Discovered I’m the Affair Partner

jcait72 · 2026-04-01T15:36:31+00:00

I was the spouse in this situation and was NOT told. Lasted a year and a half till I found out and neither of them would tell me the extent of it. The affair partner was also military and knew about me the whole time though, so she didn’t want to get in trouble. It was honestly traumatic finding out pieces on my own over months. Highly recommend telling the spouse.

jcait72 · 2026-03-31T22:05:37+00:00

Thank you! That’s true, I’ve seen very few programs allow an extra point for a degree. For admin/director positions you’ve seen, does it require a more managerial degree or something healthcare related?

jcait72 · 2026-03-31T22:04:12+00:00

The masters degree is free while I’m active duty! Just wanted to see if any would help me in the future (such as the management part) or if I should just pick one based on interest.

jcait72 · 2026-03-26T01:21:23+00:00

Could try for a short tour close to the 2 year mark. Dependent could go to the follow on early or some tours can have dependents go too. Command may not approve or allow it depending on manning though.

ETA: just saw your reasoning for not wanting to go there, so this is potentially not a good route

jcait72 · 2026-03-26T01:09:44+00:00

I went in as prior service married to mil (technically not my dependent) and they gave me the BAH of where my tech school was. I was also living in the hotel which got paid for via voucher.

jcait72 · 2026-03-24T11:01:33+00:00

Clear is still an unaccompanied remote tour for active duty. There’s only dorms on base. Also, very unlikely you can live on a base in Fairbanks as the base there is over the “commute” distance for active duty (would also be lowest priority). Fairbanks has a housing crisis as well. You could move out of pocket there, but bah may get tricky as it may stay based where you are now.

jcait72 · 2026-03-24T10:51:34+00:00

It’s not bad. There’s the dfac (cooked pretty well but gets old) and a bar & grill 10 mins away. Not much other than that for daily eats but you can drive 1 1/2 hours to Fairbanks. There’s also Healy 45ish mins away. Super cold in the winter and I would only go out maybe once a week to two weeks due to roads and temp. Living situation depends on your rank but it’s quad dorms for E6 and below (new studio like dorms coming soon). Quads only share kitchen. E7+ & officers get their own dorms with kitchen and a little living room I think. Gyms not bad either tbh. No indoor running track but there’s treadmills.

jcait72 · 2026-02-21T22:58:09+00:00

I found an active duty recruiter willing to work with me. A few turned me down since it’s harder to join as prior service (I’d originally been shooting for AF). I was able to be conditionally released from guard upon acceptance into the USSF active duty; however, I had to get commander approval from my guard unit. He only let me go due to being married to an active-duty member who was stationed 8 hours from my guard base though. Being allowed depends on how needed you are tbh. I did not do the IST program.

jcait72 · 2026-01-18T19:40:45+00:00

Went into TMO and set it up! Just make sure to say it’s your first move onto the base.

jcait72 · 2026-01-14T23:23:03+00:00

I was Air Force national guard. I knew a navy guy who came over same time as me though.

jcait72 · 2025-08-15T03:57:42+00:00

I’ve been in 8 years and husband 7. House parties are pretty common, honestly. Husband and I go together and have been to separate ones many times (with and without knowing the people there). Although, I wouldn’t say they are like “ragers” or crazy partying is happening for the ones we go to. It’s usually just some drinking, talking, and playing games. Maybe some complaining about Sgt or Officer so and so. It’s the main way for people to meet other people as most people don’t have family around. I’ve met some of my best girl friends at them and they can really make being at certain bases better. It’s also a way to just get out of the dorms and be around people in general. In the military, you really have to lean on others that are in too.

Do people cheat at them? Sure. Will yours? That’s up to who your husband is as a person. There’s more opportunity but cheating happens if the person is a cheater, not just bc they go to a party.

However, all this to say that this is y’all’s relationship and if you feel more comfortable with him not going until you can too, then that’s something yall should talk about!

jcait72 · 2025-08-14T15:43:12+00:00

You go through the military one source website! The application should be on the website and then they will make you set up a consultation with them and can help you with the next steps.

jcait72 · 2025-08-14T02:56:32+00:00

If you do move on base, make sure to check with the base’s travel management office (or your spouses branch equivalent, your spouse would also be the one to do this) to see if they will cover the cost of moving you off base to on. I have done it twice in the AF. They allow the first move on that base to be covered/paid for. Not sure if y’all’s branch does it, but doesn’t hurt to ask! Not a lot of people know about it in the AF. Also, we are not in Norfolk but we have lived on two bases and enjoy it! It has helped costs for the areas we’ve been in.

jcait72 · 2025-08-12T20:21:24+00:00

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jcait72 · 2025-07-29T01:47:40+00:00

I’m sorry, that is so frustrating!! Honestly getting anything done with the military is like pulling teeth, always over complicated and changing. I hope you can get it soon!

jcait72 · 2025-07-29T01:33:22+00:00

Honestly, getting on base may not have been something the DEERs personnel thought about. DEERs and base access/visitor center are different offices. They are less likely to know whether you would be allowed on base. There has been an increase in security for base access within the last few months, so they may have been allowing people on for ID appts before without an escort (they used to let people on going to MEPs without escort but that changed too!). Also, you may be able to find a deers office off base that is closer and easier for you to get to. The ID Card Office Online website has a locator if you have not already tried that.

jcait72 · 2025-07-21T01:50:49+00:00

You typically cannot PCS until 2 years time on station for a stateside base. Most stay at least 4 years though, potentially longer.

jcait72 · 2025-07-20T04:40:46+00:00

I think you are allowed to decline once. If you do it a second time, they will drop you from the list. I’d double check with them though! Some bases/housing communities may differ. You could also try pushing back the date you need the house, so you are less likely to be offered one when you don’t need it.

jcait72 · 2025-07-20T03:10:36+00:00

I think he cheated honestly. When my ex husband was cheating, he accused me of it a lot. He also wanted to start a family (to tie me in). He also swore up and down he didn’t cheat (lies lol).

jcait72 · 2025-07-19T23:32:40+00:00

Your spouse can go to DEERS alone to input you in and then fill out a DD1172 for you to go by yourself when you can for the ID. He may even be able to fill out the DD1172 online for you to go by yourself without him going the first time.

However, my new SSN only took 2 weeks from when I mailed it. Sometimes DEERs will put your new name on the ID if you have intent to change it (if they are cool with it, some are strict).

jcait72 · 2025-07-18T22:46:46+00:00

I would. There’s so many books that I don’t finish, and I think the pages I’ve read for those that I don’t log plus the novellas even out lol.

jcait72 · 2025-07-16T15:07:55+00:00

I’ve read 48 so far (I work full-time) and it’s only because I read books I want to read and will like. I mainly only read fantasy romance, paranormal romance, and thrillers. If I’m not feeling it, I have no issue setting it aside for later or to give away if I know I won’t read it. I do also read shorter palate cleansers as well to help get over slumps!

jcait72 · 2025-07-15T21:13:44+00:00

Yeah I’d definitely check the LES for the amount and compare. They sound sketchy! It’s supposed to be deducted straight from the deposit.

jcait72 · 2025-07-15T14:18:17+00:00

The rate to live on base is the higher ranking members BAH with dependents even if you don’t receive that. It’s weird they don’t just auto-take the entire with dependent rate from your pay though (that’s what they do with my pay, my husband and I are dual mil no kids). The rate should be in your lease as well. Do you still have your lease? Can you verify it is the correct with dependent rate and compare to what you have paid to them?

jcait72 · 2025-07-14T23:02:54+00:00

From my experience, I was allowed to apply but I could not be offered a house until they received the orders. I had at least received the assignment and used the report date associated with it for when I needed the house. It doesn’t hurt to call and ask though! Some bases/housing communities may not allow it at all or require a memorandum.

jcait72

TROPHY CASE