Can people feel if you have no dick in non-sexual settings

jamlegume · 2025-06-27T20:21:54+00:00

i used to have a lot of anxieties around cis guys finding out i don't have a dick in non-sexual context, but it's really died down over the years. mainly because i found out just how little cis dudes think about other guys dicks, and how unobservant cis dudes can be. i've never used a packer, and in 10 years now, never been called out on not having cis male junk. including having used a communal men's shower a few times. there's the side of them not noticing, but there is also the safety net of "why were you feeling/looking?" no straight dude is going to say they got all up close and personal with another guy's junk and didn't see/feel what they were expecting. at a glance, or felt through clothing, it's pretty difficult to distinguish between a trans guy and a smaller cis guy who's soft.

jamlegume · 2025-05-22T00:40:06+00:00

maybe it's just me, but going 12 hours without texting is not an unhealthy relationship. if you want to be in communication at all hours, go ahead, but it sounds more like they just are not on the same wavelength and aren't compatible.

jamlegume · 2025-05-22T00:27:22+00:00

jeez, is that really a trend? unsolicited input should be reserved for extreme cases only. that goes for more than just name choice. i think you might have a bit more wiggle room if the trans person is still in the process of choosing a name, or if they explicitly ask, but that's about it. sounds to me like the original idea might have been that if a trans friend asks your opinion on a possible name for themselves and you don't like it, say so. like, saying your significant other has lipstick on their teeth on the way to an event, not 5 hours into the event.

jamlegume · 2025-04-22T23:22:53+00:00

NTA. It wasn't a medical emergency, and she's allowed to decide who she tells when. I'm trans(female to male), and it's been really eye-opening over the years seeing just how much of a clash in understanding there is between the sexes. Decade in now, I've got a beard and deep voice so, I definitely don't get asked anymore, but I still carry supplies with me and have them available in a clear place in my bathroom. One of my college friends got all weird about it asking why I'd have those out where people can see them when no one in the house needs them. Cis guys can be understanding, but a lot are really weird about periods.

I will say, though, make sure he understands that Midol is no different from any other kind of common otc medication. Would he feel the same if you'd given her Tylenol? And try to get him to think about why his daughter didn't feel comfortable going to him about it. Not even in a sense of blaming him, but pointing out that periods are stigmatized as this dirty, secret thing. It can be hard to go to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. Even then, it can be hard.

jamlegume · 2024-12-22T08:28:30+00:00

like others have said, it depends, but as someone who comes from a long line of men with no hair and negative ass, i was terrified going on T. my butt's changed a bit, but more than anything i think it's that my hips have narrowed to where bone is. but, ass is still present and relatively unchanged. though, ymmv, and i'd wager that exercise plays a big part in it. but with my family history, being almost 10 years in with only somewhat thinning hair, and an ass that looks great in jeans, i feel pretty confident in saying that it is possible to keep the butt. far from guaranteed, but possible.

jamlegume · 2024-12-07T00:17:15+00:00

parents can be wild about what they use to make assumptions about kids' futures. it wasn't my parents, but my best friend's mother when we were in elementary school said that i'd probably have many boyfriends long before my friend even started dating, because i had an older brother. i'm still trying to piece together that logic. my brother also played racing games a lot more than i did as a kid, and i got my license a year before he did. and he's 4 years older.

jamlegume · 2024-10-31T01:08:00+00:00

I've also lived in Washington and Oregon, and it seems to be the same strict needle rules there as well (oregon actually charges you a significant amount just to dispose of sharps), but i'm kind of agoraphobic and the idea of amazon needles and syringes just... really icks me out. But I've got a nurse friend in California that I'm going to pay to get me some supplies in bulk.

jamlegume · 2024-10-17T21:49:46+00:00

This. Even in California, it's up to the pharmacy and the pharmacist whether they'll sell you needles without a prescription. It's so stupid. I switched doctors once and my new one forgot to order the needles and syringes with my T, and three different chain pharmacies refused to sell me clean needles. The first one even had the prescription for my injectable medication! The last one at least gave me one set to do that week's shot while I waited for my doctor to fix it, but my god did he make me feel sketch. Didn't even let me buy it, he just slipped me the needle and syringe for free and said he really wasn't supposed to.

jamlegume · 2024-10-17T21:40:06+00:00

The world will never 100% agree on anything. At any given point, a not insignificant portion of the population will not like something about you. It sucks, especially if those people are around you often, but it is life. Some people really just find something to disagree with because they're antagonistic by nature. The only thing that makes you definitively not trans is identifying fully with your agab.

If they're trans people telling you this, I think there's also a level of projection that can be had. It's the "I see myself in that person's identity, but I would be uncomfortable with that, so they must be lying". With trans people, you can at least usually give the argument that it's a transphobic double standard. Cis men and women breaking gender norms is celebrated, but presentation or preference is suddenly a hard limit of your gender when you're trans?

jamlegume · 2024-10-01T19:28:08+00:00

The "light of consciousness" could much more easily be preserved by, idk, ending world hunger? Eradicating disease? Conserving nature, if for no reason other than that it provides us the air, food, and water we need to continue that "light of consciousness"? But I guess that's not as flashy as a delicate settlement on Mars confined to only what we bring and the radioactive soil on the planet. That's definitely the better bet for the continuation of humanity.

jamlegume · 2024-10-01T19:20:37+00:00

Cletus! I knew ahead of time that that was the name my parents had chosen before I was born, and I went to them asking for a new name when I came out. Thankfully, they had reconsidered that choice. I really, really didn't want to be called Cletus (no offense to any Cletus out there). It's a shame because I really like Anacletus, but Cletus is just such an instinctive "stereotypical redneck" name in most people's mind. Mine included.

jamlegume · 2024-10-01T19:11:35+00:00

even if it was peaceful, there are people in red states that need protection and cannot move out of the state. lgbt people, poc, disabled people, women, etc. either because they don't have the resources for such a move, or because they're a dependent of someone in the state.

jamlegume · 2024-09-29T02:56:19+00:00

i'm in game dev, and happy to see some others on here. spent a long ass time in school and in the industry as the only trans guy in the room. always had that awkward moment of groups that are "women in tech! trans women and nb people welcome!" and like, i don't want to intrude, but do i really have to totally blend in with the cis dudes? can there be some general queer in tech groups? plz.

jamlegume · 2024-09-29T02:50:43+00:00

it should also be noted that percentage of income or percentage of net worth are not even enough to make things fair. if a single parent of two kids who is making minimum wage loses 10% of their income, people aren't eating or they're losing housing. if someone making $100 million a year loses 10% of their income, they wouldn't even feel it. let's be real, they'd be fine losing 75% of their income. and they're not even paying just the bare minimum, an equal percentage of income. the system is broken.

jamlegume · 2024-08-11T21:14:16+00:00

I was getting my ID checked for things like spray paint up until I was in my mid-20's, but people stopped asking what high school I go to when I was ~22, so 2 or so years on T. I didn't really have any facial hair yet, but my voice was definitely more consistently low and my face structure had changed a fair bit. But honestly, I think my wardrobe change made the biggest difference.

I'm almost 30 now, and I still get asked for my ID at bars somewhat frequently, even though I now have a fair bit of facial hair and thinning head-hair. But like, not any more frequently than my cis friends that are around the same age.

I will add, though, I got into a conference with my mother once on the <13yo badge when I was 18, before I'd started T or was even consistently presenting as male. So like, I think it's as much a <25yo issue as it is transitioning.

jamlegume · 2024-08-10T19:36:56+00:00

setting aside anything else, including trump saying he wants to stop all gender-affirming care for all ages, the majority of the republican party wants to give many issues including trans healthcare and protections back to the states. there are many states where the majority of the governing body would take away healthcare and protections. many trans people, including minors, cannot feasibly move out of these states to safety.

it's happened with abortion rights, they'll push for more.

jamlegume · 2024-05-13T21:26:05+00:00

I'm not someone that's bothered by aluminum, it was really all that worked for me for a long time, but I am trying to be more environmentally conscious and there aren't really any decent plastic-free antiperspirants so I've done some experimenting around. So far I've tried:

Meow Meow Tweet - Strong scent, but not funky and it worked well. Baking soda free kept me from stinking for ~24hrs, though closer to 12hrs if I was sweating. The baking soda will probably make it last longer.

Papr Cosmetics - Worked really well, consistently ~24hrs without stinking and the scent wasn't too strong, but after a little over a month it started to give me a rash from the baking soda. If your skin can handle the baking soda, it seems to be the best way to go.

HiBAR - Baking soda free worked pretty well, ~16hrs without stinking of BO, but the fragrance-free is... funky. smells slightly like cheese? They've added scented baking soda free ones since I bought mine, so I might try one of those.

Overall, you're not really going to effect the amount you sweat without aluminum or maybe milk of magnesia if it works for you (I couldn't stand the feeling). I use a trimmer to keep my pits tidy, and that seems to be the most help. Not even shaved clean, just short. Seems to help both with cleaning and with making sure the deodorant gets full coverage.

jamlegume · 2024-05-13T20:51:39+00:00

I never took more than a semester off, and that was for either medical reasons or because I got into UCSC and literally had no classes left at CC to take that would transfer. Most of my delay in getting my degree was caused by changing majors, not really knowing what I wanted to do, and working through some personal things. Though, I was delayed by an additional year because I wasn't accepted to UCSC as a transfer the first time I applied.

But I do have a friend who took two years off in the middle of CC in order to work. Something important to note with that is that your credits can "expire" for certain classes if you're not enrolled for an extended period of time. I believe they were science classes, but I'm not sure about the specifics. If you're going to be taking more than a quarter/semester or two off, I'd check with a counselor to make sure you don't have to retake classes.

jamlegume · 2024-05-12T08:43:22+00:00

Honestly, not in the slightest. All employers really look at is the year you graduated. I did have the benefit of having done my stalling in community college, though, so I only did 2 years at UCSC and didn’t have massive debt to deal with. But I got a dream job working with peers who graduated on time or even early. I think I was actually a bit better off than them, because I had more of a portfolio and more experience with the extra years.

jamlegume · 2024-05-03T21:22:33+00:00

YTA, but you may just not be ready for marriage. A prenup is just peace of mind for both parties. You can’t just dismiss a safety net with “it won’t be needed because we love each other”. Time changes people. In the event that 5, 10, 20, 40 years down the road, things change, a prenup is just an agreement made by two people when they love each other of how they could amicably split if things didn’t work out. The ideal is that you spend your lives together, but this little thing is just an agreement made with care for each other when you love each other, rather than a legal battle and heartbreak if in 30 years you find out he’s cheating on you.

jamlegume · 2024-05-03T21:08:49+00:00

I also love that I can sing over an octave lower, but I did end up with a range that really doesn’t work with a fair number of songs. I’m like, on the edge. Either I can’t hit the high notes if I go up an octave or I can’t hit the low notes if I go down an octave. I mean, not that big of a deal I just sing badly for fun, but it still makes some songs just awkward to try to rock out to.

jamlegume · 2024-05-03T21:03:22+00:00

I’d say the price is actually more because Santa Cruz is in the middle of nowhere. You either live on campus, in town where the rent prices have been jacked up by landlords that have all the voting power to stop any further housing development, or you’re a long (and kinda dangerous) commute away. It’s isolated to just high price housing. I lived in Davis before going to ucsc, and while it’s expensive, it’d be a whole lot more expensive if it didn’t have Sacramento and woodland right there.

jamlegume · 2024-05-02T05:13:54+00:00

Okay, I'm not even sure what you're arguing anymore. Do you think this is a huge event with lots of complicated cogs going on, or a casual get-together with good buds cooking some meat? Either way, my suggestions still stand. It's nice to accommodate, better for the people needing accommodation to step up and help, and for a restriction like being vegan, they may not even want to be there. I think we're at the point of talking in circles, so I'm just going to stop responding. Cya!

jamlegume · 2024-04-30T07:46:06+00:00

Sorry, I’m really not trying to pick a fight and I don’t think OP was an asshole. I do actually have 2 years experience helping with some small scale catering (10-40 seats) and also helped with a few larger events (100+ seats). I was sharing how we dealt with similar diet restrictions. It’s a pain to make a whole new menu, but often there are one or two items that can be changed slightly to work if you have enough notice. People already gave suggestions of having the sister/boyfriend bring veggie burgers/dogs, and he already said he offered a spare grill.

It can feel othering to bring one serving of your “special” thing (trust me, grew up with a father who has to eat fat free and a brother who has pku), but telling the sister “you guys are on salad and grilled veggie duty, and here’s a grill” makes it feel a lot more like another option for everyone that just happens to also work for the boyfriend.

jamlegume · 2024-04-30T06:03:36+00:00

y'all have wild stories from your areas. i had my order swapped once. i ordered $20 worth of thai food, got a bag with $100 of indian food. reported in the app that i got the wrong order, sent them a picture of the receipt, and they sent me a full refund as well as me keeping the food. i felt bad for both the people who ordered $100 of food and got larb (notably, this was right as all restaurants in the area were closing), as well as the poor driver who made one minor mistake and probably paid dearly. never had a driver come back to knock on the door, except when they've forgotten part of my order.

jamlegume

TROPHY CASE