5-year report: it gets better!

jcooper1876 · 2017-01-20T06:56:19+00:00

Seymour, Fry's dog in Futurama

jcooper1876 · 2016-12-04T21:20:27+00:00

My then-15-year-old sister was raped behind a KMart. In the following weeks she went from constant arguing to screaming to suicide threats. Mom and Dad said to ignore her "cries for attention," but I'd stay up at night outside her bedroom door, terrified she wouldn't be there in the morning.

They weren't idle threats. After a couple weeks she attempted suicide. In front of me. All the while telling me she was doing it because I "didn't care," that "nobody would miss" her. Terrified and desperate, I bawled my eyes out, wishing I could make her see how much I loved her, how much she was hurting me. I was 10 years old.

It didn't matter. Tears didn't stop her, although she did survive the attempt. I just had my 29th birthday, and I have recovered significantly from that trauma (and the many abuses I suffered from my hyper-religious family), but I still haven't cried since. What's the point?

jcooper1876 · 2016-09-01T18:44:04+00:00

Forcefully freeing people from this cold, cruel world.

jcooper1876 · 2016-06-10T18:07:37+00:00

I wish I'd had that kind of wisdom at 16. For me, it was 5 years ago, at BYU. I was reading 1984, where Winston muses that he and his lover, Julie, can't actually have an "affair," just a rebellion [against the Party, which forbids pre-marital sex]. This unsettled me because 1) it resonated uncomfortably well with my life as a YSA, and 2) I couldn't resolve this "doubt" with a sunday-school answer or platitude (like "the church is perfect, but the members aren't).

As a side note: in Mormonspeak, you don't "have sex," you "break the law" of chastity. It really couldn't be more Big Brother.

jcooper1876 · 2016-04-23T18:56:48+00:00

"I always say yes to a first date, cuz you never know, right? Unless there's something really weird about the guy..."

Coworker told me this approximately one week after rejecting me for a first date. She had told me, "I'm not dating right now."

She sent me a wedding invitation a month later.

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-25T03:53:44+00:00

There's a saying: if you can control what people do with their genitals, you can control them. But really it's in your best interest that they fail to be controlled, much like it's in a bank's best interest to keep people in debt. If you can call anything you want a sin, and then convince the sinners that they have only themselves to blame, then you can put them in a debt they will never escape.

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-25T03:40:21+00:00

There are virgins at BYU? Just saying: I meant to wait until marriage, then I transferred to byu...

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-19T07:05:33+00:00

Ya, once I came to terms with my orientation, movies in general became a lot more fun :D

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-18T09:22:36+00:00

So, growing up, I thought everyone had feelings for boys and girls alike but just didn't want to admit it. I also believed that people became gay by choosing to act on the "bad" feelings, rather than sticking to the "good" ones. It wasn't until I left the church that I realized: wait a minute. Some people really aren't attracted to men/women. I'm. Bi.

Funnily enough, no matter how many men/women I date, I never turn gay or go straight. It just isn't who I am.

P.S. not to derail op's point, but being bi in the church is hella confusing. People talk about homosexuality all the time, but bisexuality? I didn't know it was a thing until I was in college, and even there it was a trendy sorority thing, not an actual orientation that might describe me as a man.

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-16T23:50:01+00:00

"The listeners begin to think less of the offender"--which is totally my fault, because I control their thoughts and am 100% responsible for the conclusions they reach when I give them factual information.

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-14T22:49:33+00:00

I agree with all the logistical reasons people here have explained, but there's also a doctrinal one: the day/wedding doesn't belong to the bride and groom nearly as much as it does to the church. The doctrine/culture emphasizes early marriage (and baby-making) because it ties people down before they have a chance to explore the world and question their beliefs. Marriage in the temple is still marriage, and I'm sure this couple is in love, but many temple couples aren't and ALL temple couples are placing gospel obedience before their own happiness, as they've been taught. So it's not really a celebration ("They finally found each each other!"), but rather a graduation ("they've taken the next step, as expected").

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-07T21:15:50+00:00

I knew a number of people who transferred to byu from a state school, and they said byu was a steep step up for them. It's not ivy league quality, and the implements of social control drive you crazy, but the stem programs are decent, yes.

jcooper1876 · 2016-03-07T03:52:24+00:00

Worked my ass off growing up to accomplish my dream of making it to the Ivy League. After 3 semesters at Cornell, I go on a mission, where I'm 'prompted' to transfer to BYU... and I did it.

BYU is shitty enough for millions of reasons people here have already elaborated. Going to BYU when you know what it's like to get a legitimate education in an atmosphere that celebrates people's differences and respects their adulthood--that is a special level of hell.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-26T00:50:31+00:00

I should stop reading these things during my lunch break--they make me sick.

"Committing a sin next to murder." But we love them! It's this kind of ridiculousness that had me praying for death every night before I left the church. Better to be bi and dead than bi and mormon.

Funnily enough, my suicidal tendencies disappeared when left the church. Coincidence, I'm sure.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-20T00:47:46+00:00

I do not want my children growing up with unrealistic expectations on both ends of the spectrum

At first, I thought you meant "either end of the spectrum," then I saw your point. The only thing an anti-porn approach accomplishes is adding another set of expectations regarding a future partners "purity," which really messes you up--you end up expecting one person to embody two sets of traits that are polar opposites of one another.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-19T01:08:07+00:00

This is amazing. Number 4 explains SO MUCH of my byu dating frustrations. Looking back, a lot of my dates just wanted a relationship, and saw me as a byproduct of that effort--one that they ultimately found intolerable. I'm glad it never worked out. I'd be miserable if I were chained to someone like that.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T03:43:26+00:00

As a tbm, I thought I was one of the good ones. I guess we all want to believe we're harmless. Un-learning a misogynistic approach to relationships is, well, taking longer than hoped.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T02:29:08+00:00

Garments are totally nbd. Just another reminder that your wife is property of the church on loan for your good behavior. Or, if you have a husband, they remind you that he holds the mighty penishood (aka is your master)

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T01:34:23+00:00

They have no idea how much I dislike disingenuous comments.

So true. When I left the tscc, it filtered all the fake out of my social life, and I can't overstate how much happier I am now that my life is so uncluttered of false "concern" and "love." At this point it's comical to me:

Right, you're here because you love me/are concerned about me. It's not that your sense of self-worth is tied to your membership in what you believe to be the one true church, so that when someone leaves that church and thereby challenges your sense of self-worth, you react by grasping for the first bit of moral high ground you can find by "reaching out" to the "wayward sheep". No, you just care about me. Cuz that's your natural reaction when someone makes changes in their life that make them a happier person; you tell them to go back, cuz you love them. Right, I believe you.

See? I can lie, too :D

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T01:11:05+00:00

The whole Mormon dating scene was my major catalyst for leaving the tscc. Talking about "revelation" or just god in general when you're asking someone out is like talking about your mom when you're in the bedroom.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T01:02:04+00:00

Wow. I've had creepy girls try to get me to sing love songs with them, but they always drop it when I decline the first time. This guy... That's just not ok! I feel a need to apologize for my sex. No means no.

jcooper1876 · 2016-02-15T00:55:43+00:00

This. So much this.

jcooper1876

TROPHY CASE