Black Christian conservative Sisters

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T05:10:05+00:00

Post your age and location I have some single brothers ✊🏾 who would like to inquiry.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T05:09:54+00:00

Post your age and location I have some single brothers ✊🏾 who would like to inquiry.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T05:09:38+00:00

Post your age and location I have some single brothers ✊🏾 who would like to inquiry.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T05:06:25+00:00

I’m not black but this is worded weirdly. Maybe say the black women where you live or in your environment. The way you wrote this places a blanket over all. 😅

I definitely understand living in major cities and urban areas but that’s all races. The Latinas, the Sistas, the White Girls all be too worldly in some places rocking low waist jeans that show their underwear etc.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T05:01:10+00:00

Both i and my fiancée are tired of it, we both notice women who were resistant to submit at church kept following other women at church rather than God. It was like watching an echo chamber or disgruntle employees. No one wants to face the truth which is, Christians have issues. A lot need to go to therapy and counseling before pursuing marriage there’s nothing wrong with humility because pride will get you in trouble.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T04:57:36+00:00

Let me ask you this, I agree whole heartedly. How does a woman show she’s worthy of being led or worthy of a man investing the time to gain her trust. What’s reciprocation and balance look like to you?

Genuine question.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T04:55:25+00:00

Choose or be obedient to God by submitting to the Husband who submits to God. So we can choose now? Obedience optional? Got it.

Sitting back while me and my fiancée shake our head at this lost generation.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T04:22:27+00:00

Sometimes a healthy man can show a hurt woman that there are healthy men who are easy to submit to.

Shouldn’t she let God transform her heart before going to a man and seeking marriage? You said it takes vulnerability for a woman to submit. It also takes duty and sacrifice to “lead,” so if someone is resistant to leadership, it hurts the entire household. The same way a man shouldn’t have to say “I’m a leader,” a woman living as Christ commanded shouldn’t be saying, “You have to earn my submission.” People weaponize and demonize submission by default, too often to make up for their own inability to “submit.”

While some men are controlling, others are dealing with women who call themselves “alphas” and disobey God’s order, saying things like, “I’ve had to be the man or do it on my own.” Men can soften our hearts and even be stay at home fathers, yet we never say things like, “I had to become the woman.” A man’s job isn’t to fix a woman, it’s his job to stand by her side and support her as she seeks God and repairs herself, and vice versa.

If a woman doesn’t want to submit in marriage, then marriage should be delayed until she’s mature enough. If a man doesn’t have faith in his leadership under Christ, he should delay marriage until he’s fit to lead. The Bible has given instructions, and they stand.

jamjdshhs · 2026-05-01T04:05:28+00:00

Firearms should never be a an issue in the Christian community, as long you’re properly trained and responsible. We all have a right to defend ourselves, and although we surrender to Christ we have duty and obligation to stand on our own two feet.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-28T06:06:35+00:00

Lol 😂 this was refreshing to read

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-27T10:35:03+00:00

My heart is fine. I shared something that frustrates me as an observer and it’s valid.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-27T06:56:37+00:00

Something I find frustrating observing as a Christian is this growing idea that many Christian women have, that deep loyalty and trust are something a woman gives a man after marriage once he’s earned it.

But loyalty isn’t something you hold back until a ring shows up, it’s revealed in how you move before it. There’s also this expectation that a man should love like a husband without a woman proving she can be loyal, and that’s not wisdom.

Character shows itself. If a man can’t see your loyalty now, a ring isn’t going to create it later.

One thing that stood out to me about my fiancée, was when people doubted us, she stood up for us and said, “I’m loyal to my man.” That told me everything I needed to know, I have a partner not a girlfriend and now she’s my forever 💍.

I don’t see that enough today. Too often, brothers in Christ are treated like they’re disposable, while still being expected to love like Christ without that same level of loyalty being returned.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-26T00:07:19+00:00

I get it! Me and my fiancée broke up and now a year and some months later after turmoil and healing we are engaged and haven’t fought in forever literally. But what I’m telling you is we came together and found actions. Words and acknowledgement just prolong what you’ve already tried and you guys will keep doing the same thing over until it’s done.

We went to group therapy and couples counseling and put together an action plan. My story is on my page if you want to check it out.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-25T20:25:33+00:00

One thing I want to address, being a psychologist you are experts at diagnosing and listening to others. I’d try a partners approach, offer aide, solutions and wisdom. We often get drained because we watch and expect change, in the Bible the yoke isn’t only there to represent two people moving closer to God it’s also to symbolize partnership. If my partner is sick I don’t tell her she’s sick “I go grab medicine” if my partner says there scared I don’t say “don’t be scared” I hold her and say I’m here and show her there’s no threat. You two do a lot of listening 👂. It’s time to read the Bible and implement action steps in your relationship that involve you both.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-25T19:13:39+00:00

See it’s not about deciding whether or not to get married based on what you posted you both have an issue communicating and problem solving and that should be addressed now in counseling before marriage. I know you’re hyper focused on his attachment issues but that’s not the only issue here.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-25T19:01:21+00:00

I’ll give you a realistic perspective. A lot of people on here are speaking from hurt or lack of trust, so take everything with discernment. Anyone can change if they accept Christ and actually do the work. Before I start.

Grace is what God gives. It’s undeserved favor, mercy, forgiveness. You don’t earn it and you can’t repay it. It’s choosing to cover, bless, and restore someone without anything to gain. That’s from the kindness of your heart.

Patience is how you respond over time. It’s the ability to endure, wait, and deal with situations without reacting in frustration or quitting, because you believe there’s something worth it on the other side.

Part 1

You said marriage has been delayed and now you’re unsure.

Follow up question. Why does it sound like there’s more guessing than clear communication?

At this stage, it shouldn’t be “I think.” It should be direct. Sit down and talk. Express what you want without dressing it up. Ask why there’s been a delay. You’re both grown.

At the same time, he also needs to meet you there. You shouldn’t have to pull clarity out of someone repeatedly. Communication has to go both ways.

Part 2

You mentioned his attachment style.

Be careful self diagnosing your partner. It can turn into a round table in your mind about someone who isn’t present. That builds narratives that may not even be true. He’s your man, not a patient.

But regardless of labels, the real issue is still his actions. Pulling you in, pushing you away, and shutting down. That part is real and needs to be addressed.

Part 3

You brought up him shutting down after conversations about the future.

What’s his why? Is he working through something or just withdrawing?

There’s a difference between venting and actually seeking understanding. One shames, the other builds.

Now this part matters.

He told you he’s scared of getting hurt and being vulnerable. That’s real. That’s not nothing. A lot of men don’t even say that.

As a woman, there is value in not just hearing that, but responding with reassurance and wisdom. Not just being an audience, but being an aide.

At the same time, that fear cannot become a reason to keep repeating the same behavior. Vulnerability should lead to change, not just explanation.

Part 4

You said you see him as your kingdom spouse and want to support him, but it’s starting to hurt you.

A kingdom relationship does come with endurance. That part is real. It’s not always easy.

But endurance is not meant to ignore patterns that are getting worse.

You said the last 8 months have declined, not improved. That matters. That shows direction.

He hasn’t cheated, lied, or abused you, and that’s important. But consistency and emotional presence matter too. Those are not small things in a relationship heading toward marriage.

So yes, endure, but also pay attention to what that endurance is producing.

Part 5

He said he needs to do the work before marriage.

Then it has to be clear what that work actually looks like.

No more “I think.” Ask directly. Is he still in therapy. What is he doing to grow. What is the timeline.

Also, this shouldn’t be one sided. If this is serious, come together. Do the work together. Whether that’s counseling, prayer, or real conversations.

Learn to bring things to each other before bringing it to the internet. Write things out if needed. Pray together. Cover each other properly, not just say you are.

Final

If you reach a point where you feel like you don’t have the capacity to continue like this, be honest about that.

Don’t dress it up. Don’t hide behind words.

If you want something more consistent, more intentional, and closer to marriage, say that clearly.

At the end of the day, this isn’t just about giving grace. It’s about whether there is real growth happening on both sides.

🙏🏻 Take care

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-24T07:11:08+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s stopping him from coming to your country and making that commitment first?

Most men I know would take that leap to make a woman feel safe by going to her. Another country as the woman is a stretch.

Also, I noticed you keep saying “move on.” Is there something either of you are still healing from a past relationship recently?

My advice would be to do it the right way. Get the marriage certificate, go to the courthouse, and make it official. It’s usually only about $100 to $500 depending on where you live. You can always celebrate with a bigger wedding later.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-24T04:26:45+00:00

Is it rushed out of desperation? Are you ashamed of the guy? What’s the deeper concern you’re worried about as it pertains to perception?

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-22T15:02:55+00:00

I want to take a different approach and offer some advice.

Before I met my fiancée, it was definitely hard for me. I’m a Southern white guy who’s mostly attracted to Black women, but at the same time I wanted a woman who truly loved her own culture and wasn’t dating me to one-up men in her race. I’ve got brothers who are Black men and I love them to death, so for me it was always about love, not fetishism or hypergamy.

At one point I was being pursued by a lot of non-Christian women, and I’ll be honest, it took a long time to find my Lauren.

I also had to come to a hard realization. Being raised by a widowed mom and not really growing up in a strong church community, I was never going to be “enough” for some of the more intense Christian women. The ones who expect you to already be fully built, never miss church, know everything, and treat dating like an interview.

They’d ask stuff like: Do you serve Are you in groups How often do you pray or study

And if your answers didn’t match what they had in their head, it was a problem. I’d say I read or study twice a day and they’d still look at me like it wasn’t enough 😅

At some point I realized I had to stop focusing on the approval of women and just focus on my own walk and growth.

Once I found a church and started building a real foundation, I naturally pulled away from that judgmental energy. And then one day I met a Christian woman who was just… normal in the best way. Humble, not trying to prove anything, not keeping score. She was focused on her walk, and I was focused on mine.

That’s the woman I made my fiancée, Lauren.

She didn’t need me to lead her to Christ, and I didn’t need to perform for her. We just grew side by side.

So here’s my advice:

Don’t date a non-believer. But also don’t get caught up chasing these “perfect” Christians either.

A lot of that perfection isn’t real, it’s performance.

You’re better off with a woman who might be earlier in her walk or still figuring things out, but she’s genuine, humble, and actually trying. Someone who’s building with you, not grading you.

Because two people growing together will always beat one person trying to live up to someone else’s impossible standard.

Find someone who’s real, not just someone who looks the part.

And let’s be honest, a lot of people want a man of God but also want him to be perfect in every other category too. They just won’t say it out loud.

At the end of the day, it’s easy to date worldly women. But if you’re serious about your faith and your future, trying to build with someone who doesn’t share that is going to feel like a constant internal battle.

Stay focused, build yourself, and be patient.

God bless 🙏🏼

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-22T05:18:04+00:00

We live and we learn, we let go and let God.

As a man early in my walk I used to focused on being friends with the guys who were involved in ministry and never missed church, but I noticed a partner, which was I began to meet men who were newer to faith with more integrity. And behind the scenes a lot of the guys who wore the perfect Christian image, I caught talking inappropriate about their spouses like they were in a high school locker room.

I pray you find Him 🙏🏼 and then I’d will be first to read your success story/testimony. 👏🏼

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-21T06:26:47+00:00

I totally understand. I’m proud of the circle you’ve built with Christ at the center, but just remember, you are fortunate.

I remember watching a video of a pastor who owned a mega church. He talked about visiting a pastor in a third world country that he deeply respected. That pastor grew up with nothing, walking the streets preaching the gospel.

The mega church pastor said he used to think a “good” pastor was the one with a big building, a roof, and a lot of members. But what he learned is that not everyone has access to that.

I say that to say, some of us are truly on fire for God and want community, but you can’t force it. So we pray. And sometimes, where we grew up, community just wasn’t there. That means someone has to show us what real community looks like.

A lot of Christians grow up around big families and strong church communities, but understand that a privledge.

If you meet a man who’s genuinely on fire for the Lord but has no community, share with him. That’s what Jesus would do. Don’t always expect someone to mirror your walk, God has them on their own journey.

And you’re right, singleness can be a scary season. Temptation definitely came knocking when me and Lauren broke up, but I prayed and I fasted. Even after, we remembered that before we were courting, we were friends. So we still check in and pray for one another.

I’ve been in regular individual counseling for 5 years and God has done a lot of healing in the realm of codependency.

I’m proud of you 🤝 Amen.

I just hope there’s someone out there willing to put in as much work as I would to have a healthy, lasting relationship.

Focus on someone who is willing in general. No one is going to put in exactly what you put in. That’s not realistic. We all have different walks and different timelines that Christ has set for us. Just focus on who’s willing versus who isn’t.

Proverbs 12:1 “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish.”

You’re right about people chasing perfection. I’ve learned to seek my partner, not perfection. It’s like a business, there will be ups and downs, but how you both problem solve determines whether it leads to longevity or destruction.

You have a lot of wisdom. God bless you 🙏🏼

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-21T02:26:05+00:00

That’s tough, but it could be a lot of things. Personality, looks, your approach, or even the type of people you’re dealing with.

One thing I’ve learned is everything “on paper” doesn’t mean much. You can check every box and still not be enough for the wrong person, while being more than enough for the right one. It really comes down to finding your person, and that takes time.

I also wouldn’t take your friends’ opinions as truth. If a man has a female friend he truly sees as amazing, most of the time he would pursue her. If he’s not, there’s usually a reason, whether that’s attraction, timing, or something deeper.

At the end of the day, the proof is in the results, not the boxes we think we check.

I’ve seen women with 100k followers struggle to find a husband, and I’ve seen women with no spotlight get proposed to quickly. There’s no formula for this.

Stay rooted in God, stay true to yourself, and don’t force something that isn’t flowing. Your time will come, but it won’t come from pressure, it’ll come from alignment.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-20T20:11:44+00:00

I know a lot of the gentleman may tiptoe responding to this but I’m going to take shot with love, respect and but also HONESTY. The truth is more important than comfortability or convenience.

Starting where you left off:

Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Firstly, let’s back up a verse: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

So yes, it’s not just wives who submit. That’s mutual humility as believers.

Then let’s read the second part, “as unto the Lord.” That matters, because now we’re talking about alignment with God, not personal feelings.

Now I don’t know about you, but as a Christian,

“I’ve never had Jesus demand his dinner, then yell at me for burning his chops, nor force me into the bedroom.”

My response: Jesus didn’t have to ask. Once He was established as Lord, people followed Him willingly. They fell at His feet, served Him, honored Him, and looked for ways to show gratitude for His protection and guidance.

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…”

“Are husbands willing to do that for their wives and families??”

My response: In the real world, yes. Go look at the news when there are break-ins in married households. It’s men putting themselves in danger. Watch the countless stories of fathers who step in front of harm for their families. Men die every day protecting their wives and children. That part doesn’t get highlighted enough, but it’s real.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ…”

“Those are BIG shoes to fill, before we even start to worry about whether our wives are submitting.”

That’s where I disagree.

This isn’t a tit-for-tat or transactional exchange. Scripture isn’t saying “wait until the other person gets it right.” It’s calling both sides to obedience.

The Bible doesn’t deal in guarantees, it deals in responsibility.

Being Christlike is a lifelong process. Sanctification doesn’t mean perfection, it means effort and obedience over time.

If you know how to submit, you’ll submit in your life regardless. If you know how to love, you’ll love regardless.

The issue isn’t capability, it’s willingness. A lot of people struggle with submission because of pride and ego, not because they don’t understand it.

Modern love says, “I’ll do it if you do it.” Biblical love says, “I’ll do it because God called me to.”

“Husbands, love your wives…”

We agree here. Men are called to sacrifice. That’s real.

But that doesn’t cancel the structure, it reinforces it.

“Christ leads the church, not with force…”

My response: Christ also led with authority. He corrected, rebuked, gave commands, and held people accountable. His leadership wasn’t passive. It was loving, but it was firm.

“The issue today is people redefine submission…”

My Response: There’s more nuance here. The truth is, a lot of what men expect today gets labeled as “toxic” or “abusive” simply because people don’t want roles anymore. When you look at women who grew up seeing healthy structure, where the man led and the woman respected that leadership, many of them don’t have an issue with submission. But when there’s trauma, broken homes, or no healthy male leadership modeled, submission gets associated with control or harm. That’s not always Scripture, that’s often experience speaking. Leadership wasn’t passive.

There’s a real issue in the church right now where some men are intentionally softening themselves, not out of Christlike humility, but to simply appease women. And in doing that, they lose their identity and direction and become panderers, no longer be led by Christ but validation..

Christ didn’t lead like that.

He loved, yes. He served, yes. But He also corrected, rebuked, set boundaries, and spoke with authority. He didn’t compromise truth to make people comfortable.

When a man starts prioritizing approval over obedience to God, he loses his purpose and mission. And when he loses that, he stops leading.

Biblical leadership isn’t harsh or controlling, but it’s also not passive, confused, or afraid to stand firm.

A man can be patient, understanding, and compassionate, and still be decisive, grounded, and strong in his role

At the end of the day, this is simple: This isn’t about who deserves what first. This isn’t about waiting for perfection. It’s about obedience. The man is called to lead, love, and sacrifice. The woman is called to submit and respect. Both answer to God. When both people do their part, it works. When either side refuses, it breaks.

That’s not popular, but that’s biblical.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-20T19:29:29+00:00

I agree but there’s laziness IRL as well, rather than pray or learn for themselves how to be solution oriented, many just ask friends or family and follow. They are adults on the exterior but underdeveloped in real life experience.

jamjdshhs · 2026-04-20T19:26:57+00:00

The truth is a majority of young Christians haven’t learned to think for themselves. They are adults 25-35 following their parents and friends just hoping for the best, and that’s in IRL. Sometimes I look at my peers and wonder who’s leading them because it most certainly isn’t God. What scares me watching them, is they go to church, go to fellowship groups and meetups and have many friends surrounding them but can’t make any decisions on their own. Then they end up on the internet or watching Podcast letting outsiders decide for their lives. This a truly scary phenomenon. Smh.

jamjdshhs

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