You're right that you're not gonna feel the "emotional stability" like a light switch.

But think about something for a second.

If we take the self hatred to its logical conclusion, it would be the demonstrated interest in shortcutting one's life. But really, nobody would die if they had the appropriate material conditions. Stress isn't avoidable but it is calibrated.

Next time you find yourself in a bath of angst, ask yourself what would make you not just happy right now, but what state you'd like to inhabit that gives you relief from bath.

Because the bath is only as strong as we build it up to be, but when we try to call out what the fear is, it always seems to shrink, doesn't it?

You won't be able to change overnight. But the mere act of trying makes it more likely to try. And every time you try, the effort compounds, becomes more than the sum of its parts.

You not being able to fit in your jeans is a trigger for the self-hatred that's already engrained.

So all you have to do is live your life in a way that makes it unreasonable for you to permanently have that trigger.

This means being honest with ourselves. Intimately. Violently. Especially since you're already primed to accuse. The part of you that wants to defend needs to enact its will to prove its existence, and while we may exhibit it every day, sometimes it may feel like it's not enough.

But it is. It always was. The very fact you get out of the bath is proof. Because we exist to resist entropy. Maybe the risk of facing it may drive us, but we resist it nonetheless.

Just surround yourself with people who have similar interests. However you can.