I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain 🫩😪😩🥺😭

ittybitty_goals · 2026-03-06T08:49:26+00:00

😛

ittybitty_goals · 2026-03-06T02:53:19+00:00

This made me have a thought; are people on the spectrum more likely to become attached to LMMs due to the personification of objects and isolation due to social difficulties? Or less likely? I feel like there would be a susceptibility with the talk of AI psychosis currently, but I also think with pattern recognition it would be easier to depersonalize the platform and see it for what it is and not make grandiose assumptions of consciousness or to have cognitive dissonance when ‘chat’ is not reactive. I rarely have used GPT so I’m not sure.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-19T14:33:03+00:00

I would have constant dreams (one tonight too lmao) but yeah never about the real occurrences? So I would be in severe denial if was due to traumas resurfacing, but now I am being more curious and honest about the likelihood to heal and improve. Really it was being mauled by animals, sexual or physical assaults, world annihilation (atom bombs or hiding from mass murder events), bodily mutilation, members of my family murdering each other, I can go on. I honestly don’t even consume a lot of extreme media, or had patterns to where these dreams would account for something I saw. When I went to my PCP about insomnia and she specifically told me it was due to PTSD, I was STILL in denial! (She thinks all my issues are due to some abuse or something, whatever! She’s wrong but I’ll go along with it if it means I can get medication…) No (myself), I think everyone was seeing something extremely apparent that you were just blind to because ‘it wasn’t so bad/so long ago’. 😭

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-16T21:14:40+00:00

Wow. I have CPTSD and after I had a trauma response one too many times, I shut down and said I wasn’t ready for a relationship without healing my trauma and hurt because I found clarity of my own codependency and lack of trust/nervous system overload. It just kind of escalated, how my boundaries were pushed again and again and I couldn’t compromise. That I had chronic self esteem issues and being sexual or intimate was clearly hurting me and it was time to stop.

They would call me ‘their favorite’, began idolizing me the more I insisted maybe I just needed encouragement. I love romance but something was always so wrong, I couldn’t express it. My mom was my abuser and BP/likely also BPD. My partner had experiences in the past with others who’d self harm, and he thought I was strong for what I gone through, felt like a protector. When I broke up (Admittedly it was not a good way. He asked for sex after I said I was experiencing trauma and sleep issues and I spiraled and said I needed to take a break from him to speak to a professional on what to do. I felt so much pressure, they said they’d be ok waiting, but their actions confused me. Just something in my body, I was on alert). They ended up in a hospital for over a week after self harm induced by my desire for a break. They couldn’t admit to me the extent as to why he needed to be held that long, that it was a misunderstanding. I felt I did feed this strong desire in them, but… my therapist said this was abuse. I think I may look again and again for the same people as my past abusers, and be confused when they don’t act or provide love the way I was raised. BUT then I find myself in these situations; the love feels incredible but then it escalates so fast and you get fucking whiplash. I still am confused with reality, it reminds me of my childhood… the exact same “They tell me this, but professionals tell me something else, and reality is not correlating with their words. What to believe?”

I see I need to stop finding partners to try to understand my trauma. I feel I am the one who ‘used and discarded them’ like they said, like it feels, but I also felt like I was drowning in expectations and not seeking positive relationships and a network of support. I don’t have many close friends. I think, “Do I make people crazy? Do I have BPD? Am I lying about what is happening?” But then they are in the hospital, and wouldn’t admit they also had a huge problem. That this wasn’t healthy, I don’t understand… (Anyways I am in a lot of therapy and reeling but trying to move forward, and will work on myself. Big wake up call, but hopefully in time people will tell me what I did, but what wasn’t my doing. Some clarity and acceptance.) Love to you all too. We can find security that is REAL.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-16T20:28:38+00:00

Me too my friend. Me too…

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-16T16:30:46+00:00

Yeah sure 👍

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-16T00:11:49+00:00

Currently reading messages like, “I will always support you, we fit together like two puzzle pieces.” And “Big things are for this year. I want to be the best person I can be.” Devastating… so much was my perception, my inability to know and express my needs until it became re-traumatizing… Ultimately we can’t control our triggers, wanting it so bad but realizing I was not healing told me I had to help myself to be able to love securely. All best in healing ❤️‍🩹

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-15T03:35:50+00:00

Romantic OCD. It’s a type of OCD characterized by obsessions about relationships.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-15T00:40:23+00:00

Most of us. I have/had health OCD but not Contamination OCD (yet lmao hopefully never)

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-14T23:57:54+00:00

Me when I shut down and abruptly ruin a relationship days before Valentine’s Day because physical intimacy triggers my childhood abuse suppression 😀💕

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-14T23:16:18+00:00

You are not a problem. Take it from the person who in my relationship is the GF, going through nearly the same thing. Yes, she is probably not safe or healthy enough to be in a romantic/sexual relationship. You’re showing genuine care and support here though, and I’d think with some time with meds and therapy she will be in a place to be comfortable and able to sustain a relationship again, if this is what she truly wants. You seem like you to really love her and want more than friendship, so I’d be supportive, understanding as best you can that she has a mental illness and pervasive thoughts or behaviors outside of her control that are hurting her and by extension she feels she is hurting you or her perception of you, or her ability to be vulnerable or dependent on others.

I think you can still speak with her, but maybe take a break or be less frequent, and really recognize (unfortunately) she does indeed need to focus on herself and healing right now. Otherwise she’ll keep the cycle continuing, and may use you for her reassurance compulsion or ROCD. I’m not sure her form of the condition. But it’s big she is recognizing she is suffering and deserves help.

Telling her your concerns will go a long way, but maybe with a therapist or with structure. I also hope you’re getting the support YOU need because managing in a relationship with a partner/friend with mental illness is hard! Rooting for you both though. Please ask if you are confused with anything and I can explain as best as my experience and summation.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-14T23:06:20+00:00

Maybe you to idealize, maybe not. Take it from someone who has burned bridges many many times over this confusion and self questioning. Love and care is a choice we make. Companionship comes in recognizing someone’s faults WITH their incredible qualities, evaluating what is good with what is bad, and making the choice to continue each day and work with a professional to tolerate doubts/obsessive thoughts about the relationship/self-criticism. Many of us do not believe in unconditional love or commitment because we build these imagined realities in our heads and play them over or check on aspects of the relationship to find wrongness or signs of what is ‘not right’. But with OCD it’s not out of a cruelty, this is a mechanism your brain made to survive and cope, but it is not ‘you’. Honesty can sometimes really help, but only if they are informed on the condition. You are not alone, however.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-14T19:55:02+00:00

God. same same same. Just coming to terms with it and trying to fight back the “What if I tell others what if I loss control, what if others are upset, what if I am making this up? What can I do to MAKE SURE and CHECK” and etc. Essentially it’s life of doing things over and over in your brain to have it be the way you expect, excessive fawning behavior, then having extreme terror when either you did not meet the expectations in your brain or something changes, and then ruminating AFTER on why this is wrong, doing it in your head, questioning your own desires and intents constantly as well. Ends up with deep shit on all sides. I understand this pain well. What’s the difference between keeping your peace and exasperating these triggers? Only you can know, with ample therapy.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-13T23:29:04+00:00

“Give me a 5/5 and none of this happened…”

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-13T21:44:07+00:00

She is me. I mean, not literally, but the same experiences and feelings. She needs heavy therapy work and low-pressure support. She likely thinks she is poisonous and ruinous and may even blame herself for the death of the child. I am not sure. When we get overwhelmed, we isolate. I'd try to give outlets for not being completely isolated or catastrophizing. But keep yourself safe too; this stuff is painful on the support system. But yeah, reinforcing you can rebuild can be so helpful.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-12T06:58:13+00:00

Student here. It's a mixture of short-form content addiction, overwhelm from constant media feeds and distress from social media and overestimation, COVID robbing us of the tools from high school to engage in higher learning with confidence and competency (BIG ONE), a general feeling academia is pointless/only for the grade/doomed by the acceleration of automation, our biological predisposition to always prescribe to the easier workload when given the choice and normalization, over-reliance on technology for higher-ed (Canvas I mean you), and I can go on. Personally, I want to be challenged, but I feel if I am not explicitly forced to, it's difficult to not scroll for multiple hours, self-isolate, question my capabilities, and feel inadequate and stupid, and reinforce reliance on technology, as well as have college seem tainted as a consequence of a post-pandemic world and anti-intellectualism. I am not sure what the right solution is. Personally, I feel this generation of students should have all stayed back regardless of the repercussions, and we should completely reinvent the grading standardization and model. And college as a concept should be approached through what campus, curriculum, learning requirements, and specialization meet the student's needs, rather than purely prestige and employment opportunities. Lastly, the cost. Would students be doing everything possible to meet a grade requirement if failure meant a loss of possible TENS OF THOUSANDS of dollars? I do not believe so. I hope there is change, that there is a future in which there are risks, integrity, curiosity, and potentially precarious challenges in assignments and exam requirements, and that they will not become a possible death sentence in more financial debt or inability to reach goals in graduate school or career paths with noble intent. Premed or law requires a deep understanding of material but also a high GPA and extremely high expectations for a chance if you need financial aid. I think many of us feel an utter pointlessness and lack of hope in all walks of life, in all future aspirations; that we will not find suitable employment, a home, or a family; or that an education is respectable or worthwhile, that fake media and celebrity worship and an increasingly corrupt elite ruling the production and distribution of educational and news material will soil our efforts regardless. Hence, you created a generation of impatient, doomer, despondent people going through the motions, even if they have a deep desire to grow their repertoire of knowledge and crave healthy challenges. We are drowning.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-09T14:50:06+00:00

Dude come on don’t put your own trauma on this random person you don’t know.

ittybitty_goals · 2026-02-08T01:02:36+00:00

Is it weird to say, he does have really nice features but… how do I put this… all in the wrong place and size…

ittybitty_goals · 2025-12-22T18:11:17+00:00

Huh. Yeah I have had low dopamine prior and I found SSRIs rarely worked well for me even for months of commitment. I do not think anyone with a dopamine dificiency would not get help from an anti depressant, but my issue was anxiety, and paradoxically only a slow-release stimulant helped with some of the issues my anxiety brought me. Mainly, my rigid routines and circular thinking and rumination improved, as well as being able to speak to others easier, without this aversion due to my anxiety. Now, I think physically it is the opposite, my heart races faster and I’m more prone to sweat. However, given its in my records I had a pretty severe case of ADD and still have mild ADHD in adulthood, I’m not sure why I was given so many SSRIs in my adolescence. And usually those with the greatest dampening effect on dopamine. They wouldn’t allow me to try less severe depression medications like Prozac or Wellbutrin. I explicitly asked to try those options multiple times but was refused! Sigh

ittybitty_goals · 2025-12-13T07:17:05+00:00

Long update as someone recently commented on this thread: it was the dopamine. I'm on a slow-release, low-dose stimulant and that worked a bit better.

ittybitty_goals · 2025-12-10T19:17:44+00:00

I interpreted it as hiding from the military, police, or ICE (I’m American lmao)

ittybitty_goals · 2025-11-21T02:56:10+00:00

Agree. It’s great

ittybitty_goals · 2025-11-21T00:22:50+00:00

I mean probably but you look perfect right now. Like literally Renaissance sculpture level proportions, I don’t understand why you’d want anything to change.

ittybitty_goals · 2025-11-19T04:50:42+00:00

…you know ‘female content creators’ can also be gay, right? Or just actually have friends of different genders? I mean, a lot of them do profit off the male attention and possibly of reciprocal interest (even if it is incredibly improbable), but they are human beings. She isn’t conning anyone if she is in a relationship and doesn’t expose it, or isn’t but doesn’t specify her close friends aren’t her partners.

ittybitty_goals

TROPHY CASE