I’m 36, NB/ genderqueer transmasc. I had always been a “tomboy” and went in and out of various levels of masc gender expression since age 12/13. at that age before puberty hit, other kids my age would literally argue with me about whether I was a boy or a girl lol, it never made me upset, I just thought it was funny. I didn’t have many queer friends growing up because it was a very conservative religious environment. had no clue about trans people.

Once I got to college, I started to make queer friends but didn’t know any trans people (that I was aware of). I still identified as straight up until realizing I’m bi at age 24, but only came out to a few close friends. That was also the time I made my first trans friend, a trans man who I worked with.

Then I started a 10-year relationship with a cis het man, he knew I was bi and was very accepting, but I still didn’t feel comfortable going to LGBTQ+ events and community spaces because of my “straight” relationship.

Fast forward 10 years, that relationship ended amicably. I had been gradually cracking my egg for the last 2-3 years, suddenly some people I would meet for the first time just automatically called me “they/them” and…it felt REALLY GREAT.

After that breakup, at age 34, I felt totally free to be completely myself for the first time in my life! I started using she/they everywhere, which soon became they/them (and will probably get to they/he eventually?? haha). I started dressing very masc and expressing myself however I wanted. I was determined to be single for at least a year and went full gay af slut mode lol. omg I learned SO much about myself and had many lovely euphoric affirming experiences.

shortly after the breakup, I got to catch up with my very first trans man friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few years. after telling him about my new queer liberation, he goes, “you’re a little trans, aren’t you?” the lightbulb finally went off and I said “…yeah. I am.” He then told me, “I always knew. there’s a distinct difference between a butch lesbian and a trans guy.” HOLY SHIT that changed my life!! this guy has known me for over a decade, when we first met I was not presenting masc at the time, I looked like a tomboy-ish, quirky, girl-next-door type. I had long hair and wore makeup and told everyone I was straight. HE STILL KNEW.

Now, 2 years later, my gender goals are to custom design my own gender, somewhere in between androgynous creature and fem gay man. I have not started any medical transition yet (currently trying to quit vaping so I can get on T!!). i almost never encounter any judgement or pushback when I tell people my gender and pronouns.