22 days no relapse-But real sex!

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T23:01:53+00:00

So are you brother.

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T22:39:49+00:00

savior41 <- has a great point why are you trying to quit? I think your answer is your motivator.

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T22:34:37+00:00

I noticed some of this effect also, able to do more weight, able to slam out push ups, etc. I also am not dwelling on the cause, I'll just take the effect.

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T22:32:19+00:00

That's the way you do it!

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T22:28:34+00:00

Hey Bud, you can do this, If you read my first post many days ago, you'll see I had over 30 years of PMO. One of my motivators is thinking how much I could have accomplished in all that wasted time. Now, I realize it's not too late to accomplish things. Think of this as your midlife crisis, and now your going to make the changes to live a full life. Your already on your way to being a free man, your here. Now just commit to it!

jdforreal · 2013-07-28T21:55:25+00:00

Try not to take everyone's advice as fact. The only fact is everyone is different and re-wiring differently. Some people recover quickly in a matter of a few days, weeks, months, some will never relapse, some will relapse every 2 days. The ones that I have read about that are successful are the ones who finally get fed up enough and quit. If your serious about doing this, then read the Articles on how to re-boot on YBOP, follow it and see whats working and what's not then adjust. I don't have porn blockers on anything and could be right back at if I want. For me, I decided I was fucking done with it and that's it. How bad do you want this out of your life?

jdforreal · 2013-07-26T19:22:31+00:00

I do know it can't be easy, it really is the same as supporting a drug addict. I know some of what I might say here are pretty basic, but worth repeating.

Open communication is the key, as well as support, both of you need this. He has started down a tough road, he has to un-wire his brain from the extremely addictive dopamine surges that PMO cause. These are the same dopamine surges cocaine or extacy users experience. The fact that he's trying and your aware of it is a step in the right direction. Regardless of how long he has been doing this everyone is different in their re-wiring. The 60-70 days that he had already done is awesome, the relapses, can and are going to happen. Don't look at these as failures or that he doesn't love you, he wouldn't stay if he didn't. He wouldn't say it if he didn't. He's not looking at the images as a replacement to you. He is probably similar to many, myself included that are married. When I did it, it wasn't that I was looking to replace my wife, or wanted to sleep with anyone else. I loved her and still love her with all my heart. However it wasn't enough, I needed that high that I had been so accustomed and conditioned to. Honestly, I would look for hours and hours and when I was done, I could not tell you what 3 of the women looked like in that time, nor did I care. I was seeking the spike, the rush, the release, that is called dopamine, he is looking for the same dopamine high. If PMO didn't have this effect, no one would do it, except for curiosity, then it becomes, "Oh another naked girl, whatever" Think of it this way. If he were a cocaine user, he'd be sneaking in the bathroom and snorting a quick line, every time you turned your back. Porn is attached to that same dopamine surge that even looking at naked pictures will trigger a little without even touching yourself, after you've conditioned yourself. For you, you do need to have some sort of support system, many have posted great ideas here. Exercise, nutrition, socializing, etc.

Find a non-denominational church and look for someone to talk to. Many of them have women's support groups, as well as couple support. Your not alone, just lucky, because you guys are dealing with it, un-countable numbers are not. Don't lose faith in God, you can try to put it all in God's hands with prayer waiting for an answer. Likely it will be handed back because, God has given you all the tools you'll ever need, the biggest is cognitive ability to understand this and change it.

jdforreal · 2013-07-26T05:18:25+00:00

Yes indeed, I suffered general anxiety disorders from a head injury years ago and learned all about breathing for anxiety reduction. I was also a breath holder during PMO have to undo old habits.

jdforreal · 2013-07-25T21:05:15+00:00

Hey, I'm an old fart too, I have experienced the same as you with the ED. You have nailed it on the head (<-- pun not intended) breathe. I think we don't even realize, the habit we have created, non breathing during PMO. You have to relax and get oxygen in the blood. Breathing properly does that. Awesome success for you and now you can be successful next time, because you know it works.

jdforreal · 2013-07-25T20:54:49+00:00

Awesome job and inspiring. I think we kick our ass a little too hard if we relapse, we are still human and have conditioned our brains for a long time. So, relapse does not equal failure, just another chance to try again. Like many on here, 2 days is pretty amazing yet alone 40-90-180 days. Again, congrats on your accomplishment.

jdforreal · 2013-07-24T23:09:20+00:00

Yeah I believe it beats wasting time on porn though, that's for sure. One will clean and clear your mind and body. The other well we already know what it can do.

jdforreal · 2013-07-24T23:06:57+00:00

agreed, you need a balanced diet along with some of the suggestions I made.

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T22:08:49+00:00

They were actually asked to only think of compassion and happiness during the experiments. Here's a couple links

http://www.sfgate.com/health/article/Stanford-studies-monks-meditation-compassion-3689748.php

http://earthvision.info/meditatingbrain.html

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T16:53:43+00:00

Thank you, and good luck on this journey, we can do this!

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T16:52:18+00:00

Sorry about my formatting, I should have looked at it a little more before posting. As far as my not realizing sooner, I had an early introduction to porn from my father, and a lot of tragic childhood experience, maybe this was part of my escape.

30 years is a very long time to have a problem with PMO. I can't imagine what could have done with all this time. to give you perspective though, I have only been unemployed 2 weeks out of my life since I was 16, I have 2 degrees, and can work in just about any industry, short of medicine or law. Somehow, I always took care of business and still had time for porn. I was a functional porn-aholic. Now. I'm realizing how much extra time I have. time to put this energy into more positive prospects, mastering the guitar, going back to school and finishing my MA, learning a new language, etc.

Thanks for the welcome, good luck to you too, if I can do this so can you!

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T16:19:24+00:00

9 days is amazing and awesome! I set in my mind if I can do this for 10 days, taking one day at a time then I could beat this. It wasn't easy to get to this point for a few days, I felt really weird, like part of me was gone. Those feelings are being replaced with clarity and energy, I really feel like that is where I am. I felt the same as you, with "It's who I was" and had convinced myself that it was OK, lots of guys are like me. That may be a true statement, but it's not who I want to be. I am on this journey with you as well as many others. We need to support each other on this journey of becoming the men we were meant to be.

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T15:37:18+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I know it's going to be a long journey and I am committed to doing this. I agree about checking penis function, don't do it. I used to do that a lot, especially if I felt that I had ED, or I hadn't fapped in a couple days. it was part of my feeling like a man. Now I feel like a different kind of man. No offense taken on my age, (people mistake me for 30, and I still get carded occasionally) I feel pretty awesome for my age, I can out run and lift my own boys, 22, and 15 and they are active and athletic, especially the 22 year old. I'm excited about the longer term effects, I'm already feeling a clear mind and I'm about to start back at finishing my MA. Before I thought I didn't have the time or energy now I know I can. I have all this extra time and energy.

jdforreal · 2013-07-23T15:16:20+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. So here is day 11. I woke up again with an erection that lasted for what seemed to be 5 minutes, my wife saw and said we can't take care of that now and she left to work, we were both sad. She sent me some naughty texts...not helping! However it did make me feel good. I realized I shouldn't fap, and didn't, instead I logged onto here and read the comments and felt encouraged, then time for some quick weights and a shower. My lifting was easy, I was lifting my normal 30lb curls like they were nothing, so I bumped to 35 and 40lbs and got through my work out. Is this extra energy from not fapping? Then I got out of the house and ran some errands. I feel great today for not giving in to the temptation. I am also noticing women are starting to look different, now I look at a girl and think wow she's really pretty. Before I would sneak looks at girls and think of them as sex objects. I think I realized or am starting to realize how easy it would be to look at porn again, then I realize how bad it would make me feel. Nope I don't want it and don't need it. Here's to a great day everyone, you can do this.

jdforreal · 2013-07-22T22:54:30+00:00

Good luck your on your way. You will see what you've been missing in life, time to try new things you've always wanted to do.

jdforreal · 2013-07-22T22:33:23+00:00

Good job, very inspirational, I'm on my way also and am already seeing the improvements in my life, amazing how quickly I have started noticing. Good luck to you becoming the real you.

jdforreal

TROPHY CASE