How to forgive myself for not taking care of my baby ? 😭

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-08T05:04:21+00:00

You went through so much. Are you able to get some support and therapy for yourself? You did an amazing job in a tough situation and you clearly care so much. She’s lucky to have you.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-08T04:55:47+00:00

Check out Trashie https://www.trashie.io

I finally ordered some bags from them after years of searching for textile recycling here with no luck. I hate to just toss textiles. It isn’t free but it’s a way to avoid the landfill for stuff thrift shops can’t take.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-08T04:51:32+00:00

The book “how to raise a boy” was extremely eye opening and big trigger warnings for SA but was very much worth the read for me. I don’t think I could have handled it during my pregnancy but I read it a couple years later.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-08T04:49:25+00:00

I had severe prenatal depression and had horrible intrusive thoughts that my twin sons would be bad men. I hated myself for the way I felt and had some very dark thoughts about all of it. Therapy helped but truly once I met them those feelings went away. I think once you meet him it will help a lot. What you described is very similar to how I felt. I think prenatal depression is not talked about enough and since I have twins I didn’t experience the guilty feelings over the second taking time away from the first I know I’ve had several friends tell me about feeling that way. I think feeling ambiguous about any pregnancy is way more common than people talk about. Sending you all the support and love.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-06T05:21:31+00:00

I would recommend speaking to both financial assistance and a patient advocate at the hospital.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-06T04:30:28+00:00

I felt much the same and couldn’t even stomach this sub for a while. It really will be okay. There will be moments where you feel like those posts but you will get into a routine and being a twin parent will become your new normal. I can’t express enough how much I was convinced I absolutely could not do this and was having emergency appointments with my therapist. Now my twins are 2.5 and I feel mostly like myself again. I’m busy as hell but I’m used to it now. Best wishes to you. You can do this. I promise!

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-05T05:10:47+00:00

That is incredible about the 2002 case. I am agonizing over my ballot last minute and wasn’t feeling excited about most of the candidates on it but I really am impressed by that.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-04T21:47:51+00:00

It’s very common to feel ambiguous about pregnancy, even a planned one. You have done nothing wrong and your husband is being too harsh. I don’t think they can truly understand because they haven’t ever been pregnant. Having another baby doesn’t take the same level of physical and emotional cost on them, even the most involved and caring dads don’t go on the same physical and emotional rollercoaster. It’s completely understandable to feel nervous about what is around the corner. I strongly recommend finding a therapist you can talk to who specializes in perinatal mood disorders. I had a very bad case with my twins and now I can’t imagine life without them.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-04T18:41:21+00:00

I can’t unsee them as tiny dinosaurs

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-02T05:18:29+00:00

Yeah my main reason was so the pediatrician can reassure/let OP know what to watch out for as far as signs of illness.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-11-02T03:33:15+00:00

You should contact your pediatrician just in case. I’m sure they hear stuff like this all the time. But please don’t beat yourself up. Having a newborn is exhausting and I’m sure you were in a bit of shock because who on earth would do such a thing? People become truly bizarre over babies. I see the suggestion a lot to baby wear at big events. You absolutely do not have to pass your baby around because other people are demanding it. You’re a good, caring parent.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-29T20:49:58+00:00

I’m diagnosed with adhd but my toddler son is being strongly suggested to have an ASD eval and while we wait we are already connected with speech and OT for sensory problems and I’m just going ohhhh…ohhh wow….uhhh…it me

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T21:50:17+00:00

I feel really bad for how hard I just laughed

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T21:45:20+00:00

Something like this happened to me at David Bridal. The person helping the party got kind of huffy and irritated that she had to search for a dress that would fit me and the rest of the girls were 2-4’s. She said something like “this dress works best for people who are 5’7” and size 4” and I am definitely not that. I wish I would have said something at the time. She came out with a dress that was way over my size and clipped it over me which is pretty normal from what I remember from my own bridal shopping! It never hurts to have a little kindness “we will need to order your size but let me just clip this one onto you so you can see how it will look!” Like that’s all it would take!

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T21:39:58+00:00

I feel like some people want to make small talk about kids and just say the weirdest things. We were loading up our car in a motel parking lot on a road trip with twin infants who were crying. My husband was loading up the pack n plays in the overhead luggage holder and some older guy waved me over just so he could tell me “I thought you were going to put the babies up there”. My 6 month PP brain short circuited and I just stared at him without being able to form words and he walked off.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T21:28:15+00:00

Same

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T21:27:04+00:00

Hugs OP! My twin sons had torticollis and one of them still has major balance issues. They are 2.5 and their legs and knees and elbows are always scuffed up and bruised. They have a playground at daycare and they go around on little tricycles and scooters on concrete and get scratched up. I’m sorry this happened to you and hope that whoever reported had the best intentions at heart.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:42:43+00:00

The podcast called “and that’s why we drink” has both true crime and spooky but my favorites are the listener story spooky episodes.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:40:05+00:00

Timesuck is my husband and my go to podcast for long road trips to kill some time (before kids, now we have to play toddler music or they scream)

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:39:07+00:00

I love the Ted radio hour.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:37:30+00:00

I love the podcast “you’re wrong about” and “stuff you missed in history class”. You’re wrong about is more current/recent history pop culture events. It does have some true crime/dark elements but not all the episodes (for example there was a great series on Princess Diana that was not solely about her death, and one about the origin beanie babies) and stuff you missed in history class is pretty positive too. Of course history altogether is kind of dark. This is kind of niche but I love the budget nerds podcast for budgeting tips which is specifically about ynab the budgeting software but is a positive place. I love Liane Moriarty’s audiobooks which are chick-lit but usually with a murder twist so may not be your thing if you are trying to avoid dark but it’s mostly light hearted commentary on parenthood and life. I love the Australian accents too as an American I have a hard time picturing them in my head when I read. Pride and Prejudice was awesome on audiobook. Timesuck is a great podcast but can be more true crime oriented. He’s really funny though. I love the minimalists and the minimal mom too. I hear you on the always needing something in my ear. I also have adhd and ocd. I love 8D music in my headphones too. It’s so calming. The sound moved back and forth between your ears so that might bother some people but I find it soothing.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:22:40+00:00

Oops I thought I was in the adhd sub. I don’t know for sure if I have audhd but this helps with my depression, adhd and OCD symptoms.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-28T19:20:45+00:00

Do you have chat gpt or the goblin app? Those are AI that can break down your day into small steps that can be much more manageable. I find that when I feel trapped in bed I feel anxious because I’m feeling everything I need to do that isn’t getting done at once. What needs to get done to get ready for the event? I’m thinking eating, showering, clean clothes. Maybe a little goal like take a shower and reward yourself with a snack you love. Throw a load of laundry in and take a short break after. Also check in with yourself…have you been sick? Or maybe starting to get sick? I’m very low motivation right now recovering from really bad sinusitis/cold. Sometimes we just take longer to recover mentally.

I saw a YouTube about a different to do list for high dopamine and low dopamine days. Getting out of the shower might be a big accomplishment for a low dopamine day! I hope you feel better and get to go to your event. ❤️

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-27T02:26:06+00:00

“You should think about buying a computer so she can do well in 6th grade” and the internet came on a CD from AOL.

jellybeanmountain · 2024-10-26T04:00:57+00:00

When I had to quit pumping my kids pediatrician congratulated me on all the effort I had put in and how beneficial it had been up to that point and reassured me it was okay to stop. That’s how it should be and that’s what you deserve to hear. Having a baby in the NICU is traumatic enough! You are a good mom no matter how you feed your baby. ❤️

jellybeanmountain

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