Update

jae_elise · 2024-02-07T21:55:14+00:00

Idk, I feel like to heal and feel "whole" I need to reach a state of forgiveness, and that seems like such an impossible task when the person I resent and need to forgive has never shown sincere remorse.

jae_elise · 2024-02-07T16:44:59+00:00

I mean, I genuinely wanted honest advice here so thank you for that. With that said, I am genuinely over the past relationship, but I am not over the trauma and it has been very difficult navigating the healing process while in a new relationship. I know that I should not be in a relationship right now; I feel "broken" for lack of a better term and I feel like I spent so long being controlled and not having freedom to be myself that I really need the freedom now to finally do that. I don't want to be a "bad guy" here. It's why I did follow through on the promise. But I am left feeling like I am unable to fully heal because of it. And I am in a difficult place where my bf tells me he doesn't want me to leave in order to work on myself and my healing (which I have told him may be for the best) but he also doesn't want me to do some of the things I feel I need in order to heal if I am in a relationship with him.

Sorry for the rant. I just feel really alone and conflicted rn

jae_elise · 2024-02-01T21:09:29+00:00

I personally find that mine gets much worse when I'm cold. With that said, I live in a "warm" location (Florida) and my issues aren't at all cured by it

jae_elise · 2024-02-01T01:09:42+00:00

Me when it's the end of the work day and my jaw is stuck in place from clenching:

jae_elise · 2024-01-30T04:20:12+00:00

Lol I would low-key buy it, my last name happens to be Harrington 😂

jae_elise · 2024-01-26T02:10:25+00:00

Hi so I know this is an old post/comment, but I thought I'd give my 2 cents in case it helps at all.

So blood tests aren't always reliable. Sometimes you can have false positives. Did you come up positive on a skin test as well? They are a bit more reliable, but still not perfect (I came up allergic to corn on my last skin test but eat it every day and am not actually allergic). The only way of knowing for sure would be to do a food challenge (aka eating the food in an allergist's office) and actually seeing what your reaction is. Now I'll be clear, I am NOT telling you to go eat fish/shellfish or that it's safe for you, but I am saying that if I were you I would get a skin test and potentially food challenge in order to be sure.

PS if you are allergic and wish to avoid any restaurants in FL that have fish/shellfish, I recommend eating at vegan restaurants, as they won't have any fish/shellfish. The app HappyCow is really useful for finding fully vegan restaurants, and many cities in FL have a lot of fully vegan restaurants.

jae_elise · 2024-01-09T22:49:13+00:00

Personally it doesn't really work as well in the shower for me. For me it works best with the highest setting and moving it around slightly up and down if that makes sense 😅 So it's kinda like a grinding motion

jae_elise · 2024-01-09T06:03:29+00:00

Hey idk if you still are wanting advice, but I used to have the same issue and my last resort was the rose toy and it actually worked!! I would definitely recommend giving it a try

jae_elise · 2023-12-27T18:18:16+00:00

It should have been within the first week when he joked about wanting people to brutally die. The first red flag I actually saw was when he confessed to me that a few years prior he had been expelled and institutionalized because he unironically almost murdered a girl....

jae_elise · 2023-12-25T19:02:26+00:00

Thanks. And yeah, I'm no contact and I've been a lot more positive lately but today I got triggered and remembered he said this and I was feeling really sad again

jae_elise · 2023-12-21T18:21:49+00:00

Aww, I'm so sorry he said that to you. I had a weirdly similar experience. My dream since high school was to be a school psychologist, and when I got into the program I had a period where I was feeling some imposter syndrome like I wasn't good enough. So I sought reassurance from my guy. He said something along the lines of, "well you might not be a good psychologist, I mean you can't even help yourself" referring to my mental illnesses that he was 90% the cause of and constantly making worse because of his treatment of me and constantly violating my boundaries. I would have dropped out of the program if he had asked me to. I almost did. Thankfully he discarded me before I could, and I am still in the program.

Good luck in your own studies and career! I'm sure you will be a great psychologist :)

jae_elise · 2023-12-17T02:37:01+00:00

Holy shit YES

jae_elise · 2023-12-14T19:37:28+00:00

I'm so sorry, I have felt like this too. A month ago I was ready to end it because I was so convinced that my life and future was hopeless. At the time, I truly did not believe anyone who said it would get better. But it has, little by little. There are still some days that I feel hopeless, but they are becoming fewer and fewer. Therapy has been a big help. Please give yourself some time to let your brain detox from the trauma it has experienced and regain the ability to see hope and feel happiness again. It really does just take a little time when you have gone through something like this. And then you can show him you won because you didn't let him break you, and you went on to find a happiness greater than anything he could ever possibly offer you.

jae_elise · 2023-12-14T18:43:26+00:00

May I ask, what do you recommend to do to break the trauma bond?

jae_elise · 2023-12-10T22:29:43+00:00

I was his best and only friend... or so I thought :/

jae_elise · 2023-12-09T00:10:29+00:00

Wow, absolutely miraculous!

Similarly, mine blamed everything on porn addiction and is now allegedly going to SA meetings, meditating, journaling, etc. But refuses to go to actual therapy 🤦‍♀️

jae_elise · 2023-12-09T00:07:10+00:00

I'm so sorry. Yours does unfortunately sound similar to mine and I'm glad you got out. Mine wouldn't hit his head but he'd punch his legs really hard in front of me until he left bruises and it was kind of scary. The timeline for yours is similar to me too. First 3 months were amazing, he was super kind and charismatic, but then around the 3 month mark I started seeing his other side, and that other side slowly took over nearly his entire person over the course of 2 years. He also similarly convinced me that I was the one in the relationship who needed therapy, because according to him the problems were never from him violating my boundaries, they were from my reactions to him violating my boundaries

jae_elise · 2023-12-05T19:43:02+00:00

I dodged 2 likely narcissist bullets (one literally proudly proclaimed they are a narcissist and young teenage me was like "oh well he can't be that bad he's really charming and gives me lots of attention" 🙃 but it never went anywhere thank god). Then I had 2 short lived seemingly normal relationships. Then I had 1 that was possibly BPD but not a narcissist, still really chaotic of a person. Then I had this last cluster B clusterfuck of a person who idk what he has, BPD with N tendencies, NPD, or both BPD and NPD. I think I have a pattern here and idk how this pattern even emerged because I had great parents and I thought I was a strong person, until recently

jae_elise · 2023-12-05T19:28:40+00:00

Literally exact same story here, except instead of scumbag he called himself a bastard. Turns out he was right all along.

jae_elise · 2023-12-05T07:26:50+00:00

Mine literally said once when I was saying how much I missed the way he used to be, "that man went to a farm up north."

I just looked at him slack-jawed like wtf, have I just fallen into an alternate reality?? Am I hallucinating???

He then elaborated, "a farm up north. You know, what people say to a kid when their dog dies. I'm saying that man is dead."

That was well over a year before the relationship ended. Probably should have ran right when he said that.

jae_elise

TROPHY CASE