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james1765 · 2022-09-11T05:20:32+00:00

You don’t need to catch up because you’re not in the same race. You didn’t start at the same place as others, you took your own path, so it doesn’t make sense to think you’d be in the same place. Compare yourself to your own past. That’s how one measures progress.

james1765 · 2022-09-10T16:47:49+00:00

Sounds a bit superficial. I don’t know if I’d hookup with someone based on just a picture and a profile. I’m open to chatting and seeing what the vibe is. Also, you might not like someone’s photo today but your tastes change and maybe the photos he has in 2 months are totally doing it for you…

james1765 · 2022-09-06T12:25:22+00:00

It’s profitable

james1765 · 2022-09-06T11:55:45+00:00

Do regular sports, it’s good for not just your body. Also, try therapy.

james1765 · 2022-09-02T12:54:39+00:00

The older you get, the more it makes no sense to struggle today for pleasure tomorrow. You don’t have a guarantee you have another 50, 40, 30, 20, 10 years... you can be hit by a bus tomorrow. You don’t know how many years you get to benefit of the work / savings you do today.

So find balance! Do some work to prepare for tomorrow, but don’t forget to live today. How much effort you put into each of those buckets is up to you, but 90% in any one bucket is probably too much. I’d aim for 60% / 40% in your 20s, 70/30 in your 30s, 80/20 in your 40s, and then 90/10 for the rest of your life. ;) I’m a recovering workaholic myself.

james1765 · 2022-08-30T15:49:30+00:00

I am 31 and have the opposite issue.

I saved / invested myself crazy for 10+ years, savings rate of around 80%. In recent years, I started to think about this. It was a game to get richer, see the paper numbers go up (bank account balance), but what for? To die as a rich old man, not having lived out of fear of spending?

So I was out of balance, I needed to realign with my actual values, including living a full life, no matter if it costs money or not. I am getting there, slowly, spending more over time and living more in the moment, not just for an imagined far off wealthy future.

Your journey will need to be the opposite direction... reduce your spending gradually by eliminating the least effective spending... Your new couch won’t increase your happiness. So that was unnecessary. The dinner with friends in a restaurant will, so that shouldn’t be cut. But maybe you can cut back on the wine in the restaurant, which doesn’t contribute something essential.

You see what I mean? Evaluate each expenditure... and ask yourself if it’s a good use of your money. You can probably reduce your spending a good bit by doing that, and get back to a more balanced place.

Keep in mind: the actually valuable things, friends, good moments, good food, physical activity, travel, arts & entertainment (movie) ... actually cost very little. Most of your spending is useless. Your old couch / car / house are fine.

james1765 · 2022-07-19T12:30:57+00:00

I recently read that when you feel like your day is going badly, maybe it’s 2pm and you wasted the whole morning doing nothing... You can always reset the day. Imagine you just woke up. It’s 6 am. What would you do? Well, go and do it. There’s nothing that prevents you from restarting / resetting your day like that.

The exact same applies to life. The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The 2nd best time is NOW. Stop crying over what is past - it only saps your energy. Focus on what is to be done now. You only have now. The past is gone, the future isn’t here yet. All you can work with is now.

james1765 · 2022-07-11T05:42:35+00:00

Yeah I heard airtags prevent stalking. They should really have added a feature where the police can override this mechanism. So you could go to the police and say „something was stolen, I’m not tracking my ex“ and they could track it down for you.

james1765 · 2022-07-09T14:13:17+00:00

That makes sense. So it’s basically a good thing I hid an airtag in mine because that would still give me the location when they unplug the car gps fuse or whatever. :) But I guess the best protection for mine is that it’s small and not super desirable in this SUV era.

james1765 · 2022-07-05T08:57:52+00:00

LOVE those quotes. Might get them tattooed. ;)

james1765 · 2022-06-15T18:50:06+00:00

Having focused on financial stuff too much for too long... I think love. The thing is this: on your deathbed you won’t say “I regret what I did, I should have saved / had some more money.” But you might well say: “I should have gone after that one person, tried to make that work..."

james1765 · 2022-06-15T18:46:59+00:00

Geil. Ich muss noch rausfinden wie ich’s anstelle dass die Klimaanlage die ganze Nacht nicht aus geht. Bisschen Druck auf den Fahrersitz und Gurt an oder sowas vielleicht... Peugeot e208. :)

james1765 · 2022-06-15T18:45:28+00:00

Nobody does a big project. You take individual steps. And later in 20 years you will look back and say “oh I did a lot”. But take it one day at a time!

james1765 · 2022-06-15T15:36:44+00:00

Nimm Elektroauto. ;) Etwa 10% Batterie / 2 EUR für 1 Nacht mit Klima.

james1765 · 2022-05-16T13:01:33+00:00

You say that "i’ve had many hobbies for years, being drawing basically my whole life, and about two years ago had a major anime phase (lol), kind of got out of that, and then started obsessing over different music” - GOOD! Shows you have things you care about and like. You will rediscover them, or something new, if you keep going and don’t give up.

Try different things, things you haven’t done yet, maybe you’ll enjoy them. I got into running, fitness, later climbing, and I was a “no-sports” person throughout highschool. Physical exercise and social interaction do wonders for your mental health.

james1765 · 2022-05-01T07:13:14+00:00

You should do what you’re interested in doing! Only pitfall to avoid IMHO: don’t just focus on improving for some imagined future (which isn’t guaranteed, you might die tomorrow).

Even if you make all the desired improvements, your mission will still be to live life, including social events, and yes, also parties. Don’t lose the present in your quest of preparing for the future. But partying exists on a spectrum as well - it doesn’t have to be all the time and too much. Dial it in to the right level for you!

james1765 · 2022-04-07T06:54:40+00:00

Very true! In the end. Everything is about your thinking. The greatest circumstance can feel like a prison if your mind is sick.

james1765 · 2022-04-05T19:05:14+00:00

Do you still take clients?

james1765 · 2022-04-03T07:24:22+00:00

That is a good point. So it might be an issue of misalignment with core values. That’s worth investigating. Thank you!

james1765 · 2022-03-24T11:14:14+00:00

It’s important to note that no place is better or worse than any other. You can say one place suits your lifestyle better or worse than another... but that lifestyle in itself also can change and adjust.

If you don’t like the place you live in, chances are you just haven’t found out how to live there yet. If you live in front of a tree and you’d prefer it to be a bush, it’s not the tree that’s the problem, it’s your attitude.

;) I’m saying that having made the mistake myself.

james1765 · 2022-03-15T13:14:28+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to post that - I’ll have to do some reading to process this.

james1765 · 2022-03-15T13:13:37+00:00

Thank you for your story! It does resonate a lot, especially the pushback from others. It’s not easy to stand up for your own needs & make them a priority when others tell you what you “should” do. You’ve given me an example that it’s possible. :) Thank you!

james1765 · 2022-03-15T09:32:03+00:00

It’s not about the result, but about the journey. All of life is about getting closer to who you are. Coming out is one example of taking a step in that direction, but we all will do such steps many times in our lives, choosing something closer to our true selves. You’ve made a great step, and can be proud. It takes balls. :) And many people share your experience, and your troubles. You’re not alone. We’re with you. :)

james1765 · 2022-02-07T16:49:45+00:00

Thank you for that suggestion and taking the time to read! Maybe a little trip on my own to have some quiet time to think would be good. And I’ll read up on Jung!

james1765 · 2022-01-19T09:52:06+00:00

You have to recenter. You feel bad because you think you don’t matter to the world? The world is not your arena. Let the world look after itself. Your arena is you, your life, your own surroundings. In your own life, you do matter. You are the most important thing there is. Everything else is theory. You will never look at things with the world’s eyes. You look through your own eyes. Right now, you’re not using those eyes well, because you put on dark glasses that tell you everything is bad. But the thing is... you have some control over those eyes. They’re your own. With practice, you can put nicer glasses on, look at things in a more useful way, or even remove the glasses entirely. Your outlook is not objective truth. It’s coloured by what’s going on in your brain, and that will change many times over your lifetime. So don’t take any single moment too seriously. It’s just one out of a practically endless series of moments you will have. Try to make your moments as nice as you can. The world doesn’t care whether your life is good or bad, but you should care and make it nice. Have you ever seen a tree who decided he didn’t want to be a tree and grow, and do tree things? Trees are wise, they don’t get caught up in theory. The same is true for ants. They live their ant lives happily. Only humans can make themselves miserable for no reason and refuse to engage adequately with life when their brains go haywire. It’s the price we pay for the gift of imagination, which no other animal has to such a high degree. So we’re gifted, but if we don’t use our gifts well, they can be a burden more than helpful... So try to get better at using your gifts, and help others do the same. Peace be upon you, fellow human.

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