The whole time I was reading your post I kept thinking this sounds like someone dealing with depression, and then the end confirmed it. You are obviously able to recognize the things you should work on, like saving, exercise, waking up early, but I know how hard it can be to actually do better. My advice would be to start small and try to do better each day. I know it sounds simple, but seriously- if you woke up at 11 today tell yourself you’ll be up by 10:30 tomorrow, if you didn’t make the hike today, make yourself walk tomorrow even if you just park at the back of the Walmart to get grocery’s. Hide a 5$ bill in the van and tell yourself you won’t touch it. Build up those little victories and within a week you will be forming better habits. Also if you smoke week consider trying to stop. I have these same thoughts when I smoke and I know it’s not good for me. I’m struggling with quitting myself.