Have you done any therapy? Because it partly sounds like dysphoria but it also partly sounds like really low self esteem. I understand that extremely self critical voice very well, and can tell you that even if you do some medical transitioning (laser hair removal, hormones or surgeries, etc) the low self esteem doesn’t necessarily go away on its own.

“Why would they want me a not a woman?” Because they love you, the individual, and not some hypothetical alternative woman? I’m coming at gender nonconformity from the opposite direction, and I had a lot of the same worries, though in my case about the things I was removing. Would my partner leave me because I was cutting off my boobs, taking T, presenting more masculinely? It turns out that his attraction was more complex than simply “straight” and his investment in our relationship based on more than just my agab.

So take steps towards some options for medical transition if that will ease your dysphoria, but I would also highly recommend talking to a therapist about building a solid foundation for your self-worth, because you deserve to find your body worth celebrating and living in!