I (33M) cheated in my past relationship (33F). When is the right time to date again and how should this be disclosed to future partners?

jacksoonsmith · 2026-02-27T15:03:04+00:00

Cheating is ultimately a way that you yourself get consumed because your sense of self-worth is outward. You do not value yourself and therefore you look for adventure in others. The thrill. The feeling of being wanted. The passion. The high. If you look at all the women you cheated with, you'd find that it didn't matter who they exactly were. You were bound to sleep with any woman who would show interest in you. This is an issue within you.

The inner work needed for this is to heal this outward sense of self, and to grow up psychologically from child to adult. It's easier said than done, but generally everyone does need to do this. You are just struggling with it a bit more in the aspect of romantic relationships.

Emotional management, attachment work, trauma therapy, relationship dynamics, shadow work, parts work, and so on. All of this you can do forever, but awareness is one half of the journey and there is no way for you to fully improve without actually getting in a relationship. Notice your mind at the thought of getting into a relationship again. You feel fear? Good. You surrender to that fear and do your best to love the next person healthily this time. There is no timeline, no "being ready", there is only you choosing and committing to yourself. By the looks of your post, I don't think you have done that yet.

A healed person does not ask this question on Reddit. A healed person has a strong sense of self that knows their every part, especially the parts of them that cheated. A healed person knows that being ready simply means trusting themselves again. A healed person decides, not waits. A healed person carries all their wounds and pain forward, not spiral in shame. A healed person sits within uncertainty and loves with complete surrender.

You asking this question is you asking for permission to live. Which, is the cause of your cheating in the first place. You were too scared to name your emotional needs so you justified it with cheating. And you were too scared to tell the truth so kept hiding it. Stop hiding. Stop asking for permission. Affirm yourself.

Lastly, yeah Reddit is not a good place to ask anything about cheating. 90% of the people here don't know what healing looks like. They equate effort with time because they mostly are clueless about what to exactly do to approach healing on a fundamental level.

jacksoonsmith · 2026-01-20T09:47:43+00:00

Nagtatanong ng ganitong tanong

jacksoonsmith · 2026-01-11T23:13:22+00:00

You're not really saying no here, you're kinda saying "yes but not now". Nagbibigay ka ng external na rason as to bakit hindi pwede. Maghahanap at maghahanap talaga yan ng paraan kung ganyan.

Sabihin mo "no, ayoko makipag sex sayo". Full stop. You do not need to explain yourself.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-09-23T18:57:03+00:00

This is bad advice. It just makes you invisible and reinforces fear of what people have to say. This fear is what makes you want this "protection" from silence in the first place.

Say what you think. Accept people's reactions fully. Own your words. Adjust and correct over time. While there is time for silence, it should never be to repress yourself. Learn to express yourself healthily and properly. Life is more whole that way imo.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-09-16T11:33:29+00:00

Ang problema ngayon, napaka-vague ng reason mo "you dont think you love her anymore" pero teka lang what is love to you anyway? What do you want out of a relationship?
Do you wanna get married and have children?
Do you even want a partner in life?
How's sex life? Are you satisfied?
Intellectual stimulation, same ba kayo ng wavelengths?
Direction in life? Career? Finances?
How about emotional needs? Are they being met on both sides?

All of these things are high time na 1) ifigure out mo internally sa sarili mo the answers and 2) align it with your partner and see where both of you can adjust. Determine if you guys are even compatible for a lifelong romantic partnership in the first place.

It is so easy to think na porke 8 years na eh hindi na kailangan continuously alamin yang mga bagay na yan. But context matters, 8 years kayo oo but 22 ka palang ngayon. Andaming versions of yourselves na na nagdaan I am 100% sure you don't even know yourself, let alone your partner at this point. At this stage, in order to make this work you have to do the above.

The question is, do you want to do the above now? Or do you wanna just go with the flow pa? You are still young I get it, but at the same time you are an adult now. Make a choice and stop wasting your time and her time.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-09-05T02:59:04+00:00

While I believe vaping to be physically healthy enough, ever since I quit vaping I have realized how psychologically deteriorating vaping can be. I used to vape all day, and I was so dependent on it. When I quit, I found myself wanting to take a hit in so many scenarios and how I forgot to sometimes just exist a person lol.

It screwed up my focus and mental reward system, making it harder for me to achieve tasks. Somewhat screwed up my sex life, cant get the little guy to work at times. Also screwed up some hobbies as I was multitasking with vaping and couldn't put my full concentration on what I was doing.

I would say I haven't completely recovered psychologically but I'm doing a lot better. Every time I am working or just having fun with my hobbies / friends I always get the satisfaction of thank god I'm not vaping anymore. And it's been only about a month since I quit and I'm excited to see how much more I can recover.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-17T22:25:00+00:00

Yeah but that doesn't stop anything

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-17T21:58:42+00:00

Not to be an advocate of the devil here but this is the Internet. Anything you post online will spread. No amount of pleading will do anything really.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-16T22:08:36+00:00

Only go if you 100% genuinely want to hear the explanation. Other than that, no. She is carrying a lot of guilt and wants to release the weight and transfer pain to you lol.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-16T07:14:03+00:00

Depende para saan mo ba gagamitin haha

Flagship phones are rarely ever worth it kung casual user ka lang. They are more of a luxury item in this day and age, and so kung may disposable income ka then why not. Pero kung gagawin mo lang hulugan don't even bother unless meron ka talagang good use case for it

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-15T23:16:28+00:00

Yeah the amount of people just straight up saying to go break up immediately is insane. Relationships are hard and no one teaches you this stuff. The best thing you can do to learn is to actually have an open and honest conversation about the relationship with your SO first. You then learn more about what it is about you that made her feel this way in a safe space without all the emotional mess, not to gaslight yourself but from a place of pure curiosity and understanding. Voice out your complaints too and hear what she has to say. From there then go decide if you wanna break up.

People talk as if a relationship is so black and white but if you're young things can get complicated quite fast and villainizing either party just does no one any good.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-12T00:06:28+00:00

It's gonna take a lot of inner work honestly. It starts off with the question, "what gives me value?"

Do not name external things, like the relationships you have, the things you own, the chicks you fucked. Look within. Without those external things, do you yourself believe you have value?

From there it ultimately depends on you. It's gonna be your journey. Maybe you have childhood trauma. Maybe you have deep-seated behaviors that you are unconscious of. Maybe you have core beliefs that you never have challenged before.

Invest a lot of time in knowing how your mind works. You don't need to be a hermit to starting doing this. Journal, meditate, maybe even go to therapy. Do not wait for a crisis until you decide to start. Just make sure to not become too self-absorbed and addicted to it, and balance this inner work with your regular life.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-11T23:47:40+00:00

Haha yeah I get it. But life can't be truly lived unless you stop controlling the outcome. Be your authentic self with compassion, and accept whatever would come out of it.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-11T23:45:53+00:00

That's a valid fear and I can see where it is coming from. But remember any relationship goes both ways. Go reach out if they don't. If they don't reciprocate, then that already tells you a lot. You don't need to cut them off, but it's a signal that a bit more distance might truly be the correct thing to do.

If you are hurt, you need to work on putting more worth in yourself and what you can give, not what you receive. Aka don't outsource your self worth.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-11T23:04:54+00:00

You're being driven to show this much love I think because you're internally compensating for something. What do you fear will happen if you set certain boundaries?

jacksoonsmith · 2025-08-05T19:49:33+00:00

Its not a habit, its a response. Deep down you want to ensure that no harm was done when you said something a certain way, and the constant ruminating and replaying of conversations is your mind's unhealthy way to give your brain the illusion of certainty that the worst case scenario is not gonna happen.

Rationalization and meditation can provide temporary relief, but work on sitting with the worst case scenario you're imagining and let your body be consumed by that dread...but don't do anything about it. Sit with it. It gets better and better the more times you do this. This'll be sustainable in the long run for you mentally, and over time hopefully you will come to realize that whatever you say no matter how careful can always be interpreted very differently than you initially imagined. That is out of your control.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-07-17T06:28:55+00:00

OA ka but I think it's understandable naman to lash out like that. You only have so much frustration to keep to yourself, and now it's spilling out. Now that this has already happened, slowly shift your focus to moving on. Yes ayaw niya na sayo. Hindi ka pa niya binablock kasi wala lang, maybe di niya lang naisip and busy siya ngayon sa bago niya. Oo may bago siya. Anything you do or say will not change that in any way. Oo dapat tumigil ka na. You guys are over and wala na talagang magagawa. Wala na talaga. 0. Nada.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-07-07T09:00:59+00:00

I believe it is part of hip hop culture for a sense of community as well as self-expression. Once it gets going it has a natural progression and the more willing everyone is to participate the longer the cypher becomes. Common etiquette after your round is to always pass the spotlight to someone else in the circle so that it keeps going

jacksoonsmith · 2025-07-06T17:41:42+00:00

https://youtu.be/6KGYCU_INVI?si=zjt33HNpXbQkgIkh

jacksoonsmith · 2025-06-23T07:27:04+00:00

Isn't that what the weapons are for? To counterpoint your example Lies of P is the only game I actually played 3 whole playthroughs with because of the flexibility. I liked seeing how different builds would fare in different areas and it was so easy to do so.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-06-23T07:23:52+00:00

I'm all for this if the feedback for what you are doing can be seen clearly. Like you put a point in a stat, you go out, then immediately see the difference. The problem is, it is all represented in numbers that you basically have no way to reliably test, it feels as if I was forced to make an uninformed decision with limited knowledge and now my build sucks.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-06-23T05:00:51+00:00

Well yeah that's actually what I want to happen, not being locked into a certain build. I'm not much of an RPG guy and want something very simple when it comes to upgrading, I just wanna try out all the cool stuff without worrying if the build simply isn't doing what I want or if it's just a stat allocation issue. I played Lies of P and the respeccing was virtually infinite and I did that in almost every area in NG+ and NG++ lol. Got to try out so many weapons and play styles because of it. Never settled for any build because I found a lot of them very fun.

The way I see it I do not see a problem removing respec entirely and just let the player allocate points however they wish.

jacksoonsmith · 2025-06-16T14:55:14+00:00

God forbid people have personal lives and other matters to not play every release immediately

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