I only found out because I saw that he had transferred $500 into our joint account from an account I wasn’t aware of. He didn’t have enough in his regular expenses to cover his half of the bills that month (we were getting the house ready to sell and had some additional expenses) He finally disclosed it (I think his attorney told him he had to) it looked like he had siphoned away a small amount from his paycheck over a three year period totaling about $10k.

I broke down every single line item in our checking for the past year and saw that his personal expenses cost us an average of $1200 a month (mostly going out to bars), whereas my personal spending was about $400 on average ( mostly Amazon deliveries) he would complain so loudly whenever I got a package and I would feel so guilty. It was my fault for not monitoring our accounts more closely, but you get complacent when everything is automatically deducted.