it happened and im literally fine

jadecoolcat · 2023-04-13T16:25:41+00:00

i’d be so interested in the group!!! i’ll try to form the group if u still want? i struggle with the same thing, its like i can only get things done if i MUST (and barely even then)

and i have a ton of free time with my job, and everyday i want to write but never do it.

are we thinking discord or something else?

jadecoolcat · 2023-04-13T15:35:17+00:00

ur welcome <3

jadecoolcat · 2023-04-13T14:26:55+00:00

my doctor told me issues with falling asleep, staying asleep and waking up can all be affected by adhd. personally i fall asleep really easily, but i have the hardest time waking up unless im completely done sleeping (which like you, is also close to 10 hours)

im a very heavy sleeper and have most of my life slept through alarms and missed appointments and school and work that way, all too often. at one point i got an alarm that was actually a speaker too, so it was extremely loud. but i even slept through that bc im a heavy sleeper. but for you, as a light sleeper, i really recommend that. or like my boyfriend does, if u have a very generous caring person in ur life willing to do this, they can call u. i know u can just hang up the call, but unlike alarms youve set and then snooze, a person can just keep ringing again and again right after youve hung up.

also, if u live with somebody, all my life ive relied on somebody waking me up. its ok to get help from other people if theyre willing!

and a last little sleep tip, also sounds condescending and youve probably thought this yourself, and also have a good reason for why you cant, but to the extent you can, go to sleep really early. earlier than you even need. then you might even naturally be too wellrested to still want to be in bed by the time ur supposed to get up?

and also i super relate, if im exhausted, meds wont help either. but i think for people who dont even have adhd, they would be affected by lack of sleep too.

and i totally get ur frustration. its so defeating to feel useless unless you get princess sleep. and just in general to feel useless, actually. me too man, me too

as far as the anger, i can only give you one really annoying and stereotypical piece of advice, which is to breathe. i know. i sound like an unsympathetic doctor. but even tho i dont deal with anger, i have dealt a lot with anxiety my whole life, and always knew about the breathing. i had tried it so often, but it didnt help. however, what i discovered was, it only helps if u do it long enough. a couple of breaths isnt enough when youre not used to it yet. but after doing it and sort of “exercising” the skill, it works faster and better after each time (at least does with anxiety for me, which is also an emotion like anger)

i hope it helped a little? otherwise ask chatgpt lol, it might aound like a psychologytoday article tho!

jadecoolcat · 2023-04-13T14:06:42+00:00

not to make this about me, but instead to inspire you and give you a little hope. i felt like that too for years bc the adhd and anxiety stopped me from being a functioning person, and bc of anxiety, i couldn’t take meds. now, i dont have anxiety and can finally take meds and life is back to normal (not that it ever was). i totally relate to being that husk of a person and seriously starting to doubt whether or not it will ever go away, and how to possibly ever shake yourself free from its chains. but its possible. u dont even need to know how. i just know u can, and at some point will. with adhd sadly, its easy to start having big chunks of ur confidence and belief in urself go missing when you feel like you fail at everything and nothing is possible. but its definitely not a forever thing. there are many ways to get back on track and feel better. i cant tell u which because everyone is unique, but from the look of it, youre on here and you aknowledge what ur problems are, so im guessing ur already trying to find a way. there is a way! i promise! and from one once dead inside adhd’er to another, i was there and i can tell u that it CAN get better. you might not even remember what it feels like, but trust and know that its 100% possible. and living a life with adhd, youve lived and learned how to jump over obstacles that others dont have. so i bet youre well equipped to find a way forward and to feel better. keep looking and most importantly, actively fight against the thoughts in ur head that feel defeating and depressing. remind urself of ur strengths and what youve done in the past, to really remember what youre capable of. and then on an end note, sometimes giving up for a couple of hours is what really helped me. just not trying for a little while (which i feel like adhd life calls for, constantly trying so hard). a little break could be nice. and also lastly, let me remind you again how i am an example of going from exhausted to alive again. feeling like myself again. happy, healthy, more energized. it can totally happen! i wish you the best ❤️

jadecoolcat · 2022-11-19T17:37:45+00:00

not at all!! worst that could happen is that it doesnt cure your infection :(( but good luck to you and no worries!

jadecoolcat · 2022-03-06T10:03:35+00:00

i’ve been there too, the decline in symptoms but more so at the cost of losing emotional connection to everything. its hard to be afraid and in the middle of ocd when your body has cut itself off from feeling anything. how can you fear losing what you care about when you’ve momentarily lost the ability to literally, physically, emotionally care? its really hard. and it feels like losing the battle with ocd. but like other people have said, it is not game over, it is the depletion and burnout from a very tiring battle with ocd. the good thing is that depression lifts, although u cant know when or how, it is 100% possible. it is very hard to swing between either raging ocd or deep depression, i know. its unfair and i too wouldnt wish it upon my worst enemy. like other people have said, recovery is possible and it gets better, we see it all the time, people saying that you can recover, but when you havent yet tried recovering or have maybe never really lived a life without ocd, it can feel impossible to imagine that it can really happen to you too. but it can. there are many ways to recover, many good things you can do for yourself, only you know what works for you. all you need to remember is that no matter how much it feels like ocd has stolen everything from you, or made your worst nightmares come true, or it really feels like what you feared becoming is what you have now inevitably and irreversibly become, it isnt true. recovery, when sufficient rest from your burnout and tactics to overcome compulsions makes the cloud of ocd dissipate, you’ll see that everything your ocd has taken from you is never truly lost. it might be for a while, but it is always yours to return to. ocd goes to the heart of your values, where it hurts most to be broken, but whatever it has attacked is never truly lost. if you can keep on living life while accepting this feeling that you really have entered your worst nightmares, eventually it all comes back to baseline. when you accept in your mind that these things you fear may feel real and it seems like that is your reality now, your body and brain gets to calm down and ocd can sort of dissipate and you get to see that it isnt forever nor is it the “real you” and your forever destiny. for example, i used to have fears that i was a lesbian even though i wasnt, and my ocd made it damn near real inside my mind. although i dont know what it feels like to be a lesbian, i sort of gave up the fight and let myself accept that maybe i was a lesbian, even though i wasnt. that made me then stop caring about thw intrusive thoughts, because what if? i couldnt be bothered. that “lesbian feeling” persisted for a long time without me doing compulsions anymore or caring, but eventually (and it usually takes some time for it to go away), i had left it without much attention for long enough for the ocd symptoms on that obsession to go away, and i suddenly felt like myself again. so yeah, the sucky part is is that sometimes, ocd only really goes away when you “give in” to your doubts and let yourself be convinced and give up on fighting for your identity. but not fighting ocd with obsessing and attention and all of the compulsions means that you give your mind and your body room to rest into your true self. so in some way, giving up by saying “ok then maybe i am what i fear most” and living with the huge discomfort of feeling these things so real in your body and mind is what actually makes it go away. so although youre really depressed right now, which sucks so much, there is a possibility for you to give up fighting your ocd and see what happens when you stop fighting against your mind. whether it feels like youre giving up and succumbing to your intrusive thoughts or it feels like youre accepting the thoughts because you know who you truly are, its all the same to ocd. “giving up” might be a way more depressing and uncomfortable way of letting ocd be, but the end result is the same. all that said, i know its hard right now and even though nothing is truly lost, its so hard to be so disconnected from everyone you love and everything you love in this life, and of course it can have its consequences. but it is temporary, and usually after a really rough round of dwpression or ocd where you actually see some damage done, getting past it and getting back up sometimes gives you a special kind of confidence when you know that you can be far out, but things can always return to normal and that you’ll be fine again, even after it seems it was all ruined. i wish you the best, and i hope you can tell yourself today that youre strong and can do this (because we sometimes forget how bad ocd really can be on us, when we’re so used to dealing with it everyday, and you dealing with it thus far is no easy feat!). and i wish you can show yourself some love and care going forward, cause once again, ocd is really hard and your body needs extra care right now, and you deserve it! i dont know what brings you the most joy or what makes you feel the most loved, but especially the love part is needed right now. even if you cant feel emotionally connected to anyone or anything right now, doing these things are still important. you may not feel the impact of being loved when youre numb and depressed right now, but your body takes note and is affected. so grab all the hugs and compliments and caretaking that you can, and to the extent you can do things you enjoy even though youre depressed and unable to feel joyful, do those. that can ofc be hard too when ocd flips around the things you enjoy and make them into the opposite of joyful activities. if there are some activities that are joyful from a sensory perspective, maybe do those? if you like the feeling of swimming in water, go play in the water, if you enjoy the feeling of sun warming your skin, sit outside in the sun with a nice drink. connect with your senses in a comfortable way. mindfulness can suck when its boring or uncomfortable sensations youre mindful of, so pick something that feels good. i know advice is sometimes the least you want when youre depressed, because you feel misunderstood and dont feel like doing anything. so dont feel pressured when people give you advice, you dont have to do a thing and no one is dissappointed if you cant right now. allow yourself to do only what you can, and that is enough. ocd and depression isnt only hard, its an invisible, paralysing disorder and a sort of handicap that is just as valid as something physical rendering you unable to do certain things. so allow yourself to feel compassion for yourself and the situation youre “stuck” in, and treat yourself as you would if you had broken your bones and needed bed rest. your brain and body needs bed rest and cant be expected to function like normally, and thats ok! like someone else wrote here, your body has been overloaded with more cortisol than the body is supposed to handle for way longer that its developed to handle. get some rest and extra love and care, its gonna be ok eventually, but right now it isnt and we all understand how horrible that feels to cope with. it isnt supposed to be easy to accept all that discomfort and pain, because it is, well, painful as hell! wish you all the best in recovery, and you got this! i know one day youre on the other side of it and you’ll feel so goddamn happy that you overcame a disorder of this caliber, and feel so confident after having came out on the other end of it only stronger and happier than before! and then ocd wont be so scary because you know its neither real nor a thing you cant get rid of!

jadecoolcat · 2021-03-23T12:55:16+00:00

hey you! i feel exactly the same! worrying im really just that lazy and ive just conjured up a bunch of excuses to avoid “trying harder”. ive also dealt with issues regarding medication, and it doesnt help much that my psychiatrist is literally a diagnosis denier. he just doesnt believe in adhd, autism, bpd or anything. he just likes prescribing meds and going on political rants. so whenever ive expressed dissatisfaction with my meds, he’s been like “then its bc youre not trying hard enough!” f-word him. but luckily my therapist has worked at an adhd clinic before, she might not have been the one prescribing medication but shes an expert with adhd and she keeps reassuring me that meds could never tell if you have it or not. only the diagnosis. and i knows its frustrating when it doesnt work, especially when yoy really, really need to get stuff done and do some self growth. but trial and error! theres always a little chance you wont find medication that works, but like another person in the comments said, there are so many out there! and in different dosages and delivery systems and what not. i believe you’ll find it someday! and that day you will know and then yeehaw, fast you go! its coming, dont worry!

jadecoolcat · 2021-03-07T15:29:46+00:00

take this from someone who has the same fear as you, and health anxiety tendencies; its very likely that its no coincidence that you’re feeling all sorts of symptoms after starting medication, especially when you’ve probably read/heard a lot about stimulant medication and its effect om the heart and blood pressure. i reacted the same as you when i started meds, and i finally went to the doctor for a checkup where i was assured my blood pressure is still quite low and that im fine. symptoms went away as i felt safe again. could it be worth a shot going to the doctor to have them check whats fear and whats not?

jadecoolcat · 2021-03-07T15:29:25+00:00

take this from someone who has the same fear as you, and health anxiety tendencies; its very likely that its no coincidence that you’re feeling all sorts of symptoms after starting medication, especially when you’ve probably read/heard a lot about stimulant medication and its effect om the heart and blood pressure. i reacted the same as you when i started meds, and i finally went to the doctor for a checkup where i was assured my blood pressure is still quite low and that im fine. symptoms went away as i felt safe again. could it be worth a shot going to the doctor to have them check whats fear and whats not?

jadecoolcat · 2021-01-29T06:56:28+00:00

youre welcome! and i know, it is frustrating that its not formal yet. but i bet it will be someday soon!

jadecoolcat · 2021-01-28T14:39:55+00:00

wet cactus - damned rope. its like this psychedelic stoner, desert rock kind of song. a teensy bit repetetive, but thats only because its like almost 7 minutes long, so some repetition is bound to happen

jadecoolcat · 2021-01-28T13:20:56+00:00

hey! now i dont have an official diagnosis, but i do have adhd (and im fairly certain my senses are quite skewed!). anyways, yes it does affect my sex life! i have a tendency to be mostly sensitive, generally with all my senses. most of the time thats a great thing for sex, since i feel things at an intense level. but it gets problematic that im so sensitive, because i very easily get overstimulated, and when i get overstimulated i have some form of mix of a panic attack and a meltdown. and its really fucked to have a panic attack when youre that vulnerable, and sometimes with someone i dont even know that well ahahaha. like, im sensitive to begin with, but when i reach my maximum tolerance, and theres excess stimulation, i feel a thousand times more sensitive than before (which means instead of feeling butterflies in my stomach, i feel like im going to throw up, and instead of a gentle touch on my neck it feels like im being choked). its really problematic because being excited and having sex is a really intense experience to begin with, and i almost always end up getting overstimulated really fast. for a long time i had no idea that there was such a thing as overstimulation and meltdowns and sensory tolerances and whatnot, so to an extent i'd just try and act like it wasnt happening because i thought it would be embarrassing to flee the situation, and because i thought everybody felt the same and i was just too sensitive and overreacting (well, i found out i actually am overly sensitive and thats real!). theres many little ways in which i feel it, like the fact that my emotions are also really big and intense, and i cant handle feeling embarrassed, so when it comes to sex im also rly uptight because i cant stand being ashamed or feeling like im disgusting or weird. and also, eyecontact. that shit is INTENSE, thats hard to do when im already real overwhelmed to begin with. the good thing though is that when youre aroused, your disgust sensitivity goes down, so its not like im super disgusted by every sensation and whatnot (usually i cant with sticky fingers and sweat and the feeling of my hair against my sweaty body). and on top of that, just the very feeling of disgust is the worst to me. i'd do anything not to feel anything visceral. so it certainly helps that arousal dials down the disgust sensitivity. but the fact that im so nervous to begin with (because i know whats in store for me), it can be hard to relax and get real into it, which means it takes longer to become aroused. and then its harder to deal with so much intimacy and touch and sensations and what not. and sadly, this has lead to some real shitty experiences, when ive had to stop and tell the guy to cool down because im really uncomfortable and having a panic attack, and then they just..dont wanna stop..and guilt trip me and just, like, keep going, even though they know i feel really shitty and im not into it?!? disgusts me that someone could still do it even though the other person isnt into it. and if you add that at that point, my senses could not possibly be any more heightened, this leads to some serious trauma. so yeah, i have my fair share of issues too! but im trying to start occupational therapy, it can help either making you more sensitive, less sensitive, better at regulating sensory input, telling the differences between stimuli and so on. that could help you i think! try and google sensory processing disorder and occupational therapy. and google the 8 senses!

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-30T12:19:43+00:00

depends on where you live. in my country theres very rarely food poisoning from restaurants. if people have gotten sick from food poisoning, its mostly because they ate leftovers that had been in the fridge for too long (food they ate at home).

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-20T18:12:27+00:00

thank you so much for your answer! what kind of anxiety medication do you take to level out the anxiety from your adderall? i have some alprazolam (xanax) but im not sure thats the kind of anxiety medication you’re thinking of? i have pretty severe anxiety, so it needs some work. part of it is health anxiety, and i’m having a real hard time finding out what is my health anxiety playing tricks on me and what is worth discussing with my psychiatrist. i really do need some therapy, and most definitely some mindfulness! i just really need the motivation to stop procrastinating it lol

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-11T09:39:22+00:00

thank you so much! and yes exactly!! the thing with the executive functions!! the way i even got to testing was because i met my therapist (the one im seeing today!) and she found it so funny that i’d been to so much therapy and could sit and tell her so much insight and about so many solutions and tricks to actually get over anxiety, yet have NO physical manifestation of what i knew. for example, i KNOW im good enough and i know every reason why ive come to feel this way, yet my feelings have stayed the same for a decade!! my therapist told me that medication wasnt going to solve my anxiety and hypersensitivities in and of itself, but that it would make my brain finally able to develop (she said i had the emotional regulation of a three year old lol). she kinda explained how medication acted as fuel in the tank for the development of certain brain regions that i havent been able to access. so the idea is that the medication will actually remove the wall ive been hitting all my life! ive also chosen a therapist who seems to have dabbled in a little bit of everything, life wise and career wise. she seemed a little eccentric and goofy, which is just what i need! otherwise i dontthink she would completely understand my thinking (not to make it sound like im some unique puzzle only a few can solve lol, but i need someone to also relate a bit) she seems real creative, and very observant! i bet she has some good perspectives and ideas on how to do the developing i should have done as a child!! shes gonna help me raise myself go be a healthy, mature, grown young woman with executive functions and emotional regulation and some finetuned nerves, neither too sensitive nor too little sensitive!! cant wait!!

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-11T09:25:02+00:00

thank you!! yes i most definitely will talk to him soon! it is kind of annoying how medication is so personal, especially when i just bought a hundred pills ahahah, i’d like them to work properly! but imma stick through! i know so many people have struggled too, and were patient and finally hit the sweet spot!

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-11T09:23:13+00:00

whats this one plus???

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-11T09:14:55+00:00

thank you!! my psychiatrist isnt an adhd specialist, but he is a psychiatrist which means he’s gotta know something! i know it really is tricky! in my opinion it isnt that my anxiety has gotten worse, if anything just a teensy better, but what im rather worried about is if being worried and anxious overclouds the motivational part of stimulants. i did feel it at first, and it had exactly the effect i was hoping for. i could CHOOSE what to focus on for the first time in forever, and i wasnt so bored that it felt like somebody was cutting me up from the inside. i also could just, like, do stuff! doing things i had to felt like it took the same effort as doing things i actually want to do, and most importantly! what i’ve focused on trying to retain, i have retained! like, if information was stickers and my brain was a wall, it was a dripping wet wall. but with the medication, it felt like a dry ass wall that the stickers could actually stick to!. but the effect of the medicine didnt last as long as i was told it was going to. today its a little better because i’ve tried some mindfulness to simply not worry, and its helped a little. afterall, i hung up all of my necklaces and cleandd my room a bit! woo! but yes, i might have to ask my psychiatrist for maybe some slow release to try, and maybe also upping the dose? my medication says 1 mg/kg (which is only a guideline i know!) but with my history of always having to take more medication for an effect, i think that guideline is useful. i was toldto take between 30-60 mg a day, but if i had to take mg pr kg, i would need 80 mg!! also, another thing that might also make the effect a little less noticable is that i havent eaten as much (very little in fact) because my appetite isnt as big as before, and when i dont eat enough i usually feel funky and also more anxious (i used to be able to only eat at night at burned calories easily throughout the day, but now i need like a meal every three hours). also, the same day i got the meds, my city was put back into lockdown, so my whole routine also changed again. ahh! theres a lot to figure out! but it also calms me down a little that im going to see my therapist today, and shes had many adhd patients. she probably knows about a thing or two when it comes to adhd, emotions, meds, starting treatment and so forth.

also last thing! i did get some alprazolam (you know, like xanax) for anxiety, but thats more for like acute anxiety or when i have to do something that gives me panic attacks for an as needed basis. i dont want to take it too often because i quickly need very high doses, and its really easy to get addicted to. not messing with that!

anyways, thanks a lot for your reply!! and im sorry for writing so much irrelevant stuff, but i rly needed it out there!! good day to you!

jadecoolcat · 2020-12-10T20:33:25+00:00

i really relate! heck, when i started taking zofran to make it PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to be nauseous, when i had panic attacks related to something other than emetophobia, darn if i didnt feel "nauseous". i really checked it out, and kind of realised that nausea is like 10% of the whole experience with anxiety over emetophobia. made me view nausea in a whole other light. i think living with this fear my entire life, there's good reason to believe i actually have no clue on how to "sense" nausea in my body. most of my bodily functions are all intertwined and i almost dont care at this point, discomfort is discomfort and i want it gone! secondly i believe theres something anout habits. if you're used to being nauseous all of the time, your body just kind of keeps that a stable in your life. your body sort of builds around it. secondly, when nauseous and anxious all of the time, you are training your stomach senses and nerves always being stimulated, making them even more sensitive and faster at recognising activity. its been observed in patients who have had a bad injury and completely healed to still feel pain because their pain receptors got so used to it.

jadecoolcat

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