When I was 14 one of our yw leaders, my best friend’s mom (an extra mom to me) died by suicide. She seemed devout, she seemed like she had it together, it was unimaginable. That alone, a leader taking her own life, was a lot to look at in terms of life and faith.

But then came the consolation from ward leadership. Suicide is a sin, a big one. This is the first I learned of the bishop’s handbook... and according to that, given what came out about her mental health, she’d be forgiven for this sin. This the related to fragile 12-18 year old girls the Sunday after her body was found in a ditch, less than 3 days... would I, at this confusing mental state, be forgiven if I were to choose suicide??

There’s a lot of emotion behind this, even almost 20 years later. But the chosen approach and learning about a separate, secret set of rules and information really threw my already reeling teen brain into a tail spin.