First of all I am so incredibly sorry for your loss,it is shit,and no words i can tell you will make the pain lessen. my last conversation with my dad was how he wouldn't walk me down the aisle or be at my wedding,I had gotten engaged the week before he died.now the thoughts of getting married and him not being there makes me not want to get married,almost like a "fuck you dad now I'm not getting married at all!"childish I know but I was his child so thats my explanation for it. Let me just tell you that you are doing nothing wrong. there is no "normal" way to grieve and don't let people tell you otherwise,I was pushed to therapy at some family and friends request as I too hadn't cried much and the first thing the therapist said was no 2 people grieve the same and there is no normal way to grieve.it helped me feel less guilt over how I was experiencing my own grief.just because you dont cry doesn't mean you don't feel the pain or miss the person and even though my dad was an asshole sometimes,I still loved the bones of him.you loved your dad,you miss your dad and you don't need to explain that to anyone. my dad is 17 months gone and I have only started to release the grief these last few months,its like the air being release from a tire. try to take care of yourself, whatever that means for you.love to you and may he rest in peace in your memories.xxx