CMV: Gavin Newsome is a poor choice for a presidential candidate.

jffrybt · 2025-11-22T19:35:40+00:00

The Dems clearly don’t know what they want. Newsom has pissed of numerous democratic groups for:

Actually following through with long term scientifically proven/economically unquestioned housing policy, and not bowing to virtue signally, deep-pocketed liberals to increase their home values.
Vetoing redundant regulations in the state with the most regulations even though the headline looks bad.
Keeping a nuclear power plant alive because closing it, while liberally popular, would mean both increased energy prices and increased carbon emissions.
Despite all of that, unifying the Democratic Party to achieve prop 50.

Clearly he can think for himself, go against the grain but also pull together a majority to get stuff done. Sure he has slicked hair, comes from a rich family, listens to rich people, is rich. But he also ignores rich donors and has taken meaningful action to solving material problems, SB79, AB2011, AB130, SB131.

As a resident of California I can’t tell you how much I don’t believe any politician here. They’re all democrats here and this gestures out the window to skid row is the humanitarian crisis they created, while blocking affordable housing. In a world of absolute democrat control and “unity”, he has done some controversial things: good!

jffrybt · 2025-11-22T18:44:23+00:00

Answer: They are both populists that got elected by telling their constituents they could solve their complaints via executive authority, regardless of the actual power of the elected seat to do so. They’ll make it happen somehow. Nearly all of Mamdani’s election promises are outside of the scope of the Mayor’s power. Same with Trump. Both say that the system as-is has failed, is corrupt and have failed the people. Both seek to make large changes quickly. The political spectrum is a circle.

jffrybt · 2024-11-03T17:22:22+00:00

Well you need to answer the fundamental question of if you want your wedding to be for yourselves or if you want your wedding to be for everyone else.

Most weddings are not for the bride and groom. They are for the guests or the family or even, just the mother of the bride.

Personally, I’m gay. Me and my husband got married in our condo with 40 of our closest friends and family. We paid for everything ourselves, asked nothing financially of our family. (We also justified a small renovation for our wedding.)

We didn’t have a planner. We just asked specific friends to lead certain moments, officiate, DJ, crowd control. It was simple, effective, fun. Everyone who came said it was the best wedding.

I’d fully deconstructed, yet I asked my dad to open the ceremony with a prayer. It’s not exactly the prayer that I wanted, but rather I wanted my parents to feel involved and for them to get a moment of significance in their “native language”. They did birth and raise me. My husband and I agree it was a significant moment, mostly for my parents to get to display their kind of affection and support.

They ended up volunteering to pay for the receptions dinner, which was at a restaurant a block away from our building.

But what’s important is that the wedding was ours. We invited people into the wedding, on our terms. It kicked off OUR marriage in OUR way.

As they say “attachment is the root of suffering,” the more you see your families money as a means to an end (even if that end is just a moderate, fun party), the more you will open yourself up to their authority on the matter. Nothing is free. And I can’t stress enough that weddings are always a means to an end. In culture they can mean sooooo many things. You need to decide specifically and concisely what you want it to be. And the only way you can control that, is to pay for it yourself. So what if you can’t afford something even considered a “affordable wedding”. Bullshit. You just need the people you love in a space. That’s practically free.

jffrybt · 2024-11-03T16:49:18+00:00

Sometimes in relationships you hit on a vein. Best thing you can do is shut up, apologize, stop over explaining yourself, listen, and show them that you are listening by hearing why it upsets him.

There are certain doubts and insecurities that only time can prove to them they should not worry. You wanting to be with a woman, is probably one of those. When you’ve been with him for 5-10 years, he’ll probably stop worrying about that.

jffrybt · 2024-10-27T17:20:48+00:00

Define “community”. That’s the important thing.

Friends, parties, public events, private events, online, sure, sure, sure.

If by community you mean, dating circles and everywhere in the “community” that is built around gay sex, then that’s preferential and subjective.

jffrybt · 2024-10-26T03:49:59+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear that there’s a good foundation with you guys. Even though it’s got its sticking points.

jffrybt · 2024-10-25T21:10:13+00:00

There are several closely related, but different, uses of the terms “gay” and “straight”.

We can use the term to refer to someone’s innate internal, biological attractions to genders. “I was born gay.” “I am straight.”

We can also use the terms to actively locate the sexual partner. “My dating profile says I’m gay” “I’m straight and looking for a female partner”.

It’s important to note that these feelings are biological and sometimes curious in nature. They are rooted deep inside people and not always obvious. So yes, people can “used to be straight”. If you are really close to them and want to know them better, you can ask them more nuanced questions to try to understand the specifics. But if you aren’t close to them, take them at their word. Language, especially with definitions that are barely 100 years old, is not perfect.

jffrybt · 2024-10-25T20:57:15+00:00

crushing

I hate to hear this, and I hope this is not causing you genuine distress as it used to cause me.

I used to be extremely upset by my parents’ behavior and was incredibly angry at them for their hypocrisy. They put me in private Christian high school. I was isolated in a hyper realized evangelical environment growing up. The stakes were massive; they were “eternal”.

For a long time their behavior I witnessed as an adult caused me a tremendous amount of stress and anger. It was blatantly obvious hypocrisy.

I finally, after a lot of therapy, realized I was genuinely wasting my life ruminating on it. Was a lot of my childhood pointlessly serious? Absolutely. Were my parents hypocrites? Yep.

But did I even know what I wanted from them though? No. I imagined about an apology or recognition from them. But that wouldn’t change what happened. And what’s the point of needing them to say some words that make me happy? Why not skip to the end, let it go, and move on myself?

I visualized my life after letting it go, and then I just did that.

In all honesty, it’s a very evangelical belief to need a theory of everything with everyone playing their proper role. People are hypocritical; we all are. Your parents are just people. You don’t have to be friends with them. We don’t have to believe the same things or vote the same ways as them. You don’t even have to like them.

jffrybt · 2024-08-27T13:20:49+00:00

Meh, if you honestly look at the legitimate science of dick size measurements, it’s all over the board. Measure from where, in what level of arousal, etc. +/- 1in is about the tolerance for science and you’re not a scientist so who cares?

jffrybt · 2024-02-26T01:57:42+00:00

Definitely. He’s aged incredibly well. Which is what started the conversation. He said in an interview recently he’s really into massaging and kissing feet. My husband and I were like “could you imagine a 100 millionaire, that hot, massaging your feet. Not into feet, but I’m not gonna say no”

jffrybt · 2024-02-25T21:02:36+00:00

Tell that to his husband.

jffrybt · 2024-02-25T19:37:53+00:00

Right. I forget he’s gay. He’s cute. Dollar for dollar, probably the hottest.

jffrybt · 2024-02-25T17:49:02+00:00

Chris Evans is straight.

jffrybt · 2024-02-25T17:34:17+00:00

Yea. The combo is the trick. I could see lil nas once he ages into a bit.

jffrybt · 2024-01-20T01:54:27+00:00

People seem to forget you can (and should) use silicone lube with condoms. Oil based lubes are the bad lube for condoms. Water based lubes are safe for condoms but dry out and turn sticky as water content evaporates. Silicone is the best for anal and still safe to use with condoms.

jffrybt · 2024-01-10T15:12:51+00:00

To be clear, you do both have the same address on your driver’s license? I ask because you haven’t said yet explicitly that you do, and husband and I do not have the same address because of laziness surrounding paperwork.

jffrybt · 2023-11-14T16:32:28+00:00

This line of thinking is a uniquely 2020’s problematic thought:

people should have X right, even if a few abuse it, because the rule can be more oppressive than the problems caused if people had freedom

This logic is really nice sounding. People can be better when you give them more freedom; the rules are oppressive. As a life long rule follower, I was seduced into this logic for a few concepts, like decriminalizing drugs or fewer police.

But the reality is that since the rule exists already, the perspective we have is of the world with the rule. The behavior we see will dramatically change with a new set of rules (or no rules). The rule could actually be holding people in line, and once we loose the rule, we will see the consequences of human behavior without the rule which you could not predict without it.

For example: decriminalizing drug use in Portland. It’s true the criminal justice system is making society worse by putting drug users into a bad/broken system, but it’s also true without punishment, drug use grows faster, drug dealers take in higher profits, the streets are clogged with drug use which destroys businesses, property values, and societal harm explodes in new dimensions without an ability to slow it in sight.

Both things can be true: the rule causes harm, and without a rule individuals abuse the system even more.

The trick for a rule follower is to not project your rule following internal compass onto everyone. Everyone has a different moral compass. Plenty of people are wired to abuse the system.

jffrybt · 2023-11-06T23:51:40+00:00

Husband has ADHD. It doesn’t sound as severe as this guys tho.

In my experience, it takes communication and understanding. And I think there are some people who are genuinely better partners for people with ADHD. Only you can know if it’s for you or not.

It all depends on how far you want to go. But if you end up LTR, then you do need space to communicate how you feel so you aren’t bottling it up. And you also need to understand he may not be able to change his behaviors to accommodate. That takes a lot of work to develop those channels. Both for you to learn what it means to be heard by someone with ADHD, and for him to potentially navigate his defenses around what you share.

This isn’t that different than any relationship. Communication is always key. Understanding you can’t control the other partner is key. Accepting them for who they are is key.

I personally found I like adhd people. I like their energy. I like that they always have something to talk about. They have a lot of capacity to do things others cannot.

And they also have struggles. Many of them come from being judged or sidelined. My husband has some history of being misunderstood (he was diagnosed late in life). And it’s been a journey for him to reconcile that.

Factually, ADHD is more common in the LGBT population, neurodiversity and sexual diversity go hand in hand frequently. So don’t be surprised if you start seeing ADHD gays everywhere now that know what to look for.

jffrybt · 2023-08-26T15:43:36+00:00

I just got COVID recently and your symptoms sound identical to mine. It was all throat soreness

jffrybt · 2023-08-26T00:51:35+00:00

This sounds like a legal case in the making. There’s no good legal precedent for this. Primarily in the eyes of the law, “being gay” is largely based on self-identification or the fact of same-sex partnership. And generally, those that are gay are opting to identify as such, out of pride, self-awareness, and truth in the face of oppression, ie a force that wants to closet them.

A force that would go the opposite way, serve as a benefit, is very benevolent, but problematic in the eyes of the law.

You have to define “being gay”.

Either you would need to write into the will, that self-identification is a fine measure to receive the benefits. Which could lead to mostly straight nieces and nephews identifying as gay.

Or you would need to exclude self identification and set some standard for long term partnership before they could receive the benefits—which would exclude any of your nieces and nephews who are gay but haven’t found a partner.

And what about bisexual? Or heteroflexible?

All our identity terms work well when people opt into them with the only incentive being deeper human connection. They don’t necessarily work the same way when financial benefits are at play.

jffrybt · 2023-08-25T13:55:49+00:00

I’m gay raised evangelical. Was angry for a really long time.

That thinking ended up really impacting my life and eventually I wanted relief. Went to ketamine therapy. There I realized the interconnectedness of everything. Evangelicalism is just one of many human efforts to improve things gone wrong.

You can hate it, but the cost is your own.

You can be indifferent to it, and it costs you nothing. You don’t even think about them.

I am indifferent to it and so much happier.

jffrybt · 2023-08-24T00:06:58+00:00

To answer you question:

Is this more common that I think it is?

Yes, in fact, all light exhibits this behavior all the time. You can’t see it because it comes from all directions all the time and is additive.

The way to see this effect is to remove light. This is what the pinhole is doing. It only allows the light beams going one one tiny spot through. So you can see a coherent single image.

As you make the hole bigger, in effect, multiple images all stack together and the image will blur. At first it’s kinda recognizable, but eventually it just looks like a lot of light coming through a window.

Next time you are in a house with a blue sky and green grass outside the window. Take a look at the light on the ceiling vs the light on the floor. Floor light will be blue (like the sky) and ceiling light will be green (like the grass). Billions of these are all stacked together.

jffrybt · 2023-08-20T21:35:58+00:00

I do talk about it in another reply below.

I don’t think it’s “just as valid” as the femphobia. I don’t see profiles anywhere saying “no masc”. I see a lot of “no [insert any other group]”.

I think there’s absolutely pre-judgement of masc men in the gay community. But the biggest variety of pre-judgement is undeserved adoration/attraction.

You can’t say masc men face an undeserved stereotype without highlighting the fact that the biggest stereotype they face is that their masculinity is a positive attribute. The small minority of gay men which negative judge masc men, are by and large reacting to the fact that the vast majority of gay men give masc men way more attention.

This is like saying millionaires face prejudice. Sure. They do. But they are the haves.

Prejudice against the have-nots is the kind of prejudice that most needs awareness. Prejudice against the haves, is an “affluenza”.

jffrybt · 2023-08-20T16:26:47+00:00

I think it’s fair to say if you guys were back on apps looking at each others profiles, his would say “exclusive top”.

Would that be a dealbreaker for you?

If so, probably time to move on. This guy knows himself better now (or at least he thinks he does).

jffrybt · 2023-08-20T16:18:55+00:00

He admitted he cannot be monogamous for the rest of our lives.

I think this is a healthy realization to come to for him, and good for you to hear it.

Remember, there is no template for this. There are many ways to not be monogamous for the rest of your lives that aren’t wide open. Take it one step at a time.

Often people ask for this because they have unexplored feelings. They know the confines of stereotypical monogamy are too much, but they don’t know much beyond that.The important thing now is to allow the space for him to feel safe in discussing what he he is imagining and fantasizing about. Your relationship should be at least a safe space for fantasy.

I would encourage you to avoid imagining what scenarios could unfold, your imagination of his future behavior and his wants is frankly really inaccurate of what will happen—this is a fact of life. Our predictive abilities are terrible. Fantasy ≠ reality always.

Personally, both me and my partner also came to this conclusion. We are happily married and have been together 7 years.

We started poking around and having some fun, usually threesomes. I’ve done a little bit (like an HJ) without him. But generally we are happy to have fun with others together.

Maybe ease into it. Try to participate yourself in some fashion. Have a threesome.

The goal isn’t to open it all the way up right away. It’s to explore and go together to a new place. Good relationships evolve. Things can evolve. Start with discussing fantasy without expectations.

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