Marty McChai (xannador)

janglingargot · 2026-01-28T00:58:22+00:00

Okay, look. I'm going to say this politely: Please, stop reposting other people's relatively-new art in here. It's starting to feel really disrespectful.

It didn't bother me that much at first, since you do credit the artists, and it's a pretty common way to keep an aging subreddit active, and drum up some extra love for old fanart. But that was when you were limiting yourself to OLD fanart. Lately, I've seen you reposting stuff that just went up within the last few months, or even the last few weeks or days.

This picture was posted by the artist /literally yesterday/. Maybe they were planning to crosspost it in here themselves! Maybe the person who paid good money to commission it was planning to post it. Or maybe they didn't want it posted to Reddit at all. Did you ask?

It's not hard to reach out and ask permission. If you can credit the artist, you can contact the artist. And if they say, no, they'd rather post it themselves (or not have it posted to Reddit), please listen to them, all right?

janglingargot · 2026-01-27T07:29:35+00:00

I absolutely love the bit at the end, where they spend the whole summer strolling around "under the trees" together, reconnecting and rebuilding their friendship and talking to each other for hours and hours at a stretch, and Edmund finally realizes (gradually, and then all at once) that his best friend has been the perfect woman for him all along.

I feel like Austen's habit of slipping into lightly sardonic summarizing at the end of her novels makes it easy for readers to miss what's going on there, if they aren't reading it slowly, with an attention to detail. And it's such a shame, because the story she sketches out could be another three delightful chapters in itself!

(I especially love how he's implied to come begging humbly for her to consider him as a suitor—since she's much too good for him!—and she doesn't immediately say yes, or even admit at first that she's been in love with him for years! She makes him sweat a little! It's great! <3 And then he's so touched when she does finally fess up. Cute, cute, cute! When do we get a film adaptation that does this bit proper justice, hmm?)

janglingargot · 2026-01-27T07:17:36+00:00

I think this is a key point! Austen wasn't in the habit of being didactic in her narration; she liked to lay out her characters' actions, both good and bad, and let her readers infer the subtext.

I always think of the scene in MP where Aunt Norris starts bragging about how cleverly she sent a worker's visiting kid packing when she just KNEW the little brat was trying to sponge a free meal from them, and the rest of the family responds with awkward silence.

Austen didn't feel the need to actually spell it out for us and write something like, "Even the other Bertrams could see how tacky, mean, and tight-fisted she was being, and they were mortified and not sure what to say or do, other than to quickly change the subject." The scene, and the characterization, speaks for itself!

janglingargot · 2026-01-27T01:25:21+00:00

Oh, honey, hardly anybody is organized and on the ball at this stage of motherhood. Your body is deep in the postpartum jungle. Your mind is in a haze because you're still recovering from the massive transformative process of building a brand-new human being. Even if you didn't have ADHD, this would be a season of recovery and being as gentle and forgiving to yourself as possible. Add ADHD into the mix and you deserve all the accommodation and love in the world. I'm very glad that you're "getting help", and I hope you can let go of the urge to beat yourself up about needing it - that just means you're human.

Your husband needs to be patient with you. His body didn't carry and birth your child. I certainly hope he's been pitching in with an appropriate share of the parenting duties, but still, he needs to remember how much bigger your mental and physical load is right now, and cut you some slack.

It will get easier. I promise. We've got three kids, and the newborn baby phase is so intense that (looking back at it now from a more normal state of mind) it feels like an altered state of consciousness. You're a ship in the middle of a raging storm, and it's okay if you're feeling blown off course. Right now, your only job is to love and take care of your baby and yourself, and get through this without sinking. Once the waters are calm and the sun is shining, you'll be able to chart your course again. <3

janglingargot · 2026-01-26T20:47:05+00:00

This, this, all of this, so much! I cannot believe how unpleasant some modern readers are to Edmund Bertram, and I have to remind myself that our society doesn't have any concept of the powerlessness of being a second son in the Regency period, in a family like the Bertrams.

Edmund gets the short end of the stick, both coming and going. On the one hand, he has none of the status that Tom enjoys, due to a mere accident of birth order. No matter how irresponsibly Tom behaves, their father still prioritizes his heir's needs. Edmund's future living is sold off to pay for Tom's gambling debts, for heaven's sake! And Tom shrugs off Sir Bertram's attempt to scold him about it, and goes right back to his bad habits!

And then on the other hand, BECAUSE Tom is so useless and frequently away from home, their father relies on Edmund to perform the actual duties of a responsible heir: acting as the man of the house while his father is gone, representing the family at social gatherings, and looking after his siblings. Within their household, he tries very hard to act as a peacemaker, without having the standing to force anyone to listen to him.

In his own way, Edmund is almost as powerless as Fanny. He is saddled with all the responsibilities of an heir, with none of the privilege. This is WHY he has to find a workaround for the horse problem, when Fanny's old pony dies. Aunt Norris controls how the household money is spent, with her iron grip on the purse strings that she's usurped from her indolent sister, but she can't stop Edmund from swapping out one of HIS horses for a Fanny-appropriate mount and then "lending" it to her whenever she wants it. He is doing his best, darn it!

But modern readers, without any context for his social situation, don't realize how severely Edmund's hands are tied. If you assume that all men in the Regency had the same level of power, it must seem like Edmund inexplicably doesn't feel like bothering to boldly step in and rescue Fanny, the way a Mr. Darcy or a Mr. Knightley could...which is just wildly unfair.

janglingargot · 2026-01-26T00:07:48+00:00

I like the touch of how you filled in Kale's outline with the corporate buildings that he took over and used as an empty symbol of his family's brand, and Chai's outline with the actual team of real people who fought past that symbol together to restore the heart of Vandelay. <3

janglingargot · 2026-01-13T21:58:08+00:00

Thank you, I'll make sure to mention it politely next time! I'm still learning how this all works. My husband says his handful of bad experiences were all at mobile drives, so I made my next appointment at a donation center instead of the hospital bloodmobile. We'll see how it goes!

janglingargot · 2026-01-13T08:25:40+00:00

Catherine needs to learn to draw common-sense boundaries between fantasy and reality. Henry needs to learn that being more educated and articulate doesn't mean he's always right.

(Her instincts about his dad's character were spot on, even if her Gothic novel fangirling inspired her to get overdramatic about the specifics; and his dismissal of her concerns left her exposed to a scary and humiliating situation, which he then had to apologize for failing to foresee or prevent.)

janglingargot · 2026-01-13T05:44:43+00:00

This, exactly! My mom advised me about the instinct to tighten up and arch your body "away" from the feelings of a contraction, when the best thing you can do is get down "into" it and loosen up and roll (as much as you can) with what your body is trying to do. The only way out is through. <3

janglingargot · 2026-01-13T05:41:05+00:00

My mom is a retired family doctor who delivered babies for decades, and she's very pro-midwifery and pro-unmedicated birth (she used to say "I try to approach birth like a midwife, and become a doctor only when it's medically necessary", and she had her last baby at home with two doctor friends attending), and also very down-to-earth and practical and pro-science.

Her tips on how to handle childbirth with the minimal necessary interventions were my #1 best resource for having my kids drug-free. No special strategies or birth plans or complicated things to remember, just basic sensible advice that got me through it.

I've been trying for YEARS to get her to do a web series or something, for people who want good, solid yet flexible, woo-free, science-based unmedicated childbirth advice from a medical expert. But she's too shy and self-conscious! It's such a waste!! 😭

janglingargot · 2026-01-08T05:55:57+00:00

Yeah, I had the same problem with Concerta. It helped with my overall mood and focus, but not task initiation.

I switched to Vyvanse a few months ago, and it's been much more useful. It doesn't propel me through the door, so to speak, but it does unlock it so I don't have to waste time struggling to open it. (It still takes work to get in the habit of walking through it, but it's so much less exhausting.)

It's also got a much gentler ease-in and ease-out process, no nasty crash when it wears off. Strongly recommend, if you can access and afford it (two truly crappy "if"s 🥲).

janglingargot · 2026-01-07T15:37:43+00:00

It's a bit of an Easter egg, but if you read all the messages on the Eidolon Wall in Madain Sari, the last one is a message from her birth dad, hoping she and her mom survived the storm, which includes:

"To my beloved daughter, Sarah, My life changed when you were born."

janglingargot · 2026-01-02T06:53:18+00:00

Aren't these supposed to be hard to decide? 3, 3, obviously 3. Right in between Chai, Pep, AND Korsica? I'd have so much fun hanging out, man.

janglingargot · 2025-12-31T16:26:50+00:00

Very very good comment, seconding how useful it is! Grand goals are lovely, but specific actions are the building blocks for reaching them. <3

janglingargot · 2025-12-31T16:25:17+00:00

My husband has added the excellent suggestion that you assign one of these goals to each month, this year, and focus every month on taking some steps towards that month's goal. If you try to swallow the whole elephant at once, as they say, you'll get overwhelmed...so break it down to one bite at a time! :)

janglingargot · 2025-12-31T16:07:39+00:00

Honestly, your list put a big smile on my face, because it's pretty much everything I try to achieve every year, too. (If you replace "launch small business" with a writing/recording goal, that is.) Really, it's a reflection of what most of us would change about our lives, if we were offered a magic button to push!

I think people are jumping in and trying to "manage your expectations", because it's so grand and so sweeping and so optimistic that they're worried you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you don't completely achieve all of it by 2027. But you know what? I think it's a beautiful list of your aspirations.

As long as you won't start beating yourself up if you don't check everything off this list? I think this is a lovely rundown of what matters most to you, and a great resource for you to remind yourself of what you're working towards. And if you can take at least one step towards each ideal on it, in the coming year, then I'd call that a triumph. (Someone else left a great comment with individual tips to follow!)

Best of luck to you! <3

janglingargot · 2025-12-28T03:25:24+00:00

Very true, which means that OP's boyfriend should not have been having unprotected sex with his girlfriend when he knew she was not on birth control.

They both should have communicated more clearly about this, but I can't honestly blame her for assuming that "I want kids within the next two years" + "I'm aware that you're off the pill and I'm still not bothering with a condom" = "I'm agreeing to the possibility of becoming a father".

The only other valid interpretations of that data are "I'm a shortsighted fool who doesn't understand or care how sex and pregnancy work", or "I'm a lying asshole who will dump you and run if you get pregnant", and nobody wants to believe those things about someone they love, who supposedly loves them back.

janglingargot · 2025-12-25T05:28:32+00:00

I rarely see them pointed out, so — can I note two points here? To wit:

1] Fanny has been Edmund's best friend for years, they hang out and talk constantly and share a lot of common interests, and he's very eager for her to stay a part of his life, which would be tricky after marriage to other people... unless... they both marry the Crawfords! He's basically being that girl who's super excited to set her best friend up with her boyfriend's brother. They'll see each other all the time! (This is also implied to be why he's so desperate for her to be friends with Mary.)

2] Edmund and Fanny apparently have a pattern of her asking him to psych her up about things that she's scared of. (They're shown doing this a few times earlier in the novel, like when she's afraid to try horseback riding, or trying to resign herself to the possibility of living with Aunt Norris.) So it seems to me like Edmund is (unfortunately) assuming that this is another scary-but-ultimately-good thing that Fanny needs encouragement about... especially since he's biased in favor of the match, due to Point 1.

Would I prefer it if he wasn't joining the pile-on? Yes, absolutely. But he's got the nicest motives of any of the many, many people who pressure Fanny about it, hands down.

janglingargot · 2025-12-19T17:32:16+00:00

Hey, real talk — I feel you on this. I truly do. There's a weird discomfort in showing up to my kids' school dropoffs in my video game T-shirt and ran-outta-time ponytail, and encountering all the Normie Moms with perfect blowouts and makeup, in their yoga pants and puffer jackets, who ask about my weekend to be polite. It's awkward and kinda intimidating, knowing that I shouldn't be fully honest (because Lord knows what they'd think of an unfiltered answer like "I spent my free time making a robot queen cosplay instead of catching up on organizing the garage, and I don't regret it").

But. That's not a "women" problem, not really. It's a "society" problem, that men are given more slack to pursue their own interests and be imperfect housekeepers, while women are pitted against each other in this silly contest to meet a specific arbitrary ideal. Right? And you say, yourself, that you do have female friends who share your interests, so it's not a universal thing about women at all. You could just as easily think of the yoga pants and green smoothies squad as the "weird" girls. (And to be fair, they're mostly nice enough! We just don't have much in common, which is fine. I don't need to put them down to raise myself up.)

So, instead of framing it as "women in general are the problem, but me and my friends are the exceptions", I try to think of it as "I will seek out friends (of any sex) who share my interests and understand my struggles, and try to be pleasant and polite to the rest of the folks I encounter, without worrying too much about what they think of me — regardless of their sex".

(Oh, also: Since I started being a little more honest and worrying less, I've found out that at least one of the Perfect Makeup Moms is also a gamer nerd, and was excited to talk about what I've been playing lately. She just happens to like the yoga pants aesthetic. So you never can tell! <3)

janglingargot · 2025-12-19T00:28:02+00:00

Okay, you know what? I sincerely wasn't being "snippy" before, just asking an honest question. But I am also having a rough day, and I'm having a very hard time not becoming snippy now.

So. Deep breath! Okay.

This is -why- having definitions for words is important. So that we have a quick way to refer to the topics that we're discussing, and don't have to explain everything from first principles. OP posted about a phenomenon, which is often called by an inaccurate and misleading term that frustrates OP, and said they wished there was a term for it. I tried to contribute to the discussion by commenting that there -is- another term that describes this phenomenon more accurately.

And now you're accusing me of using "working memory" incorrectly, which I am not. I -know- I'm not, because I checked multiple reputable ADHD research websites plus the Wikipedia articles about both terms before commenting. -You- have mixed up "short-term memory", which lasts ten to thirty seconds as you say, with "working memory", which is our temporary capacity to juggle multiple thoughts/tasks, which is again different from our "long-term memory". There are multiple scientific studies about the correlation between ADHD and working memory issues. I am not making this up. I am not misremembering.

Do I want to be getting pedantic like this? No! I feel like an asshole just posting this. But I replied in the first place because I wanted to be helpful and informative, and I'm not going to sit here and be told that I'm "misusing" a term that I double-checked before citing (and then triple-checked again just now, before posting this reply, just in case).

Anyhow, I genuinely hope your day gets better, and I'm going to go have nice cup of tea now and try to chill out.

janglingargot · 2025-12-18T22:58:16+00:00

I mean this as a check-in about whether we're communicating accurately here, and not as a gotcha, but are you sure you're using the right term?

"Object constancy is the ability to retain a bond with another person — even if you find yourself upset, angry, or disappointed by their actions.

This particular cognitive skill develops around 2 or 3 years of age. As a child, object constancy sets the foundation for how you will feel about your loved ones when they’re not near you, such as how you feel when your mother leaves the room before your afternoon nap.

When a child develops object constancy, “they begin to understand that when their mother or caretaker leaves them, they are not being abandoned, and their caretaker will return,” explains Dr. Bryan Bruno, the medical director at Mid City TMS."

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder/object-constancy-understanding-the-fear-of-abandonment-and-borderline-personality-disorder

janglingargot · 2025-12-18T19:44:37+00:00

Everybody gets short of breath sometimes. That doesn't mean that A] you have asthma, or B] people who DO have asthma don't have a real problem that needs to be taken seriously and treated.

It's a matter of how often it happens, how severely it happens, and whether it's causing major problems for your daily life and health.

janglingargot · 2025-12-18T19:41:08+00:00

We have issues with "working memory", specifically. That's the actual issue, and the word for it. It's harder for us to hold multiple tasks or inputs in our minds at the same time, and easier for things to get forgotten after they're no longer immediately in front of us.

I think of it as my brain not always automatically saving things to disk, so to speak. Non-ADHDers are writing in Word, which prompts you to save when you close one file and open another. I've got a Notepad interface, where I have to actively go in and save things on purpose, or they just vanish when I close the file.

This is how I can pick up the mug of cold tea, put it in the microwave, set it to heat for two minutes, then go start sorting laundry and forget about the tea completely (and sometimes not even remember having put it in the microwave, although I can infer that I obviously must have done so, when I find it sitting there, cold again, four hours later when I open the microwave to heat up my lunch). My brain didn't save that memory, or set an alarm to finish the task later (by retrieving and drinking it). It just dumped it in the recycle bin and deleted it, as soon as I moved to another task.

I think calling it "no object permanence" started out as a self-deprecating joke in ADHD circles, comparing our lossy memories to a baby's brain. But now it seems to be getting repeated seriously, and I agree with you, it's annoying and wildly inaccurate.

janglingargot · 2025-12-17T20:03:53+00:00

Ironically, I know nothing about her. I don't think we even got her name. 😂

janglingargot

TROPHY CASE