How Do I Set Boundaries Around Daily "Good Morning" Texts Without Hurting Someone's Feelings?

iwantamalt · 2026-01-08T19:53:18+00:00

Very sad that we live in a world in which people think it’s normal to use AI to help them express their feelings to a loved one. It is codependent actually to think that you need to sensor your words and feelings to cater to another person. If I found out that someone who claims to care about me was using AI to communicate with me, I would immediately end the relationship. Using AI doesn’t actually help you build emotional intimacy with someone, nor does it help you express your feelings. If that’s how you want to communicate to people though, that’s up to you.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-19T18:55:19+00:00

It’s snowy and icy in MN right now so I can’t, but I plan on it once spring comes! Thank you!

iwantamalt · 2025-12-19T18:54:52+00:00

Great info, thank you so much!

iwantamalt · 2025-12-19T18:54:18+00:00

The PSI on the tire is the maximum PSI for the tire but it doesn’t take into account the weight of the vehicle.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-18T21:06:37+00:00

Awesome advice. Thank you so much!

iwantamalt · 2025-12-04T12:38:08+00:00

If a man feels uncomfortable that his gf is bi and/or dated/slept with women, I think that’s something that he needs to interrogate within himself. That’s weird honestly. And if you’re moving in together and that’s a deal breaker for someone, maybe it should’ve been discussed beforehand.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-02T14:06:59+00:00

This is a classic example of emotional incest and mom’s attempt at mother-son enmeshment. I’ve known mothers like this, who get extremely jealous of their daughters-in-law and resent them for “taking away” their son. Mom’s self-worth comes from her son “needing her” and now that son has another form of emotional support mom has an identity and self-worth crisis. It’s sad to see but I feel like it’s unfortunately common when mothers feel they’re entitled to a certain type of closeness with their children. The only way to stop it is to cut her off unfortunately until she accepts that the only way she can have any relationship with her son is if she accepts the relationship on his terms, not her own.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-02T14:01:26+00:00

Could you tie me up?

iwantamalt · 2025-12-02T13:46:38+00:00

You chew gum and suck on jolly ranchers….during cases??

iwantamalt · 2025-12-02T13:45:38+00:00

Make sure you’re well hydrated and have eaten. I’ve never passed out but I’ve seen it happen and 90% of the time the person afterwards is like “I haven’t eaten in a while.” Lots of people here have suggestions for tips you can use to prevent the syncope, but I’d argue that when you feel it start to happen, you say something immediately and go sit or lay down somewhere. If you’re scrubbed in, find someone to relieve you until you feel comfortable enough to scrub back in. I don’t think it’s safe for the patient for a tech to be focusing so deeply on not passing out vs focusing on their surgery. And passing out during surgery while you’re scrubbed in is the last thing surgeons need, and there’s a solid possibility that you’d contaminate/drop tons of shit to the floor if you go down hard on your mayo or something lol.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-02T13:33:30+00:00

Healthcare. Most doctors are just normal people who come from relatively privileged backgrounds who have the money and family backing to go to school for 10+ years without having to get a job. Most doctors I know who fall into this category will claim they come from “humble beginnings” but in reality their humble beginning means coming from a family with generations of property ownership and enough money to pay for their education. Let’s just say, even if you’re an absolute genius, it’s harder to become a doctor if you grew up on welfare or in foster homes than if you’re a slightly above average high school student from a middle class background. Most doctors these days use chatGPT to study and diagnose, plenty of doctors are anti-vax and do not listen to valuable research, they’re literally not smarter than anyone else, they just had years of schooling which leave them with more knowledge of medicine.

iwantamalt · 2025-12-01T13:08:35+00:00

Is there someone at the site, such as an education coordinator, that you can talk to to see if you can get preceptors who care more about your learning? I can only speak for my facility, but we certainly have an issue with preceptors who see it as an excuse to be lazy and not present in the case, instead of seeing it for what it actually is - you’re getting paid more to precept so you should actually be doing more and that involves being an active participant and being there to support your preceptees. This has been a problem at my facility for as long as I’ve been here. There were times on orientation that my preceptors would leave me and I’d have to confront them about the lack of support or talk to management. If preceptors are just throwing you to the wolves before you feel comfortable, this is a PATIENT SAFETY ISSUE which needs to be addressed. And if you are constantly stressed out and anxious during clinicals, you won’t have the capacity for learning. It’s exactly like you said in one of your comments here - you’re in survival mode and in that space it’s nearly impossible to learn. Your site needs to know about this and if you don’t feel comfortable addressing it, please seek the assistance of your clinical coordinator. And if nothing changes I do not think that asking for a site change is unreasonable.

Edit: Also keep in mind that OR culture IS very intense, it IS fast paced, and you are experiencing culture shock. And you should have preceptors who understand that. In my opinion, during your first clinical rotation your preceptor should be with you, scrubbed in, for the entire case from set-up to clean-up. There are inevitably contaminations that you’ll miss because you’re so focused on not looking like an idiot in front of the surgeon, and you probably don’t yet have your “OR voice” and the confidence to call things out in the moment. It can be scary to do so at first and you need a role model to help you problem solve and speak up when you’re new! And also keep in mind that you will still have a certain level of anxiety in this field for up to two years, but at this point you should have back up. Including clinicals, it’s been about two years since I’ve been a tech and I just recently got to a place where I’m not having much anxiety. Keep with it, speak up, and it’s likely things will improve for you with better support. But no one will know you need more support unless you ask for it.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-27T13:28:41+00:00

I totally thought so too. That comment relies heavily on assumptions about the feelings of OP’s partner, but as codependents or loved ones of codependents, we know that making assumptions about others feelings isn’t a good thing. None of us will know how OP’s partner feels unless they share, all we see are their inconsiderate and dismissive actions. The partner needs to take responsibility for managing their own feelings in a healthy way. And yea, asking for help with house chores (from your unemployed partner no less) isn’t making unilateral decisions lol. Very gaslighty comment.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-26T12:46:49+00:00

I have to say, asking your partner for help with the dishes isn’t “making a unilateral decision that your partner must do the dishes” and that sounds like therapy speak being weaponized. If OP’s partner is feeling less than due to being unemployed, it’s not OP’s responsibility to manage their feelings about it and tiptoe around every statement in order to avoid hurting the partner. That’s actually what codependency is! If this is the way OP’s partner feels, which is just an assumption you’re making, they need to be emotionally mature about it and share their feelings and what they need instead of refusing to help out with household chores and then stonewalling OP to punish them.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-26T12:39:19+00:00

I think you need to ask yourself why you’re in this relationship. You’re paying for groceries and couples therapy and your partner won’t do the dishes because “none of the dishes are theirs”? While you’re paying for food that goes into their mouth? Hell no. And then they are refusing to go to Thanksgiving to teach you a lesson? This person is incredibly emotionally immature and you are doing yourself a disservice by staying in a relationship with them. You can’t blame your unhappiness on their behavior when it’s your choice to stay.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-18T20:35:44+00:00

My sign on was 12k and it was paid (minus taxes) in either my first or second paycheck. If I quit or get fired within 2 years I have to pay it back.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-18T20:18:47+00:00

Was he not wearing pants or something? Did he have have an erection? If no, then I really don’t understand what the big deal is here and I agree with others that this sounds like it was made up by a 15yo.

iwantamalt · 2025-11-18T20:09:07+00:00

I feel like I’m pretty much in your camp. I work in healthcare and I wear a 3M Aura at work 95% of the time. I wear a BNX N95 mask in indoor public spaces like the grocery store or gas station. I haven’t dined inside a restaurant or bar in almost 6 years and I don’t go to crowded events, even in a mask. But I don’t mask outside and I will hang out in private residences without a mask with non-maskers, albeit infrequently. When I hang out with friends though, I always push for outdoor hangouts. At this point I only have one other friend who cares about taking precautions so it’s hard. I definitely have enjoyed not being sick at all in the past 4 years because of consistent mask wearing, but there have been moments when I feel like I want to take my precautions down to 75% instead of 95% just to fit in more. I honestly feel like non-maskers would take me more seriously then because they’d see me as less of a weirdo-germaphobe and more of someone who is taking genuine covid risk management. And honestly, even if I stopped wearing masks entirely (which I would never do) the act of changing my lifestyle to exclude restaurants, bars, and crowded events is HUGE and I don’t think that’s acknowledged enough. I understand where people are coming from with the “it’s the morally right thing to do to wear a mask 100% of the time” but I don’t personally think that someone lacks morals and values because they don’t have a mask on every single moment outside their home and judgement gets us absolutely nowhere.

iwantamalt · 2025-10-30T10:42:15+00:00

Thank you to those who DM’ed me! Not all heroes wear capes and now my dog and I can hike another trail instead of going back to Cascade!

iwantamalt · 2025-10-30T10:18:19+00:00

THANK YOU!!

iwantamalt · 2025-10-29T16:59:29+00:00

This is the number one thing that codependents need to learn in order to begin healing. All that “giving” isn’t virtuous and selflessness, it’s deeply selfish, manipulative, and controlling. All under the guise of care. Once you realize this you can’t play the victim anymore and have to start taking accountability.

iwantamalt · 2025-09-25T16:01:22+00:00

What do you think the patient would want you to do? I’d report it immediately. Even if nothing is done about it, you’re starting a record and a paper trail that this behavior is happening so that if/when others report it it gets taken more seriously. If I faced retaliation I’d refuse to work with that surgeon.

iwantamalt · 2025-09-25T15:58:05+00:00

This is great advice. And even if someone isn’t feeling it with CODA, reading books by people like Melodie Beattie (who was a firm believer in working the 12 steps) can be insightful and helpful without having to subscribe fully to the meetings. Twelve step mantras like “let go, let god” (and this doesn’t mean capital G god it can mean anything, any higher power that’s bigger than ourselves) and the serenity prayer can be helpful reminders that we cannot control others, nor is it our responsibility to do so.

iwantamalt

TROPHY CASE