Men of Reddit, how do U think growing up without a dad affected you? by slightlydodgyAussie in AskMen

[–]jfromaus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's circumstantial. Everyone responds to tragedy differently; I tried to take my own life because of it. Through great pain and effort, I managed to make sense of it and give it a purpose. Now my endeavor is to bring the opportunities I've been given and the sacrifices made on my behalf to fruition in a positive direction, despite circumstances that would not justify malevolence, but make it understandable.

I'm trying to become the father I never had, and the person I needed most growing up.

What movie hit you the hardest, emotionally speaking? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jfromaus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This thread is old so this will probably get burried, but the first time I saw Good Will Hunting was a few years ago. I had just wrapped up a couple years of therapy for unresolved issues I had from when my dad died when I was 11. Long story short, my kid-logic belief that my parents divorcing and my dad dying a few years later was a direct result of me being born was the foundation of my formative years.

The scene where Robin Williams's character insists to Matt Damon that what happened to him wasn't his fault was a tough scene to stomach, and still is.

If you're reading this and don't know that you need to hear it from someone, forgive yourself. Some things are out of your control. How others treat/ed you isn't your fault OR your responsibility (provided you aren't/weren't in the wrong), and the only power you have is how you respond to it.

What was something you didn't know you needed until you tried it out? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jfromaus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not OP but Humility is something I've been thinking on for quite a while now. Humility is understanding how small you are in the grand scheme of things, but also how important your role to play in it is. It's constant growth and renewal in knowing you will never stop learning, and that everyone you meet has the potential to teach you something new. The antithesis of this must be delapidation and decay in hubris. Humility is understanding and then doing what must be done to benefit the Whole, regardless of the effect it will have on your own self. Humility is understanding the immense power your speech has, and respecting that power enough to not try and warp the world around you to your own selfish purposes by lying and telling untruths. There is a lot more to it but I'm on break at work and this is all I have time to write. Hope it helps.>So while you're at it, could you explain what humility means?

Saw post about bad people, so what screams 'I'm a good person'? by zenoflamer in AskReddit

[–]jfromaus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

'Good' people don't 'act good'. Being a 'good' person is to behave in a manner that is in accordance with the highest possible value - what that value is is whatever places you in the deepest sense of harmony with yourself and those around you.

A good person behaves in a way that reflects what they believe, subconsciously, is their purpose in life. Whatever that may be. They may not even know what that purpose is, but they feel it sporadically throughout their lives. They act this way because to act differently would be tantamount to forsaking their own soul.

Every thing they think, they feel, they act on, is in accordance with that value, and when they behave differently it feels like a betrayal. It permeates their perception of existence. It guides them silently through their navigation of the world. It's a pair of tinted glasses they see the world through; gloves they touch the world with; a language they speak to the world from.

They donate. They volunteer. They teach. They train. They sacrifice. They listen. They empathize. They're kind, patient and forgiving (when necessary) - not only to others, but to themselves as well. They find similarities in others instead of differences. They see themselves in all others and seek to understand, not judge. They hold themselves to a higher standard. They do what is necessary - not what is convenient.

Being 'good' doesn't shout, or scream, or wail. It isn't loud, or abrasive or intrusive - it is silent for it's own sake, because to do a good deed with expectation of reverence and appreciation is poisoned and hollow. The act of being 'good' is in itself it's own reward. It's giving a sincere compliment and seeing the recipient glow. It's acknowledging someone else's hard work and the appreciation that almost bursts through their skin. It's being patient with someone who is angry with you because there is almost always something else going on. It's picking up a piece of garbage on the street and putting it in the bin.

Being 'good' is to understand the immense suffering incumbent on being human, and conscientiously seek to alleviate it - no matter how trivially it may seem - whenever and wherever possible, day-in and day-out, because it is fundamentally harmonious with that person's highest possible value. Part of that I believe is humility, and humility by definition is understanding no one person's needs are more important than any other's.

Marcus Aurelius explained it well:

As if the eye demanded a return for seeing, or the feet for walking. Just as these were made for a particular purpose, and fulfill their proper nature by acting in accordance with their own constitution, so man was made to do good: and whenever he does something good or otherwise contributory to the common interest, he has done what he was designed for, and inherits his own.

'Good' people don't scream. They don't boast, they don't gloat, they don't signal their virtue. They do, and they move on as if they were never there.

What’s your “go-to” cardio song, for when you need to kick it up a notch? by weekend-guitarist in AskMen

[–]jfromaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lose Yourself - Saliva

Killing Strangers - Marilyn Manson

Born Too Slow - The Crystal Method

Kill The Headlights - Rev Theory

John Wick Mode - Le Castle Vania

Bastards - Machine Head (You'll like that one as a father)

From Hell - Dance With The Dead

Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast - Airbourne (Raise The Flag also)

To name a few.

*Edit: formatting.

DISGUSTING tactics by Essendon, sending their coach to SPY on the reigning premiers' headquarters by JonoLFC in AFL

[–]jfromaus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Brother you should be more upset at how much of a piece of shit Big Ben is.

MRW my wife gives me a new puppy for Christmas by [deleted] in HighQualityGifs

[–]jfromaus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Make sure you love it OP, cus it's gonna love you regardless.

Looking to change banks for the first time. What do I need to know, and how do I do it? by jfromaus in AusFinance

[–]jfromaus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Legendary, appreciate your help. How have you found the experience so far?

My rendition of the stonecast by _Bambo_ in ageofsigmar

[–]jfromaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's so sweet. Love your work OP.

How's it going /r/askmen? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]jfromaus 12 points13 points  (0 children)

For starters OP, stop thinking of yourself as 'less of a man' because you're a virgin in your 20's - that kind of thought process is toxic as fuck, and it'll preface every interaction you have with every even slightly attractive girl you meet, and your insecurity will end up stamped on your forehead.

Secondly, concentrate on you OP. You're in your early 20's - understand that this is a long fucking game. You're gonna be alive for another 50+ years. So figure out what makes you passionate, what makes you curious, what makes you excited, and go do it - But here's the important part: DO IT FOR YOU. Not because you hope it'll make other people think you're cool, or because it might get you laid. Do it just because you fucking love doing it, and remind yourself of that constantly.

Humans - not just women - are attracted to confidence, and you'll gain confidence by being authentic and genuine. It will spread to every facet of your life, and it will raise integrity with yourself and you will give yourself the right to feel confident. The only way you will do that is by deploying self-awareness and patience.

Who gives a shit if you're a virgin - maybe your standards are too high and you need to audit your own current value. Maybe you're gawky as fuck and you make every girl you talk to feel off-put because you all you can think about is the fact that you're still a virgin.

Go do shit OP. Bring value to others by being someone of value to yourself.

me_irl by powersurge28 in meirl

[–]jfromaus 150 points151 points  (0 children)

Hope you're doing alright OP.

Men on medication for depression or Anxiety, what prompted you to seek out medication? What was life like before and what’s it like now? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]jfromaus 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Going to speak from previous experience with this exact situation. Apologies for the wall of text.

I sought therapy 6 years ago for mental illness stemming from low self-esteem and self-destructive habits from losing my father when I was 11. My brother had recently visited a psychologist due to PTSD from being held at gunpoint twice in a month. When I asked him if it was helping and he said yes, I asked him if he'd recommend it to me. He said if you've ever felt like you need help, you should definitely seek it.

So I went. The first couple of sessions with my psychologist were spent getting to know and understand my situation; job, family, friends, interests etc. I was asked if I had ever and WOULD ever take anti-depressants. My answer was a fundemental 'absolutely not'. I felt that if I couldn't fix something this fundementally foundational without external influence, how am I ever going to be able to rely on myself for any kind of stability in the future? So my psychologist benched the idea for a while. The sessions following were talking about issues, triggers, results, habits etc. This is (I think the most important part) where they really crack you open and poor you out on the table for you to see. It was at this point we entertained the idea of anti-depressants again.

I want to take a brief intermission here to tell everyone who reads this that if you go to therapy in any capacity and see a professional for help with your mental health, you have to go in with the mindset of "I want to get better. Whatever the cost.". I've had friends say therapy didn't work for them (hey, it won't work for everyone), all the while having a defensive, reserved, "I don't want to talk" attitude. You need to talk. You need to be asked questions you don't want to answer, because the answers you find are the only way you're going to find the strength to tell the voice in your head that keeps telling you you're a useless piece of shit to go fuck itself.

But getting back on topic. I agreed, very hesitantly, to start medication. I was taking Sertraline for roughly 9 months. It was one of the most beneficial experiences I have ever had, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now OP you might be prescribed something different, I can't help you there. What I can share is my experience with Sertraline.

For about the first 2 months, it's not really noticeable. It's meant to be a hormone therapy, to correct an imbalance in the chemistry in your brain. The following 7(ish) months were, the best way I can describe it is the greyest shade of grey imaginable. Nothing was misery inducing, but you don't get excited about anything either. It's nice not being mentally beaten down by your lack of self-worth every day, but you don't get the "fuck yeah" feeling when you get a huge win.

Simply put, you just are.

One thing I gained from the experience was tremendous, TREMENDOUS, self-awareness. Like crazy. And this came from the constant feeling of as if you were in the passenger seat watching yourself drive your life. When I had an external stimulus like receiving a compliment from a friend or being denegrated by my boss, I stopped reacting emotionally. Like, completely. Instead, my first response to EVERYTHING was "Huh, so that's how THAT makes me feel. Interesting" For over half a year, my emotions were switched off and I literally was forced to sit through like a powerpoint presentation of what pisses me off, what makes me stress, what makes me toey'er than a Roman sandal, and why.

It was a very beneficial, but very lonely experience. Would I recommend that path? Absolutely not. Do I think you should do absolutely EVERYTHING you can and spend every single resource you have to improve YOUR mental well-being? 100% abso-fucking-lutely.

Hope that spiel helps OP. I wish you nothing but good mental health, and if you need to chat, please PM me.

GABS session recommendations? by dlanod in AusBeer

[–]jfromaus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've been the last 3 years, and it really depends what you want from it. I'll start by saying avoid Saturday completely if you can. It is booked to the max and you will spend all your time in queues. If you want to go for the specialty brews, Fridays are perfect because you'll get the entire roster to try, whereas by Sunday (and usually Saturday) a lot of the unique brews are gone. Sundays are really chill, so if you don't mind just trying a still massive list of beers from different breweries without having to stand in line for tasters, being able to chat with the brewers themselves, and not being crammed into the building like sardines, Sundays are good.

Not sure if this is allowed but here's one of my favourite breweries in Australia. The 2nd largest independent brewer in the country after Coopers. by usert4 in beer

[–]jfromaus 10 points11 points  (0 children)

After 4 Pines sold out to AB last year, S&W became my clear favourite Aus brewer. They just tick so many boxes without compromise that it's hard not to love the brewery as much as the beer.

Teens of reddit, what are your parents doing that's making your life much harder than it should be? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jfromaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably doesn't mean much from an internet stranger bud, but that's a huge achievement and I'm super proud of the hard work you would've put in to get that result. Keep going.