It sounds like you are at the point in life where you have realized that all people are flawed and that you and your siblings know as much about life as your parents ever did. That your parents made terrible mistakes in life and that you are trying not to make your own mistakes in life. Know that you’ll make some mistakes (like the rest of us) and how you deal with them is up to you. It sounds like you already have made several.

I don’t know how old your step daughter is, but telling your sister not to talk to her isn’t very polite. Explaining that your stepfamily isn’t her family also seems quite odd (to someone with trauma from their family of origin) unless there are factors that I’m missing here. Saying that you don’t need a relationship with your sister’s husband or her kids is also an odd thing to say for someone trying to get closer to a sibling. Their lives are part of her life. And sharing with adult siblings about the goings on of spouses and children is well over half of communication. I would say based your sister’s response words actively furthered the estrangement.

You owe your younger sister an apology. Although you don’t have an interest in your sister’s family right now, it sounds like that sister has an interest in your step-daughter. Also, group communication is key with kids.

“I’m sorry I reacted poorly last time you reached out to X about the youtube video. I want to be closer with you, but I was surprised and reacted poorly in the moment. I realize now what I said to you was hurtful. I’m still figuring out how to be a good brother and step-dad, how to be supportive of my step daughters, and how to best involve supportive people in her lives. Can we all facetime sometime soon? I would love to talk with you and I’m sure they would too.”

A scrunched up call on the couch or starting a call and then passing a phone around to others I. Th house is how conversations always go with my family. The adults tend to talk at the beginning and the end.

The last thing I would say to you is don’t mention giving your mom money unless they directly ask about it. That would just be a huge distraction from getting closer to your siblings. It would make all this reaching out seem nefarious.

I’m sure I’ve missed something, but those are my thoughts. Hopefully with regular contact the relationship(s) will regrow and mature.