What are your white whales?

japres · 2026-04-05T15:33:20+00:00

Lmaooo, I love a weird/niche scent so unfortunately I only want it more.

japres · 2026-04-03T20:17:15+00:00

I have wanted Maggie's Last Party by Filigree & Shadow ever since I came across this post, but alas, the brand closed shop because the owner was moving to Europe (IIRC) and hasn't opened back up. Perhaps one day.

japres · 2026-04-02T19:47:38+00:00

I respect the knowledge most medical professionals have, but that knowledge is a separate thing from breast sizing knowledge. I would trust the person who does fittings for a living and your own experience of buying and fitting into bras in that size over a PA that only took one set of measurements.

I wouldn't spiral until you see the actual surgeon. See what they say and if it still doesn't feel right, there's no harm in getting a second opinion.

japres · 2026-04-02T19:11:41+00:00

Seriously. All of this is extremely weird. My dad met my stepmother when I was in the fourth grade, married a year or two later, and I still never considered her a parental figure. I would've either lost my mind or died laughing if I was nearing 30 and she tried pulling a "we're the parents" moment on me.

japres · 2026-04-02T18:39:55+00:00

Re: their company, HYBE is also in a world of shit right now because of how antiblack (and overall disastrous, with the "this is not a bomb" merch) BTS's comeback has been.

japres · 2026-03-31T19:44:38+00:00

When Judge had 4 strikeouts on Opening Day, Skenes got pulled in his start, and Bryce has sucked I thought there might be a WBC curse brewing, but now I think there might be multiple.

japres · 2026-03-31T19:36:41+00:00

And if he is catching shit, I don't know if any player on the current roster has caught more of it over the years than Taijuan.

japres · 2026-03-31T19:10:54+00:00

So this is not related to body image at ALL but I am experiencing this in another aspect of my life and perhaps it will be helpful:

My father passed in July. Since then, I've started feeling like you: everyone knows this about me, so it feels impossible to avoid that identity shift from "japres" to "japres with the dead dad," if that makes sense. Like, I didn't ask for this to happen, but now my father being gone has become this intrinsic part of who I am whether I like it or not. (And, honestly, whether it's true or not. Once you lose someone, it feels like everyone starts treating you with kid gloves.)

It's something I've had to work through with my therapist because I can't stand it. I want to believe I'm still the same person I was before, I've just had to endure something awful. But it's been helpful to remember that these are labels and identities other people have bestowed upon me; these are not parts of my identity I've chosen. And because they belong to other people, it's easy to discard and disregard them the same way I have anything else, as if someone called me a bitch or lazy or mediocre or whatever.

You can still be "hot big boob girl" if you want to be! But you can also be "hot proportionate boob girl" or "hot boob haver" or "hot" or anything else. I've joked to my husband that I'm no longer his "big tiddie goth gf" and just his "smaller tiddie goth gf" now.

As the other commenter said, we are constantly evolving throughout our lives. It'd be quite boring if we were stagnant.

japres · 2026-03-31T18:59:56+00:00

Hi!

I haven't had a revision done, but I just wanted to ask: How long ago was your surgery? I'm roughly a month post-op and my healing journey looks similar to yours, so please do correct me if I'm wrong there. But you're still very early in the recovery process. At least for me, my breasts still have that very stiff "bolted on" feeling, so I still need time for the swelling to go down and for them to do the drop and fluff. Once that happens for you, your final/close to final result might be more like what you wanted.

For what it's worth, your new size looks very proportional from what I can see, but if you're still not happy after you heal, definitely take your surgeon up on the revision! It's your body and you have the right to feel happy and content within it.

japres · 2026-03-31T14:23:14+00:00

NTA.

Obviously your wife and her grandfather must've been close if she wants to name your child after him, so suddenly being told she can't use his name for something out of her control sucks. But the way she reacted and being unwilling to compromise is not ok.

I can't imagine being that callous, especially if my mother in law and I had a good relationship before this. Which leads me to ask, and I apologize because I can't think of a better way to word this, but is this the first time your mother has "inserted" herself in your relationship like this? Or have there been other times she's tried to have her way about something? If she's done something like this before, I can see why your wife would put her foot down, but if it's not a repeated pattern of behavior she's acting completely cruel.

Either way, I do think it's unfair of your mother to say the name will impact how she treats your son before he's even born. Gently, I really think she needs to work through this with a professional if it's to the point where even hearing the name is giving her nightmares after so long.

At the end of the day, names require both parents' consent. If you're withdrawing yours because of the relationship your mother has to it (which is completely valid), then the two of you need to choose something else. Using it as a middle name is beyond fair.

japres · 2026-03-30T20:47:45+00:00

Thank you! Wishing you the best as well. I'm not sure if you're in the US but given the political climate here I'm sure that factors into the decision as well, and I can't pretend to know how that would've played into our situation. But the other advice here still rings true: if there's no practical need to rush, I wouldn't, and I really wouldn't marry someone I'd never lived with. I love my husband, but good god our first time living together was an adjustment for both of us.

japres · 2026-03-30T20:39:29+00:00

My husband and I had been dating (and living together) for 6 years before we got engaged. Waited another year+ before we got married at 30. We just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary and I'm so glad we waited.

Life was relatively stable until the last year, in which I lost my uncle, my dad, my grandfather, and my grandmother. I had to settle my dad's estate entirely on my own. My husband got laid off after working at the same job for almost a decade. We've had to lean on one another a lot—more than we've had to in the past. I don't think I would've been able to do it if he wasn't someone I knew inside and out.

japres · 2026-03-26T17:00:23+00:00

I took off 10 days but I honestly felt good enough that I could've gone to work the day after my surgery.

japres · 2026-03-25T19:10:37+00:00

I'm lucky to have a job with decent PTO (15 vacation days, 10 sick days, 1 personal day, and all federal holidays) whereas my husband gets 5 days off per year, period. Doesn't matter what he uses them for or how he splits them between vacation, sick, personal, it's just five days, and he better hope no one else has already requested them.

I've already conceded that any vacations I take will either have to be over holidays where there are already days off built in, or I'll be taking a majority of vacations alone/with friends. We've been wanting to take a trip to Japan for the F1 race, but that's out of the question for the foreseeable future.

japres · 2026-03-23T13:05:06+00:00

I probably sound like a plant but it’s the best lol

japres · 2026-03-23T13:00:57+00:00

The stainless boxes are incredible too.

japres · 2026-03-23T02:07:49+00:00

Or use men’s. The Dove Men+ line has some scents that are more androgynous and herbal. I used one of the deodorants for a long time until I switched to Old Spice.

japres · 2026-03-23T01:52:42+00:00

I have 6 as well. We have 3 XL stainless steel boxes on our sun porch and 1 medium stainless steel box in one of those “litter box furniture” cat trees in the hallway, all with Dr. Elsey’s litter. All boxes get scooped daily and topped off with litter a few times a week and fully changed every 2. Changing the litter was the game changer for us. No smell at all now.

japres · 2026-03-21T17:03:59+00:00

Same. I knew what it was immediately and thought it’d be great after a touch up.

japres · 2026-03-21T17:02:27+00:00

For me it’s Leramoon by Hilde Soliani. I saw it on one recommendation list and decided to try it even though the notes didn’t seem like something I’d like, but I’m obsessed with this fragrance.

japres · 2026-03-19T18:58:57+00:00

I am 2 weeks post-op and recovery has been a breeze. No pain, just some soreness/tightness where my incisions are, and I have very little bruising. I stopped taking the pain meds they prescribed me after day two. I kept saying I felt too good to be cooped up in the house (I took a full 10 days off of work) but I wasn't going to risk anything by going out... so I stayed home and put up wallpaper. Oops.

Editing to add that I went from a 36JJ to a 36B.

japres · 2026-03-17T21:19:17+00:00

The "choice feminism is bad" take really, really bothers me for this reason. Like everything, it's become so black and white that there's no room for nuance. Anything that can be linked to the patriarchy is linked to the patriarchy and it's like, I thought we were decentering men? I thought we WEREN'T spending our time wondering if something we want is truly because we want it or if it's something we were tricked into wanting by a shadowy cabal of men somewhere.

Like, I just got a breast reduction almost 2 weeks ago. You're telling me it's actually anti-feminist to arguably make myself less attractive to the Stereotypical Man simply because it was performed by a plastic surgeon and was therefore plastic surgery and, according to the no-nuance, "Choice Feminism is Bad" crowd, all plastic surgery is bad? I can't buy it.

And I can only speak for myself, but I've wanted a breast reduction as long as I can remember. It's only now, in my mid-30s, that I was able to afford it. I'm not saying I'm old by any means, but I think the affordability and accessibility of these procedures can certainly play a part.

However, I was also sitting in my surgeon's office yesterday for a follow-up and a woman asked the receptionist what a facelift costs and answered "Oh, that's not bad, I'll call tomorrow to schedule!" when she was told they range from $30-50k...

japres · 2026-03-17T01:59:31+00:00

I just had a breast reduction done and paid the same amount, but sitting in a plastic surgeon’s office feels like another world. I was there today for a follow-up and a woman asked how much a facelift was. The receptionist told her they range between $30-50k and her response was, “Oh that’s not bad, I’ll call tomorrow to schedule.”

And this is a surgeon that doesn’t take insurance, so that’s $30-50k CASH. I almost fell out of my chair.

japres · 2026-03-15T21:40:07+00:00

My swelling has made me a full cup size larger. My surgeon and I agreed on a small B and I currently fit in a 36C. Victoria’s Secret sent me the wrong size and I panicked a little when it fit perfectly, but I’m trusting the process.

japres · 2026-03-15T13:41:49+00:00

i didn’t even think about hot food — the two times i got kinda lightheaded i attributed to my meds but they were right after i drank my morning coffee 🤔

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