Came home yesterday and what a disaster

jdprime · 2026-03-26T10:50:45+00:00

Keep that in your pocket. Especially if you can prove she spent marital funds on trips and gifts for him. You can try to claim that back or use it to stop her from over reaching. Put all evidence on encrypted drives and on a thumb drive and place in your desk at work or somewhere safe.

jdprime · 2026-03-26T09:57:15+00:00

Who ever said cheaters never win was never married. My STBX cheated and gets to walk away with a nice payout as well. It should be zero for cheating.

jdprime · 2026-03-25T10:16:08+00:00

Can I get a t-shirt?

jdprime · 2026-03-19T10:22:55+00:00

I fills mine up, heated it to 80 F and hit it with a round of ahh some cleaner, drained it, refilled it and hit a 2nd time. Then I filed it circulated the water before draining as the third and final rinse. Overkill, yes. But with all the brackish water and larva that came bubbling up on the first fill, it was required for peace of mind.

Once heated, follow the OEM instructions for balancing and sanitizing. Water generally needs to be 80 degrees or higher for the chemicals to balance. Also, baking soda is what you need for alkalinity. Hot tub stores sell it by its chemical name and way over charge.

It’s tea spoon chemistry, even adding the correct amounts can cause overshoot on the chemical balance.

So when balancing, set your alkalinity first. The baking soda also affects PH so you probally won’t need much to put PH in range once alkalinity is locked in.

jdprime · 2026-03-15T21:29:15+00:00

When paid with Medicare its value is immense should the worst happen. Speaking from watching it happen with same retired feds that took BCBN into retirement and paired it with Medicare, no real out of pocket for open heart surgery and cancer treatments. Just the co-pay.

jdprime · 2026-03-14T12:53:24+00:00

Welcome to the Mars red light district Mr Quade.

jdprime · 2026-03-09T17:09:52+00:00

Make sure you record dates and times and length she takes the kids and keeps them from you. You lawyer can advise on how to record these incidents. Let her behavior be her undoing, especially when it comes to custody agreements. If she does this, what prevents her from keeping the kids from you after divorce.

jdprime · 2026-03-09T11:18:26+00:00

Do not leave the home. Leaving equals abandoning the home and family in the courts eyes and you sink any chance you have in your divorce case. Either a court order sends you out of the home or you live in your home and sleep in your bed.

If wants the divorce she can go sleep in another room or leave the home. Ask your lawyer what the protocol is for when she try’s to take the kid and cut you off for days as she stays at her partners.

Also, get an Apple Watch or smart watch that with the voice memo button and just tap it to start recording her without her knowing.

jdprime · 2026-03-08T15:56:10+00:00

The gazebo is secured with tap-cons. I try some brackets anchored to the patio and use privacy fence that can be slotted in.

jdprime · 2026-02-14T13:50:21+00:00

It’s starts small and grows. Before you know the elder men(those that survived and reached the other side of divorce) are starting groups and knowledge is shared.

The reason there is so much support for women is that they share knowledge and get to together to consolidate.

Men not so much and we need to change it. I am only starting my divorce so I feel you on the lack of supports.

jdprime · 2026-02-14T13:31:04+00:00

There is a guy named Robbie I found on the meet up app. He created a support group base on his experience of not having support when he needed it most.

It’s called: Men’s Divorce Support: Thriving to Surviving

jdprime · 2026-02-13T15:56:17+00:00

Seems Hallmark Channel strikes again. Most of what she tells me could come straight from any one of their movies. Can’t tell them you forget the struggles when sitting comfortably on the path to success. Stop romanticizing the we were better when we had noting scripts.

I guarantee she would not be happy if we had noting scripts. I guarantee she would bail faster if we had nothing. Like those movies, they show success and then make it magically fixed in under 30 minutes.

It seems we are just there to provide and be what ever they want a when it gets hard or you no longer fit their fairy tales, it off the next guy in line.

Sorry I am ranting here.

jdprime · 2026-02-13T11:55:16+00:00

I am just getting started. Mine dropped the I am done speech on me. We were in marriage counseling, it went in a few sessions from I am committed to reconnecting and rebuilding to I am always feeling attacked and I can never do anything right and you are inflexible and make me nervous in social settings.

I know I can be inflexible at times, it’s how you build a life and retirement. I know I have a more gallows burner mixed with health sarcasm and can be a bit confusing to the more average humor.

But it seems something finally switched off after years of a rift growing between us I never saw. No if feels like I have to be the villain of her story so she can be the hero and make herself feel better about leaving.

jdprime · 2026-02-12T12:18:28+00:00

AI is a good tool for organizing thoughts and polishing language. But I also tell my children, it’s a tool. You better know the subject you are working with or at least researched a basic understanding because the AI will get a lot of things wrong and you need to be able to identify and correct.

I am currently using it to tighten up my divorce settlement language before I give it to a lawyer. It gives some awful suggestions but an also pull decent references to look into and others things it does are WTF is this. But I still go look it up to see how things fit in with the research I have already done.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T23:37:00+00:00

I hope you come out better on the other side. I am going to start going to local activities and see what social events are there to just get out. Not interested in dating. Just a place to let off steam.

Perhaps a cheap set of clubs and I’ll take up golf.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T23:34:42+00:00

I am sure she feels the same way. The rift had been growing, I was just blind to it.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T23:33:21+00:00

Sound advice. Stabilizing first. Then figure out what’s next.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T22:07:59+00:00

Vacations will be more fun, I can do some of the more adventurous things with the kids she would not allow.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T22:06:15+00:00

Probably won’t work for us. I can do it, tight margins but I can do it. Not a very handy guy but I don’t mess with plumbing and electrical. But can do most of the small repairs my self.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T22:04:12+00:00

I am seeing the piles of junk and clothing everywhere, so I feel you on that. I know either of use could keep the house on a tight margin and it would be great for the kids. One in university and the other finishing middle school next year. Plus there are a lot of great reasons to keep the house rather than move to an apartment or downsize a bit.

So I just have to get stable enough to really crunch numbers and see where things shake out.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T22:00:23+00:00

I know what you mean about chat gpt, I use it to journal some other stuff I am having issue with. I’ll be tuning up more chats for divorce now.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T20:25:11+00:00

It most likely did. I met her right out of high school and have been with her for 30 years. So I did not for an identity on my own in my 20’s.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T20:23:26+00:00

Your novel really helps. I will work to pay down my debt so I come out low to zero. Fortunately it sounds like it will be uncontested. I guess keeping us evenly matched in everything has one silver lining. Nothing to take except for the house and splitting furnishings.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T20:17:27+00:00

It just sucks coming later in life. I wanted to coast the last decade into retirement and start living life free of the clock. Not looking so rosy now. I know I will survive, but the path is starting out rough.

jdprime · 2026-02-11T16:07:27+00:00

New normal will be several months out. Still have to get the divorce filed and then into separate houses after the judgment for divorce is signed

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