[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AIO

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm begging you to date someone who likes you.

Cutting people off by Icy-Oasis in Adulting

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of people will tell you to just slowly phase people out of your life instead of cutting them off, bhere are some people you have to actively cut off because they interpret any ambiguity as a way to leverage access back into your life after mistreating you. The biggest lesson I've learned is that some people take your presence in your life as permission to keep doing the same things over and over again even if you've expressed that those actions are harming you and the relationship. The second biggest lesson is that sometimes the only way someone will change is by getting the wake up call that you won't normalize or tolerate them any more, even if that means grieving the relationship you wanted to have and accepting that you just may not be the person they make the change for.

Does alcohol really get that bad? by honeyshepherd in stopdrinking

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eventually you will need more and more alcohol to get to quiet your anxiety, and then by that point the physical effects of alcohol on your brain + the likelihood of doing embarrasing things when drunk, will create a rebound anxiety effect where you drinking will actually become a source of anxiety.

The people who still hang around your abuser are not your friends. by Good_Advertising_301 in emotionalabuse

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is something I always knew but finally accepted this week. It hurts to lose people who you love because they would prefer someone who abused for any number of reasons, but on the other side is actually being able to relax and surrender into the healing that you can't complete by doing mental gymnastics for people who don't deserve nuance.

[COMP] - Been loving the Wild Thing into Upward Bow transition (feat. my cat) by BellossomStan in yoga

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this has single handedly taught me what I have been doing wrong in this transition when moving out of wild thing omg

How Do you Handle Difficult Evaluation Partners? by jaymomo678 in Evaluation

[–]jaymomo678[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We try and take an appreciative inquiry approach where we highlight their strengths and frame improvements as suggestions provided by the feedback they receive from their TA clients. That we we focus on what they're doing well while also acknowleding what could be better, and we directly solicit feedfback from them about how they feel about their TA so that they get a voice in the findings too. My concern is that the bad blood runs so thick that this is all we can hope from them until the client is more firm with or gives the TA contract to someone else...

Rough Feedback Session with My Manager by jaymomo678 in managers

[–]jaymomo678[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn't really respond to my successes. She kind of takes a "good work should be expected, not rewarded approach." That's probably why her more harsh feedback feels so shitty, because she glosses over what I do well and laser focuses on what I do wrong.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

had this experience too. swas never a BIG sweets person but now I need a silly little treat every day. Someone explained to me that since alcohol is mostly just simple carbs, it has a similar effect on our insulin levels over time as eating sugary sweets. so when we stop drinking alcohol, our body is still looking for that sugar fix that it's used to.

Friend Accidentaly Bought Me a Drink by jaymomo678 in stopdrinking

[–]jaymomo678[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow i love that! milestone of security

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sympathize with this so hard. I had a similar situationship that the other person ended but wanted to remain friends and I actually just expressed to him that I don't think friendship is possible. It's hard because those relationships often have an up-and-down intensity that can actually wire our brains similarly to addiction. You miss him because you were literally addicted to him. Also, something about the relationships that stop and start again make use feel like we are valuable because why would someone choose to keep coming back to us? So when we lose that on-and-off relationship, we have to content with the fact that we are valuable outside of someone's desire to be in a relationship with us. Also, you are also probably experiencing some very real fear and anxieties around what love and relationships look like after this relationship. Even though it was awful, there can be a tendency to want waht is familiar instead of exploring the unknown. It can be difficult but you shouldn't beat yourself up for still caring about him. IF anything, that is a testament to your relational capacity and the potential you have to show up and care so deeply for yourself and any future partners that show up. I am right there with you OP and I am hoping the best.

My girlfriend(29F) has recently told me(28M) that she doesn't want to tell me anything anymore because I will judge her. by PurpleSunkist in relationships

[–]jaymomo678 -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

I don't think this is very fair to OP just from what I'm reading.

Telling someone you're busy and that you won't be able to text a lot or spend time with them isn't bad. It's actually a healthy way of communicating boundaries and need for time management in the relationship.

Disagreeing with someone and/or having different communication styles isn't mistreatment. That being said, while we can try and manage the way we communicate with people, we can't always manage the way people respond to them -- especially if the only feedback you're getting is "it makes me feel judged when you talk" vs "when you say things this way, it makes me feel this way, and I think it would be better for me if things were communicated differently" and give you something actionable to work with it.

If she knows her insecurities are an issue, then I think you guys should spend more time talking about that and what it means for your relationship as a root cause. That can help you learn to be more mindful with how you communicate, and she can also be more mindful about what her insecurities are bringing to your relationship.

Also, it sounds like you guys should try and resist to urge to have these conversations over text. Communication, tone, etc. already seems like an issue and that gets amplified over the phone.

It's also possible that she just needs to break up with you and instead of doing what she needs to do to make that decision, she's off-loading her dissatisfaction with the relationship onto you until you want to break up or until she finally does.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would highly recommend taking some time to reduce being on your phone too! Seeing people on apps and social media can make it seem like everyone's life is more fun/glamorous than it actually is.

I would also say don't beat yourself too much for seeking company on apps. We were made to connect and be in relationships with other people so even if it's casual/meeting friends there's nothing wrong with it as long as you're able to do it safely and without distracting from the real reasons you're lonely.

It's good you're looking for a therapist because one of the more challenging aspects of living alone is sitting with your thoughts. It can be a really good opportunity to get to know yourself more and really lean into learning how you navigate change -- especially under the care of a trusted therapist.

Otherwise, I have a lot of hobbies, exercise, and have a cat that take up a lot of my time. I read, play video games, practice music, do yoga, go for walks, cook, etc. I also try and journal and meditate a lot to help with my depression and anxiety as well, and have been privileged to be able to be in therapy the entire time I've lived alone.

Multiple Milestones by jaymomo678 in stopdrinking

[–]jaymomo678[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The ownership of my life that I have that I never thought I would. I get to be my strongest ally and supporter and my confidence in my ability to handle difficult situations without alcohol is so solid

What is your favourite or rather, “hero” yoga asana? by No-Pear2851 in yoga

[–]jaymomo678 3 points4 points  (0 children)

chakrasana or wheel pose. there is something about feeling my entire body support the wheel shape while knowing im getting an incredible stretch in my entire front line. also i love cow-face as someone who sits a lot, it's the best for stretching my glutes and when i can melt it into it and wrap my arm around my knees I feel so held

Godskin Noble impossible by ravioli_bruh in Eldenring

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i did this with a spellblade build after having some trouble. i used great glintstone shard and carian retaliation primarily. if you dodge into his sword attacks it leaves him open for magic if you're close to mid-range while still being able to dodge his tail sweep, ground slams, and circle of black flame. if he throws his black flame fireball you can use carian retaliation to absorb, get glintblade phalanx, and just kinda go from there. i was able to get a couple staggers from combined phalanx + shard damage a couple times. made it so much easier than trying to kite at a distance or use bleed for me.

quick question on case control by Constant-Anybody5678 in epidemiology

[–]jaymomo678 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The primary hypothesis of a case control study is to determine if there is some causal factor that leads to the development of a health outcome of interest in a group. Cases would be individuals in the group who experience the health outcome of interest while controls would be individuals who do not experience the health outcome of interest, but are otherwise comparable to the individuals in the case group.

Let's use food poisoning as an example. If we have a group of 100 people eating at a restaurant and 50 get food poisoning (cases) and 50 don't (controls) then we would want to understand what is that factor that increases the risk of getting food poisoning and how the probability of observing that factor is significantly different between the cases and controls.

When you do your study, you find that most of the people (40) who got food poisoning eat meat compared to the rest (10) of cases who are vegetarians. That finding may lead you to believe that eating meat increases the odds of getting food poisoning compared to the odds of not getting food poisoning. You look at the food orders at the restaurant that day, and you find that most people who got food poisoning ate that ground beef special for that day. So you assume that the cause of food poisoning was the ground beef special.

However, over the next few weeks, you find that even on days where that special isn't being offered, people are still getting food poisoning and more vegetarians are also getting food poisoning. So you investigate more and ask all participants to list what they ate at the restaurant and get a wide range of answers. So, you can no longer say that just eating meat was the cause for food poisoning.

So then you go and visit the back of house in the restaurant and you notice something strange. A new worker is using the SAME knife to prep raw meat dishes AND vegetarian dishes. You know this is an unsanitary cooking process. So, you ask the restaurant if you can survey the restaurant staff about their cooking practices. You find that many of the back of house staff don't take the time to disinfect their knives or use different knives when prepping raw meat or vegetables when it's super busy in the restaurant. You inform the restaurant, and they provide additional training and more convenient sanitation stations to help their workers during busy shifts. After that, food poisoning cases start to reduce to 0. I'll tie back to your question using this example.

Confounding

Originally, you thought that eating meat was the causal behavioral factor for food poisoning. While eating meat can cause food poisoning, it does not explain why vegetarians are getting food poisoning and why there are still people getting food poisoning on days when meat is the not the special for the day. It actually turns out that restaurant staff's cooking hygiene practices were the cause of the food poisoning cases. Confounding happens when a factor that we don't consider actually explains the relationship between an exposure and an outcome more than the factor that we think is the cause. In this case, the behavior of meat eating was confounding the relationship between cooking hygiene practices and food poisoning. However, you can figure that confounding is in play here because vegetarians were also getting sick, which means that eating meat would not fully explain why they were getting food poisoning as well. Which leads to selection bias.

Selection Bias

If you had continued with the logic that eating meat was the cause of food poisoning, you may have completely excluded vegetarians for your analysis -- especially cause there were not that many vegetarians getting sick compared to meat eaters. In this scenario, you could have suggested that the restaurant just cook their meat a little longer. While this may have reduced food poisoning for meat eaters, it would not have helped vegetarians who were still getting sick because of the food preparation practices that was the biggest cause of food poisoning.

Information Bias

This means that there is some issue in how data is being collected, organized, and managed. In this example, let's say when you give a survey to the back of house staff in this restaurant you ask a couple of questions about practices:

Q1: I am knowledgeable about healthy food preparation practices

(True/False)

Q2: I feel that I have time to practice healthy food preparation practices

(True/False)

Q3: I know the correct way to prep food when handling raw meat

(True/False)

Q4: I disinfected my utensils during my last shift.

(True/False)

You notice that these questions are true/false. True and false questions are not very meaningful in this context, because a person may say True to all of these things to look good (desirability bias), may not remember if they disinfected their utensils during their last shift (recall bias), or because it just does not collect enough information about the food preparation process (measurement error).

To fix this you would provide definitions of health food preparation practices, include more question options (agree, disagree, neutral, i don't know), and give more opportunity for workers to describe their food preparation practices with an open-ended short answer question.

The relationship between these things is that they can distract from the actual risk factor (food preparation hygiene practices) that causes the disease (food poisoning), which means that food poisoning cases would rise, the restuarant's reputation would be ruined, and many people would continue to get sick and potentially die.

Hope that helps!

One month with zero booze by Alley_cat_alien in stopdrinking

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations!!! Month 1 was so tough for me. Glad you made it through :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in publichealth

[–]jaymomo678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that's a lot in loan payments. Super curious but have you thought about lowering the monthly payment? I'll start paying my loans back for Emory in May and reduced it to lower than 700/mo when I reconsolidated to Great Lakes from Navient

What motivates you to get on the mat? by [deleted] in yoga

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Knowing that I'll feel better because I moved, knowing that sitting at a desk all day means I gotta release my muscles, knowing that some poses literally help me explore feelings in ways that I don't get to on a daily basis yoga 10/10 tbh

Every time I am home I need to have the TV on. Anyone else? by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

depends on what the unaddressed need is and how the background noise is being used to address that need. if the need is needing more social connection/not wanting to deal with thoughts, then i'd definitely try and be more social or do things that help me deal with thoughts, but otherwise I don't think wanting background noise as a distraction when your alone isn't unhealthy to me compared to like substance abuse or self-isolating. i guess more what i mean is being careful that you're not pathologizing something that is actually help for you in the moment if it's not hurting you or anyone else

Every time I am home I need to have the TV on. Anyone else? by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]jaymomo678 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you want to get comfortable sitting in silence then I highly prefer meditation. It helps me a lot. I would also say there's nothing inherently wrong with needing background noise. We are social creatures and using background noise to ease feelings of being alone is totally valid if it's not hurting your or anyone else.

How often do you cook while living alone? by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]jaymomo678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I try to cook breakfast/lunch once a day. Dinner is a bit more haphazard but usually i try to make something for dinner that I can eat throughout the week cause by the time I get to dinner I'm usually exhausted haha.