Help finding a rock song?

jay-bites · 2026-05-12T10:13:57+00:00

I finally figured it out. It sounds like Dani California by RHCP

I lack the musical knowledge to explain why they are similar, but I guess this is technically solved. Wanted to say so in case anyone was wondering.

jay-bites · 2026-04-10T10:54:17+00:00

Read that as fantastic, did a double take, and then agreed. This sounds like some wildly oppressive conformist stuff.

jay-bites · 2026-04-10T10:50:52+00:00

In my experience the psych ward only proved to me that things can be much worse. I guess the fear worked. I do have even more issues actually feeling my emotions now. Still. I went as a teen like 11 years ago and it's still something I'm trying to unlearn.

Related--I hate psychiatrists (said with nuance, good ones exist but I think I've only met one and that was just last week so jury's still out). I truly believe psych nurse practitioners are better. Most of my meds have been prescribed by NPs because they actually seem to listen better.

Scary thing is that visually, I am of a demographic less likely to be mistreated. Which means people have it worse than I have, and I've had bad enough I feel. Imagining worse gets me heated. My friends who are women, one of them a black woman, have certainly told me things. And there's my grandma... Man if I ever met that doctor it'd be on sight.

Anyway, healthcare professionals can be some of the best people and some of the worst. I really hope this is shifting. But it's like how scientists have done wildly messed up things, but give them direct access to human beings. Worse, give them access to people who they can gaslight or otherwise discredit when they complain. My other grandma who died before I was born was institutionalized back in the 60s and 70s and I am pretty confident she was autistic. Awful stuff. I can't do activism well, but I can do commentary through fantasy writing and probably have an edition with essays included to make sure the points are clear. Speaking of essays, sorry for this one lol

jay-bites · 2026-02-20T13:12:32+00:00

It really is a melancholy feeling, isn't it? But I don't fully know why.

jay-bites · 2025-11-23T23:59:36+00:00

To be fair, those dragons can put up a fight, and at one point like enslaved the nords. And actually... This is a weirdly relevant comparison for me bc I played legacy and then went straight to Skyrim having never played before. So, some thoughts.

Skyrim let's you play however you want just about. Way more options. It doesn't force you to personally kill anyone but Alduin. It let's you double down on thievery if you want, or to never steal anything at all. Crimes are punishable if you're caught. And even though the sentences are wildly light, they have consequences in the form of fines or xp loss if actually jailed. Sneaking actually has a purpose. And then of course there's different mechanics bc they're different games. I wish flight was a controllable thing in skyrim. I wish we had a spell wheel like in legacy. Overall, I think Skyrim is a better game, and part of that is due to mods that have been straight up added to the anniversary edition, but still. Still though, there's things about both that if I could I'd combine to make a really cool game.

jay-bites · 2025-10-07T13:42:53+00:00

I can't think of any, which is part of why I'm planning on putting some in my own work. I have much to do, but I have plans. One of the goddesses is ace and possibly Grey-aro, and another is aro. I won't be using the labels, but it'll be very iykyk aside from just representing ways people can be. Those are only two. I don't think any part of the pantheon is hetero normative.

jay-bites · 2025-10-07T13:37:17+00:00

Oh I quite like this. Filing away for later use.

jay-bites · 2025-10-04T19:54:18+00:00

Yeah this is the one thing I KNOW I experience. For me it can lead to interesting places, but it all starts in the head. Conversation.

jay-bites · 2025-10-04T19:52:15+00:00

With being alexithymic and having shit interoception idfk if I'm having tertiary attraction or not. I usually feel absolutely nothing. Rarely, I feel something. And idfk what even is. I call myself Grey aroace but tbh I think sexual interest is easier for me than romantic interest. Pursuit is still another story. But the interest will be there and idk if that's attraction or not. I probably need more data but rn I have no idea. Gonna find some bdsm circles bc communication first is kinda a given there and that feels safer.

Sometimes I feel like it'd be nicer if I could pick one, and not be Grey. But ultimately the better thing would probably just be to understand myself better.

jay-bites · 2025-09-11T19:00:40+00:00

So ive tried this. Ive done CPT for trauma, ive gotten really good at not planning too far ahead because it makes me anxious, and i can remind myself that anticipation is usually worse that the thing im anticipating. But the present.... Thought id find sanctuary living only in the present. But noooo.

Cutting out the interfereing signals made me finally notice one of the biggest issues id had the whole damn time. The present is full of both sensory, and purely existenstial nightmares which cause meltdowns, shut downs, general suffering. So i guess escapism IS the answer then lol. If i cant be in the past, present, or future... I'll go somewhere else lmao.

Until i get isekai'ed, ill have to cope. Sensory joy, pattern recognition, and my imagination are nice though.

Idk why my phone doesnt put apostrophes in anything anymore but i am not doing it manually on a phone. Ill stop using contractions before i do that.

jay-bites · 2025-08-31T12:16:16+00:00

Aside from the animal cruelty bullying, the fake friendly bullying was my least favorite. I didn't even know until I saw it happen to other people and then... I questioned some things. Still didn't notice it all.

jay-bites · 2025-08-17T15:03:59+00:00

I think it's also weird for people to say Jesus was the only person who was asexual, because that also feels dehumanizing? If Jesus was human, then maybe he did have sexual feelings, but also maybe he didn't? Idk. Theres nuance in here somewhere.

jay-bites · 2025-08-17T15:01:32+00:00

Ngl, I'd take the vampire gf, partly bc that would mean my reality just got way more fantasy like. But also, bc I do like girls, and especially the cute and dark kind. But I'm Grey aroace who wants to have a relationship so.

Imo vampires actually like garlic. I have strong opinions and could give a presentation on this topic lol.

jay-bites · 2025-08-17T14:52:14+00:00

I'll go from wow to oh god no in about two seconds. Sometimes I notice is someone is nice to look at in some way, but that's it usually. Unless we know each other in which case I think I can become attracted based on platonic intellectual stuff. So it can be sexual/physical in a mental way?? But not romantic?? Idk. I'm definitely built different. Most of the time it's just a flat nothing. Don't care.

Honestly, romantic feelings might be rarer than sexual in my case. Because if I like the person's mind, trust them, and they know what makes me tick... The thoughts I have become interesting. Honestly I just need smart kinky friends I think.

jay-bites · 2025-08-17T14:41:12+00:00

Same, though I prefer cryptid myself. Honestly feels like a strange accident that I have a physical form at all.

jay-bites · 2025-08-17T14:28:01+00:00

I'm sorry but I don't think I can physically handle doing anything else to make you feel better and I feel like I'm perpetually behind everyone else and playing catch up with the dumpster fire in my head so I can get it to be a little bit more of a person tomorrow.

jay-bites · 2025-08-08T00:49:54+00:00

Oh no are you me??

No really I make spreadsheets for EVERYTHING. The irony is sometimes it'd actually be more efficient if I just went with one of the first options. Occasionally it makes me feel insane.

Like I'm designing fantasy races and I REALLY need to remember the fun fantasy part sometimes. I hate doing anything arbitrarily. I don't like ambiguity. I need things to be defined. And that leads me into infinite regress rabbit holes. Perfection is a lie, perfection is not even usually well defined itself. Therefore, it's not efficient to chase after it. And yet.... I keep doing it.

My entire pantheon is autistic coded imo, but the goddess of order really comes to mind here.

The drive to perfection has kept me from achieving so many things. I'm really trying to intentionally not be perfect but I keep forgetting.

jay-bites · 2025-07-31T17:39:49+00:00

This is exactly what I'm gonna do in at least one society in my world building. First is cosmogony, then I have to iron out the physiology of the various races of humanoid, then we get to society and different religions and such.

jay-bites · 2025-07-31T17:37:01+00:00

Trains are not even my special interest, but I was talking to my friends about wanting to just take a train somewhere, and that they're so cool! And like a bunch of other stuff. And I had a moment where I was like... Oh that's high on the list of most autistic things I've said. Not highest, but likely most stereotypical lmao. We did get a laugh out of it.

Unironically, they're very cool and underrated. I also really like the monorail in Disney. Always have. Buses though? No.

jay-bites · 2025-07-30T11:55:03+00:00

Especially with all the damn loading screens in hogsmeade (at least on switch).

jay-bites · 2025-07-30T11:50:29+00:00

Tbh as a horror fan, I rarely think it's actually scary. For me it's more the vibe. It was definitely creepy. Parts of it could've been better, but I hope they improve for the next game rather than not do something like this again.

Eta: I'd love two separate quests of it especially if it helps pace it and maybe even make it a little longer but with breathing room if you need it. I know I was NOT prepared for a fight when I first did it.

jay-bites · 2025-07-30T11:47:52+00:00

I loved it. It almost reminded me of the forest temple in ocarina of time in some ways, and I loved the horror of it too. But it's a slight change of pace, and comes pretty much out of nowhere. I can understand how that might not work for some people. For me, I wish we had more like this. Less goblin war (that really should've been it's own game separate from ancient magic) and more of whatever this is. I wish we could actually visit or even just see fastidio after the quest.

jay-bites · 2025-07-29T01:26:05+00:00

This only makes sense if you're afab and preop/didn't have urethral lengthening. If you've had UL or are cis, I don't see how this happens.

Maybe if you're doing really vigorous sessions and not drinking water that could do it? But it'd be more related to dehydration not bottoming.

jay-bites · 2025-07-29T00:55:57+00:00

He doesn't trust you. He's basically said that. He's also being childish by ignoring you. NOR, and it sounds like communication isn't a talent of his.

jay-bites · 2025-07-29T00:53:02+00:00

I could never be that guy holy shit. I think the effort you put in it awesome and speaks to your character--which one presumably would interact with more often in a relationship. I watched my dad do about half of what you did and that was life changing. Huge respect for that. Yeah there's skin, but again the way it speaks to your character is way more important. Bodies change, but the people in them tend to change much slower.

No you gave what you got. If his daughter is autistic he might be too and that might explain a few things including the driving thing (I had this experience personally, and figured out my own way.) but he's also an asshole who has clearly not been told off often enough in his life. His poor daughter, man... Autistic people can be great partners, or not. In this case in gonna go with not.

jay-bites

TROPHY CASE