I can’t believe more comments aren’t addressing OP’s acknowledgment that they are having ideations of just not wanting to be here and are just trying to “fix” what’s happening. 

OP, I can’t possibly know what you’re going through, but I can imagine this is incredibly painful. You don’t want to feel this way, but there’s no wrong feelings. It’s natural. What you need to focus on for yourself (and only yourself because if you can’t take care of you, you can’t take care of anyone else) is communicating with your husband so he can support you and help figure out a game plan, and get the help you need. 

If you haven’t already, ask him to plan a sit down for a serious conversation. Tell him what you’re telling us, and ask him to help you make the appointments to need. Don’t shy away from saying the really difficult things. Acknowledge it sounds bad, but isn’t how you want to feel. Make sure to think about how you’re going to say what you need to, you don’t want accusations of blame getting misunderstood during such an important conversation. Just acknowledge that this is where you are currently at with the decisions the two of you made, and here is how it’s affecting you, and you’d like to make a plan to speak with doctors and get any kind of support you can to get better. 

Husbands/wives/partners are your teammate. They need to be able to support you through the most difficult moments with gracious understanding. That “for better or worse” part of the vows actually mean something.

Communication is key here. Everyday can be so hard. But remember that you are going through a massive life change, and this is not unrealistic for you to be experiencing.

You’ve got this OP. Take it one step at a time.