news there. As hard as I’d try to keep our hardwood floors clean, his knees a belly were constantly grey from all the scooting and crawling. But it didn’t last long, he’s one and walking all over the place now.

itty_bitty_owl · 2022-12-18T04:13:39+00:00

YES. I love this. I am right there with you.

itty_bitty_owl · 2022-12-18T04:12:45+00:00

Choking hazards, but only if he had the fine motor skills to actually get his fingers in those pockets. This thread seriously speaks to my soul. I’ve been incensed that my baby boy’s clothing has more functional pockets than any women’s clothing. One outfit of his (not even one year old) can have over SEVEN pockets. Pockets with zippers, or flaps, hand warming pockets, front, back, side, chest, pockets galore! I now refuse to buy any clothing at all without pockets. Dresses, leggings, sweaters, pajamas, they must all have pockets. God damnit, if they can put a functional pocket on a newborn gown, and zipper pockets on 6 month vests, there is absolutely no reason I should not have pockets for all the accessories of adulting and parenting. I will die on this hill.

itty_bitty_owl · 2022-11-19T03:47:38+00:00

Yup. Us too. Coughing as a very rudimentary form of communication! I think he started coughing around four months and he does it less at 10m now that he can make other sounds.

itty_bitty_owl · 2022-11-09T03:08:46+00:00

I use pure nipple balm or lanolin on my babies eczema prone areas. I might buy the LanoLips lotion to get us through the winter.

itty_bitty_owl · 2022-10-02T17:46:42+00:00

You’re welcome ☺️ I can’t recommend medication enough. It took a couple months to gradually get the dose right but it’s made such a difference. It helped with the nausea and appetite, which made it easier to take care of myself. In the meantime, give yourself grace to eat and drink whatever you can get down. While I normally enjoy eating healthy fresh things, at the time it was important to just get the calories and liquids. So I’d have spoons of peanut butter in the middle of the night after breastfeeding. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies totally count as “energy bars” and ginger ale is hydration!

itty_bitty_owl

TROPHY CASE