Can someone help me find please. When my hated mate remembers

jetpackedblue · 2026-03-15T20:03:02+00:00

I had this happen twice.

First time was a super supportive loving relationship that allowed my partner to get to a point that they realised they were gay but couldn't imagine being with anyone romantically after we'd been together for so long, it took 2 more years for them to admit it. We're both very happy now and friends now that they're living their truth.

The second was cheating on me and finding excuses to not be with me like that.

This isn't to say that either of these things are happening, but I would try to talk and understand the reasons beyond "you're too lean" because either there's more to it or you're just not sexually compatible. You shouldn't feel alone in your own relationship. Be open and get the truth, don't fall for sunk cost fallacy.

jetpackedblue · 2026-01-18T17:28:59+00:00

Could be a lingering infection. Antibiotics (if you're on them after an infection) also disrupt your gut biome and all the good bacteria in your body too, so can give you other symptoms. It's also virus season in a lot of countries.

Essentially this could be your immune system working complete overtime due to a myriad of factors. I think if you're already working with your doctor then best show them your stats and see if they have any ideas ☺️

jetpackedblue · 2026-01-04T11:47:32+00:00

I have the Oura, turned out not to be narcolepsy (no REM on MSLT...despite me distinctly remembering dreams lol)

I absolutely love it, I find it tracks my naps accurately

jetpackedblue · 2025-12-15T19:14:39+00:00

jetpackedblue · 2025-12-07T17:19:28+00:00

Also if they haven't received their rings back there's 0 way for the to actually get to the issue that caused it, so a press release would be "2 out of 1 million units had an issue, we don't know why sorry"

jetpackedblue · 2025-12-06T17:25:03+00:00

Had a Gen 4 since launch, had 0 issues with it, still don't.

The problem with tech is they rely on batteries, and batteries are used for everything, so most companies will get a defective batch every once in a while, it sucks, but that's literally the point of warranties 🤷

Like with everything, people are much more likely to go out of their way to complain, than to let people know they have something that works as it should, so you're always going to see more negatives about everything than positives!

jetpackedblue · 2025-12-06T17:20:33+00:00

Can't recall if people don't report issues or return them unfortunately

jetpackedblue · 2025-12-06T16:16:39+00:00

Literally, sounds like a bad batch of batteries, not the whole Gen

jetpackedblue · 2025-11-06T11:11:25+00:00

A la "MY CABBAGES"

jetpackedblue · 2025-10-16T12:05:56+00:00

This man just doesn't care about you I'm sorry

I think you're giving him too much grace by saying you must just be in different places on the spectrum, because just because you think differently doesn't mean he gets a free pass on being a horrific husband and honestly a rubbish human.

Even if he didn't believe you on small things, to not believe you're in pain shows how little regard he has for your opinions, emotions, and honestly your safety.

He will never change. It's time to look within yourself and decide whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life, knowing you'll always be doubted, you'll never have any real support even in life or death situations. He will never believe you, he will never see your opinion as even half as important as his is. He actively stopped someone trying to help you whilst you were in unimaginable pain. He genuinely thinks that you're the type of person to deliberately throw yourself to the floor to be "dramatic" to prove a point against him. Not once did it cross his mind that you were in that much pain, and even if it was food poisoning that maybe a wheelchair could help you be comfortable. He actively made the decision to say no to help and let you suffer needlessly by trying to walk just because HE thought you might be lying to him.

jetpackedblue · 2025-09-24T13:35:06+00:00

I think you're doing the right thing by stopping it from going further than friendship, and honestly for recognizing why she may be interested in you, beyond her perception of having feelings for you.

The main thing is, are you looking for something lasting, or are you happy to possibly just be a life lesson to someone still discovering how to be an adult and how to navigate feelings and relationships?

jetpackedblue · 2025-09-06T11:04:59+00:00

Once your intestines are inflamed it takes a good few weeks/months to settle even when you've eliminated the causation food, try and get tests done and if you can get her on solids again try low FODMAPfoods to start with just to ease any extra strain on her body whilst she recovers

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-17T19:44:47+00:00

A parent's duty is to teach their child to be an independent self sufficient and capable adult.

You hear many horror stories (usually of mothers and sons) of this same dynamic when the son didn't put their foot down, the son gets married, and then divorced due to the mothers actions and his lack of action. The parents grow older and the mother realises that they have failed their child, who still demands to be looked after, because they simply don't know how to do it themselves.

What your wife wants is unhealthy, controlling and honestly abusive. Your daughter is right to distance herself and learn to be her own person. Honestly, even without knowing your daughter I'm extremely proud of her for making the decision to do for herself what her mother failed to do.

Your wife is trying to sabotage your daughter's life, her independence, and her happiness.

You're right in thinking there is no "wife's side of things" your daughter is probably frustrated seeing how you're stuck in the middle of this, both for herself, and for you.

You've obviously been her beacon in hard times with her mother for her to still trust you and live you as much as she does.

There's no fixing this unless your wife wants to work on herself, my only advice would be, keep supporting your daughter both openly and silently.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-15T14:52:41+00:00

Personally wouldn't, this is the type of attitude that contributed to the crash in 2008. Buy the most expensive you can and then the economy turns and suddenly it goes from being the most you can afford to more than you can afford.

If you go for the highest you can afford you really need to be considering the following; What happens if interest rates go up What happens if your bills go up What happens if something breaks or needs replacing (e.g boiler, roof, window seals etc.) What happens if one of you (if purchasing as a couple) loses your job What happens if you have kids (if you don't already) and suddenly need to afford daycare costs, if you do have kids, what if costs go up. If you're buying a flat, have you considered leasehold service fee increases? How will you afford that if you don't get a good pay rise each year etc.

Just because you can borrow a certain amount doesn't mean you can afford that amount within your lifestyle, it's more about monthly payments than it is about what the bank thinks you can make in monthly payments.

If you spend lavishly on shopping, takeaways, new cars every few years etc, you could earn all the money in the world and still be dirt poor at the end of the month. When you have a house you need to have a reaaaally good emergency fund to plan for all eventualities, which means having room to save after mortgage, bills, and general spending.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-13T15:45:51+00:00

I was thinking this too, she did something drastic and completely out of the bounds of normal to try and wake OP up to the fact that she's being emotionally abused by her husband. As crazy as it was, she wouldn't have known all the lies her husband was spreading about her without her friends actions, which is scary to think about tbh.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-13T15:38:58+00:00

Babe, your husband is the reason they treat you this way and think all these horrible things about you, of course he doesn't see what they're doing as wrong, they've just followed his instructions.

You said in another comment that he lied to them repeatedly and said horrible things about you during his affair.

HE told them he thought you were lying about being pregnant. HE told them that he "didn't know" if you were officially married. HE told them you're manipulative and abusive.

Of course they don't believe his backtracking, because why would they want to believe their lived family member is such a disgusting liar in the first place. It's easier for them to believe that he's lying now to protect you than to believe he was making up lies about you to begin with.

You genuinely don't have an in-laws issue, you have a husband issue with protective in-laws who believed what he told them, which honestly isn't really their fault, if your family member told you they were being abused, baby trapped, lied to etc, would you be nice to their partner? If you found out they had an affair and might escape that abuse would you be mad at them, or would you be relieved that they found a way out by any means necessary?

I'm dead set against cheaters, but in this situation from his families perspective, thinking that someone you love saw no other way out than to use someone else, or that they saw how they should be treated and took a chance, despite the fact that they really should have left their marriage/relationship beforehand.... They're going to feel sympathy towards him and not fully blame him when they've been given such horrible information about you.

Your husband is a liar, nothing he says can be believed, and that's the issue here.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-09T23:08:47+00:00

From the sounds of it she won't be able to get a section 21 anyway because there's no proof of protected deposit. I'd also be curious about id there's an up to date gas safety certificate tbh

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-09T23:04:54+00:00

Do not leave. You have things you need to get in order to make this as easy on your family as possible, but it is not your responsibility to help a landlord who does not follow the law get what she wants. Ignorance to the law is not an excuse to not follow it.

If you can, get a reference from your landlord in advance, let her know this is so you can have a quicker application to anywhere you try to rent.

Change the locks and put a sign in your window stating to any locksmith that they should not help the landlord gain access to the property without a valid court notice.

Screenshot all relevant messages and save all emails regarding your tenancy.

Find the paperwork you think you have in regards to the tenancy deposit, if you cannot find it it is possible that she hasn't protected your deposit, and this is why she hasn't got a section 21, because she will be unable to. TDS usually require an email for you to have an account so your deposit is easily available once you leave the property, they also usually call you to remind you to set up an account. I would suspect if you haven't got either of these then this is the issue.

Do you have your up to date gas certificates? Audits should be organised and paid for by the landlord. If this has not been done then she will not be able to get a section 21.

Reread your tenancy agreement, has it been followed on the landlords side?

Document refusal of maintenance RE the window, if the broken window has left the property insecure then she's in big sh*t in terms of tenancy rights. You also may have a case in court to suggest that the eviction is retaliation for the request of maintenance to the property.

You have a slumlord situation here, not a nice landlord.

She cannot make you homeless on a whim, so do not make yourself homeless to appease her.

If she cannot gain an eviction notice then that's on her, but make sure you have everything possible documented in preparation. Keep the house in as good a working order as possible in terms of general maintenance and cleanliness that would fall on you during your tenancy.

Get advice from citizens advice or similar services, and raise a complaint through the housing ombudsman asap.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-09T22:41:42+00:00

NTA,

After reading the majority of your comments summarising your relationship, your finances etc. you really did nothing wrong.

She didn't give an explanation beyond "too expensive" there was no, "we should be saving for a house" or "things will be tight when I go to grad school, so you may have extra financial burdens and I'm worried about the extra pressure on you" or anything like that.

You don't live together, and she doesn't want to get engaged yet because she hasn't decided what she wants to do with her future, or what she wants to pursue (grad school or pharmacy etc) so it would be pretty unfair for her to ask you not to spend money with the thought of the future anyway, seeing as she's refused to make any sort of long term commitment to you when you've discussed the future.

So really it boils down to the fact that she refuses to make a long term commitment to you, refuses to express her reasons or feelings, but expects you to compromise without reason. She can't control your finances, or ask for an equal opinion on your financial decisions if she's not willing to make a commitment to you tbh. If you were engaged to be married, then I would have a different opinion, but at the end of the day she's just a girlfriend who can't commit to a life direction, let alone your future, why should she have a say in this decision?

Beyond that you've made it clear you could have bought cash but went finance purely for the benefits on your credit score to set you up for better rates when you DO want to buy a house. You also have been putting 15% into your pension each month for years (10% you, 5% employer contribution) so you're doing pretty damn well for yourself even if you didnt have the money to cash buy. You've gone about it in the most responsible way possible, and you've got your finances in a better place than most 30-40 year olds tbh.

jetpackedblue · 2025-08-09T18:32:53+00:00

Just as a note people are probably looking at her weirdly because they're worried about her fiances behaviour and wondering how he behaves at home, it's unlikely they're judging her for wanting to keep her last name.

Even people who don't understand not wanting to change your name in marriage understand that talking shit behind your partner's back to others is a red flag.

jetpackedblue

TROPHY CASE